Right next to the pads are condoms and a selection of lube. In an instant, my mind is filled with images of using both. Rolling a condom on my cock right before sliding into her. Rubbing lube all over her ass… maybe slipping a finger deep inside.. My dick is already pressing uncomfortably against my zipper, and I quickly turn to walk away before I get a raging hard on in the middle of this store.
I shake my head at myself... sex, with her? Not that it’s a bad thought. The innocence she carries tells me she’s a virgin. I mean, she had no idea how to give me a damn hand job. There’s no way she’s had sex and not given a hand job before. The problem with the thought is that sex is something I can never have with her. She must remain intact if she’s to be sold to the highest bidder.
It’s her owner’s duty to strip her of her innocence to claim her, and I grit my fucking teeth at the thought. I hurry down the aisle and grab a pack of underwear hanging on one of the end caps. I check that they’re a size small and then I rush down the next aisle and get a toothbrush and some toothpaste before I head to the register and pay for all of it.
The drive back to the compound only takes me a few minutes, and I park my car in the same spot as before and walk in with a bag full of stuff I never thought I would be carrying into this place… or carrying period. I walk straight downstairs, bypassing the guards, not stopping until I’m standing right in front of her cell, looking through the one-way mirror. If it wasn’t for her blond hair, I would think there was just a pile of laundry laying on the bed.
I almost grin. She is curled in on herself, my clothes swallowing her tiny body. I stand there like an idiot watching her for a few minutes before I pull out my keys and unlock the door. As soon as she hears the door open, she sits up straight, her big blue eyes wide and alert.
I shouldn’t be here; it becomes more apparent as a small smile pulls at her full lips. Clearly, she enjoys seeing me, probably looks forward to it. Fuck.
I cross the room and hold the grocery bag out to her.
“I got this stuff for you. I wasn’t sure exactly what you needed so I got a multi pack.”
She hesitantly takes the bag and looks inside it like something might jump out and bite her.
“Thank you.” It’s the most genuine thank you I’ve ever heard in my entire life, like I’ve just given her a bottle of water after a ten-mile walk in the desert. She takes the bag and carries it to the tiny bathroom.
“It’s nothing.” I shrug, playing it off when in reality it’s huge. I’ve not only broken every one of my own rules by taking her out of her cell and giving her a shower, but now I’ve gone to the store and bought her a bunch of things.
This place isn’t supposed to be a good, enjoyable, happy place. It’s not a vacation, it’s a fucking death sentence, and I don’t know why the hell I’m trying to make it seem like anything other than that. I see her wince as she hobbles back toward the mattress.
I clench my jaw. I shouldn’t care if she’s in pain. In fact, I don’t... or at least I tell myself that, right up until I fucking open my mouth. “Are you okay?” I growl, simply because I don’t want to ask the question but feel compelled to.
This woman represents everything I cannot have, everything that is bad about me and this damn world that I live in.
“Yes, I’m fine. It’s just cramps; sometimes they’re really bad.” She sits back down while holding a hand to her stomach. “It should be better tomorrow. Usually the first and second day are the worst for me and today is my second.”
“Where is that medicine I gave you?” My eyes scan the mattress, but I don’t see the bottle. She reaches between the wall and the mattress and hands it to me. I open the bottle and let one pill fall into my hand.
“Take it,” I order and hold it out to her.
“I really don’t want to. I’ll be fine, I swear. I have this every month, you know.” Of course, I know she is right. This is nothing. She and every other woman on the planet deal with this every month. The problem is, none of my thoughts concerning her are rational.
“Take it and I stay until you go to sleep. Don’t take it and I leave now.”
She only thinks about it for two seconds before she takes the pill and washes it down with some water. I sit down next to her. She immediately scoots over to press her body against mine and leans her head against my arm. In a perfect world, someone like her would never look at someone like me to protect them, to save them.
“Why me?” she whispers. “Why did you have them kidnap me from that club?”
“I didn’t. I don’t know why they took you. I don’t usually deal with this part of the business. The girls who get selected have nothing to do with me.”
I don’t know why I tell her this. I know I shouldn’t. It doesn’t change anything.
“They called you boss.”
“I’m their boss... not the boss.” I crack my knuckles, needing to do something with my hands before I run them through her silky hair.
She doesn’t ask any more questions after that, and I’m so fucking glad that she doesn’t. Silence settles over us and the room seems so quiet. I look at the four white walls. There is no sunlight or saving grace to this room. Everything about it makes me want to pick her up and carry her upstairs to my bedroom. She belongs in a bed. My bed.
No. The thought is irrational. She is not mine, and she never will be. There an internal battle taking place inside me and for once in my damn life, I want to do the right thing.
I couldn’t save her... but I can save the tiny woman leaning against me. I listen, waiting for her breathing to even out and once it does, I listen a little longer before I get up very slowly, leaving her on the mattress. I walk to the door and unlock it. It creaks loudly when I open it, and I half expect her to wake back up at the noise, since it’s so fucking loud. When she doesn’t, I remember what she said to me before. If she takes the pills then someone could come into her cell and take advantage of her, and she wouldn’t be able to defend herself.
The thought makes me furious. Jesus fucking Christ, I feel like it’s a losing battle no matter what. I slam the door shut loudly while I’m still in the room and watch her closely.
Fucking great. Nothing. She doesn't even stir at the loud noise vibrating off the walls of her cell. I told the guys not to come near her again but what if one of my men is stupid enough to go against my orders? It wouldn’t be the first fucking time. Every worst-case scenario possible pops into my head. What if someone comes in here, and she can’t do anything? What if they steal from her the only thing she has left to give?
The only reason she got away last time is because she fought them, I remember Luca’s face. He looked like a feral cat scratched his face… or a kitten. I look down at her motionless form. This time, with the pain pills in her system, there wouldn't be any fighting. She won’t know what’s happened until it’s too late, and I won’t be fucking responsible for that shit. I’ve got enough dark shit hanging over my head.
A surge of anger overcomes me, and I have to let it out. I’m so angry, furious. I need to break something but there is nothing in this fucking room, and that infuriates me even more. My hands are balled into tight fists, and I use one to punch the unforgiving concrete wall. It’s a stupid choice, one I’m aware of as soon as my knuckles kiss the concrete. This just adds to the long list of stupid choices I’ve been making lately.