His head falls into the crook of my neck, and I feel his heated breath on my skin. He’s panting, his muscles rippling underneath my hands. I can feel his cock twitch deep inside me. He’s holding back, and I don’t want him to. I want all of him, the dark beast he claims to be, the gentle giant he is. I want to see and feel each part of the man he is.
His fingers tighten in my hair, as he holds my head to his chest, and I can’t take it anymore. I want more. I need more.
“Fuck me, Ivan. Take me how you want to. Own me,” I whisper into his ear, I feel the tension in the air snap, and then he’s doing just as I asked him to. He pulls all the way out of me, positioning his hips as he thrusts back in. Pain and pleasure consume me, coating me from the inside out.
“Is this what you want, Kitten?” He thrusts into me once more, grinding himself into my center, rubbing against my swollen clit.
The motion knocks the air from my lungs, and I sink my nails deeper into his back. He hisses out in maybe pain, maybe pleasure, I have no clue and pulls out of me completely, slamming into me to the hilt over and over again.
Each thrust breaks away the person I was before I came here, before I found him, before I started to fall in love with him.
“Damnit, Kitten, you’re so tight, your pussy is swallowing my cock perfectly. Taking every inch of it like it was made for me.”
“Yes,” I gasp, letting him own me with every thrust. Tears spring from my eyes as he grunts, moving in and out of me at a treacherous pace. My chest expands as I inhale our mingled scents mixed with sex into my lungs. A tightness unravels in my lower belly, and I feel my orgasm building. I’m climbing higher and higher with every powerful stroke he gives me, his body moving against mine in a feverish way. I feel nothing but him in this moment. There’s no one else but Ivan and me.
There’s no bad, no good. No right or wrong. Just us, finding a means to an end. Seeking out what we both desperately want and need.
“I can’t last much longer, Kitten. I need you to come…” Ivan’s voice is rough, gravelly, and it makes me shiver, my hardened nipples rubbing against his muscled chest.
“I’m close,” I whimper, and with uncanny strength, he holds himself up on one arm and maneuvers the other between our bodies, his fingers rubbing against my clit. That, coupled with the deep thrust of his cock, sends me flying over the edge, like a rocket soaring into the sky.
Every muscle inside my body tightens, and my head spins. I can’t tell what’s up or down and frankly, I couldn’t care either way. My pussy strangles his length, quivering with aftershocks of pleasure. A few strokes later, I feel his body tense, his cock throbbing deep inside me, a roar of unbridled pleasure escaping his lips and filling my ears.
My whole body feels like air, as if I’m just floating into nothingness. My body and mind are sated, and my heart feels full, brimming with an emotion I can’t explain.
Thoughts swirl inside my head about Ivan, about all he’s done for me, about what he continues to do, and when I feel the tears slipping down my cheeks, I know I’m screwed. Before I can think about what I’m going to say, the words are coming out.
“I love you.” It hangs in the air between us, and for a moment, I don't think that he’s even heard it until I fell his body tense above mine. A coldness sweeps through me, and I wince as he pulls out, pushing off the bed and away from me.
“This is exactly why I didn’t want to do this.”
I blink, the euphoric pleasure easing from my veins, anger and sadness replacing it. His body is turned away from me, but I can still feel the anger and resentment radiating from him just because I said those three little words.
“It’s not like I meant it. People say things in the moment all the time,” I lie.
He turns on me, his face is a mask of anger now, and I see the guilt in his eyes.
God, why did I have to open my mouth?
He takes off the condom, tossing it into a trash can near the bed. Rivulets of blood smear against the latex and I know if I look down, I’ll find the evidence of my lost virginity, at the hands of a man I know I truly want, that I truly love.
“You’re a liar, Violet, and you’re a bad one at that. I deal with liars every single fucking day. The worst kind of men you can think of. Don’t lie to me.”
His voice is stern, and I feel like I’ve ruined this entire moment. Maybe even more than this moment. What if I’ve ruined everything? What if he won’t help me after this? He could leave me in the cell for the next eight days and let me go to the auction. There wouldn’t be anything I could do on my own to get out of here. Without him, I’m completely alone and helpless. I wish I could take the words back.
“Feel however you want to feel but it changes nothing. Nothing we’ve done tonight changes anything. It was just sex, Violet. You asked me to do this for you and I did. I gave you what you wanted, and now this…” Ivan seems to grow more agitated as he slips into the bathroom. I hear the water turn on and a second later, he appears in the doorway, a washcloth in his hand, his eyes bleeding into mine.
“I didn’t mean it, Ivan. I swear I didn’t,” I reply hoarsely, as he walks over to the bed and kneels down on it. I hiss at the contact of the warm washcloth against my overly sensitive pussy as he gently wipes away the blood and evidence of our sex.
“Stop,” he orders, and I feel the fresh tears slipping down my cheeks. I’m an emotional mess right now, wearing every single feeling I have on my face. He only looks at my face briefly before he gets up and pulls on a pair of boxers. I watch him through my tears as he gets out some clean boxers and a shirt, tossing them in my direction.
“Get dressed.”
Panic clings to me. Is he really going to send me back downstairs? “Please, Ivan, don’t do this. I’m sorry. Please… don’t bring me back downstairs. I’ll sleep on the floor if you don’t want me in the bed, just please don’t make me sleep in the cell again.” I might be pathetic sounding right now, but I don’t care. The fear of being locked in that cell for the next week is so overwhelming that I would do about anything to avoid it.
He turns back to face me, and I try to blink the tears away, but all it does is makes some more roll down my face. His gaze softens, his anger level dropping from a nine to a seven.
“Just put some clothes on and lie down,” he orders before walking out, slamming the door behind him, leaving me cold and alone.
I sob into the sheets, pain radiating out of my chest. I want this to be a lasting memory but all I can think about is forgetting this night, forgetting how I ruined us.
12
Ivan
Three fucking words. Three little words strung together. To some, they meant nothing, but they left me with a hole in my fucking chest. It wasn’t the words that hurt me, it was the meaning behind them, and what they meant to her that bothered me.
I grit my teeth and clench my fists tightly, the muscles in my forearm burning with a need to destroy. Why did she have to say those three fucking words? I let the tension inside my body spiral out of control as I grab the bottle of whiskey from the counter and pop the cork off. With no care for a glass, I take a huge gulp straight from the bottle.