I slam my fist into the mattress. I never should’ve gone to that club. I never should’ve listened to my friends. The tears keep coming, and I know there’s no point in stopping them. My tears are the only thing I have left that are mine.
Two days pass before I see Ivan again. I spend most of that time crying in a fetal position. My hopes that he’s coming back to me are withering away with each passing hour.
The second meal of the day has already been served, so when I hear the door unlocking, I perk up. When I see his large body appear in the doorway, I almost jump up and run to him. Instead, I just sit there frozen in place, afraid to open my mouth. I don't know why he's here. Hell, he could be coming to get me to ship me away.
Without saying a word, he crosses the room, bends down, and picks me up, throwing me over his shoulder like he did last time.
“Keep your eyes closed,” he says before walking out and slamming the heavy door shut behind us. He starts making his way upstairs, faster than normal, like he is in a hurry or maybe he just doesn't want to run into someone else. Then again, neither do I.
He doesn’t stop until we are in his apartment and the door is shut behind us. I open my eyes and see he is walking into the bedroom.
“Ivan?” I whisper, but he doesn’t answer. Instead, he swings me from his shoulder onto his bed, making me bounce on the soft mattress. I gaze up at him, confused and a little scared, but then I see his expression, and I know he didn’t bring me up here to hurt me.
“I’m sorry,” he tells me and gets on the bed with me, positioning himself on top of me. He is holding himself up on his elbows and his large body looms over my small one.
“I didn't mean to hurt you the other night. I lost control. But believe me, it was not intentional.”
I know shouldn't trust him. Shouldn’t just accept his apology. He's a criminal, probably a murderer, too, and he's selling me and other women for money. Still, I believe him.
He moves over me until his face hovers directly above my own. Then, without even an inkling of hesitation, his lips are on mine. He tastes like mint, and he kisses like me he’s trying to remind me of the kind man he is.
I've kissed a couple guys; each occasion was sloppy and one I didn't want to revisit but none of them ever kissed me like this... like I was the air they needed to breathe. My breath hitches in my throat when his huge hand cups me by the cheek. His touch is tender, kind, and I melt into it.
I feel his tongue slip across my bottom lip, begging for entry. I've never French kissed before. It excites me, and I part my lips, moaning when his tongue touches mine.
The kiss deepens, and he strokes the inside of my mouth, leaving me feeling all warm and tingly inside. I lift my hands, pulling him down on top of me. I can feel his huge erection pressing into my belly, and panic shoots through me momentarily.
That panic quickly disappears when his warm body presses me into the soft mattress, making me feel safe and protected, as if he is guarding me from everything bad in the world with his body. I start to melt underneath his touch, and I revel in the feeling of his heavy body against mine.
My body seems to move on its own, as if it knows what to do, and I let it, because I’ve never felt the way I do right now. My fingers dive into his hair, tugging on the strands. While he cradles my head, kissing me with every ounce of who he is. I lift my hips and spread my legs wider, wanting more, needing more. Ivan grunts above me as if he’s in pain before pulling away but only slightly.
His fingers roam down my body, his eyes remain on mine, pleading, questioning as he slips beneath the hem of the shirt I’m wearing. His thick fingers ghost over my skin, and I shiver. He touches me as if I’m going to break, like I’m a fragile piece of porcelain.
“I… I want you,” I whisper, giving him permission but instead of touching me, instead of giving us both what we want, he pulls away.
“I want you, too, you don’t even know how much, but we can’t.” He looks away as if he is trying to hide his face from me, as if he’s ashamed. “Do you want to take a shower? You can go by yourself.”
“What if I want you to come?” I ask, my teeth sinking into my bottom lip. I don’t know what I’m doing or even what I’m asking for. All I know is that after being away from him for two days, I need to show him how valuable he is to me, how important his presence is, because then maybe he won’t leave me all alone again.
“I don’t think you know what you want, Kitten. If you knew everything about me, about the things I’ve done, you wouldn’t be wanting me to touch you, let alone take a shower with you.”
His response hurts and feels a lot like rejection, but I’ve been hurt worse in my time here, and though I might be inexperienced and a bit naive, after the way he kissed me, I know he wants me. He can deny it all he wants, but his body proves otherwise.
“You’re part of the reason I’m here, Ivan, and I still want you, so I think I know what I am asking for.”
Nervous laughter spills from his throat. “No, you haven’t the first clue what you’re asking for, and I might be a bastard, but I’m not taking that from you, especially before the checking.”
My brow furrows. “The checking?”
“Come take a shower, and I’ll take one with you.”
I oblige, springing from the bed. I walk into the bathroom and pull off all of my clothes, tossing them to the floor. I am not as timid as I was last time when I got naked in front of him. Ivan does the same, though his movements are slower and just like last time, I enjoy watching him strip. My eyes rake over the dark ink painted on his skin. He’s toned and tan, and my mouth waters with every new inch of flesh I see.
“Are you still bleeding?” He turns the water on and steps into the shower, extending a hand outward to me.
“No.” I take his hand and groan when the heated water lands against my back. When I look up at Ivan, there’s a hunger reflecting in his gray eyes.
“I think you knew what you were doing when you asked me to take a shower with you, Kitten.” His tone is playful and makes me smile.
I step closer and reach for his erection, but he snatches my wrist in an unbreakable hold.
“Not today, Kitten. I can’t have sex with you, but I can give you pleasure.” He grins before spinning me around and pulling me flush to his chest, so my back is pushed against his front. I feel his penis press into my lower back, right above my ass cheeks, and I wonder for a moment what he is doing. He said he can’t have sex with me, because of the checking, whatever that is, but knowing what the future holds, that some rich man is going to take it, makes me want to give it to Ivan even more.
With that thought, I lean forward and push my ass back against his raging erection.
“Violet,” he grits out, each finger on his hand wrapping around my hip, holding me in place. My name on his lips sounds strange, not to mention I didn’t even know he knew my name.
“I want you to be my first. If I’m going to be sold anyway, why does it matter? If this is the only thing I have that’s mine to give away then I want to give it to you.” I peer at him over my shoulder. I can see the conflict in his eyes.
“No. I want you, fucking believe me, I do, but I can’t. If they find out you aren’t a virgin when the doctor checks you then it’s procedure to give you to the men. The higher ups, then the lowers. Eventually, you’ll be sent to the whorehouse, that’s if you don’t die first. I’m not going to let that happen to you because I wanted to get my dick wet.”