“Lucas is right.”
Lucas leaned in, cupping his ear. “Could you say that again, louder this time so the people in the back can hear you?”
Dani rolled her eyes at him and then shifted her attention to Landon. “You and Amanda both are dealing with a very difficult situation, and you should expect that it’ll take a while for things to go back to ‘normal’ after. Normal may look much different, in fact. I learned that after Jack died. And you have the added challenge of bringing Stella into your very new relationship. It’s a lot, and you’re totally justified in feeling a bit panicky about it all.”
“I am?” Landon asked.
“You are. For sure.”
“I like her,” Landon said to his brother.
“You and me both, brother,” Luc said with a warm smile for Dani.
“I like you, too, and I like you with Amanda.” Dani put her hand on Landon’s arm. “Be patient, follow her lead, be what she needs. That’ll matter to her more than anything else you could do right now.”
“That’s good advice,” Lucas said. “And it worked for me, I might add.”
“You be quiet.”
Landon laughed at the way she put him in his place even as Lucas grinned like a loon. “It’s excellent advice, and it’s what I’ll do even if I’m crushed that I don’t get to see her and Stella tomorrow.”
“You’ll survive,” Dani assured him. “And she’ll appreciate you even more for giving her the space she needs right now.”
Landon nodded, feeling more settled now that he’d aired it out with them and figured out a path forward. “In the meantime, I need to get serious about finding us a bigger place to live so we’ll be ready to bring Stella home to Butler.”
“We can help with that,” Dani said.
Chapter Thirty-Two
“There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.”
—Jane Austen
After Amanda gave two thumbs-up to the farmhouse, Landon threw himself into making it a home for them over the next three weeks. He moved out of his place and into the much bigger house and spent every minute he had off painting and cleaning and arranging furniture. On one day off, he drove to Rutland and bought a dining room table and a new sectional sofa for the family room, along with some end tables.
He used his family discount to buy one of the woven tablecloths the store sold in a light celery-green color and relied on his sisters to help him choose linens for Stella’s room that he hoped she would like. If she didn’t, he’d get her something different.
Amanda had decided to postpone the trip to Paris until next summer because she wanted Stella to have some time in Butler to get acclimated before school started in the fall.
It occurred to Landon late one night as he painted the trim in the family room that both of them were thinking like parents, putting Stella’s needs ahead of their own.
They talked by FaceTime just about every night, and he saw the strain Amanda was under in the pinched expression on her face. Similarly, Stella had lost her sparkle, and all he wanted was hug them both.
Landon was cutting grass at the farm a week later when Lucas came to find him. He couldn’t bear to sit at home and wait for the phone to ring, so he’d told Amanda to call Luc if she couldn’t reach him. When he saw Lucas walking toward him, he knew why he’d come before he said the words.
Landon killed the engine on the mower and removed his ear covers.
“Kelly died an hour ago,” Lucas said.
Even though he’d been expecting it for days, the news hit hard as he nodded to let Lucas know he’d heard him. “What do I do now?”
“Call her to see what she needs.”
“Yeah, okay.” Thankful for his brother’s presence, he walked with Luc back to the barn and went up the stairs to the loft to use the phone. He stood for a second looking at the phone before he picked it up and dialed Amanda’s cell number from memory.
She answered on the second ring. “Hi.”
“Hey. Luc told me. How’re you guys doing?”
“We’re okay. Stella said she’s glad her mom isn’t suffering anymore.”
Landon closed his eyes against a flood of tears, amazed by the twelve-year-old’s courage and maturity. “What can I do?”
“We need a couple of days, and then maybe you could come pick us up?”
“I can do that. Tell Stella… Tell her I’m so sorry, and I love her.”
“I will. Call me later?”
“Yes, for sure.”
“Love you, Landon.”
“Love you, too.”
He ended the call and put down the phone, propping his hands on the counter and letting his head drop forward. “So fucking sad.”
“It sure is.” Lucas gave Landon’s shoulder a squeeze. “What’s the plan?”
“I’m going to get them in a couple of days.”
“We’ll do everything we can to make them feel welcome here.”
Landon nodded, relieved to know he’d have the support of his family as he started a new one with Amanda. “Thank you.”
Amanda focused on her to-do list: packing up the townhouse, helping Stella make piles of things to keep and things to donate and packing Stella’s belongings for the move to Vermont. She tried to take her cues from Stella, staying quiet when she was and talking when she wanted to. Late on their last night in New York, after Stella had chosen the things she wanted to keep, Amanda boxed up the rest of Kelly’s clothes to be donated. Earlier that day, she’d turned in Kelly’s car to the dealership she’d leased it from.
Her emotions were all over the place, running the gamut from devastation to elation and everything in between. She was, she realized, grieving the loss of Kelly, who’d become a friend in the short time they’d known each other in person and over all the years they’d communicated about the girl they both loved. The sheer unfairness of her early death had hit Amanda hard, and it would take a while to work through the myriad reactions she was having to the loss.
More than anything, though, she grieved for Stella, who’d lost the most important person in her life, after having lost her father only five years earlier. It was possible, Amanda had found over the last few weeks, to feel someone else’s grief almost as intensely as they were, especially when you loved them as much as she loved Stella.
The love was bigger than anything she’d ever experienced. It filled every part of her. She loved her so much, she ached with it. Amanda had walked a fine line in keeping her own emotions in check so Stella could feel free to fully express hers. She’d talked lovingly of both her adoptive parents over the last few difficult days, as it seemed her mother’s death had resurfaced feelings from when Stella had lost her father.
Amanda couldn’t wait to see Landon, to hold him and be held by him. She’d missed him so much over the last month and a half, and it seemed like forever since she’d last slept next to him. Even from afar, he’d been her rock through the most difficult days of her life, and she would never forget that.
In between her time with Kelly and Stella, she’d finished the profiles of Mildred and Elmer, which everyone had loved, much to her relief. She’d drafted more catalog copy for Lucy, who was overseeing the final stages since Cameron had gone on early maternity leave, and had participated in meetings with Linc and the others remotely when she could. Her former boss Martin had called to beg her to stay on to coordinate their trade show presence, and Amanda had happily agreed. The only other person she’d spoken to with any regularity was her mother, who’d called to check in every day or two.