I didn’t want to think about it too directly, but I knew this could be considered child abandonment. Taking custody of the girls had always been at the back of my mind, a seed of doubt I’d never really nurtured. Perhaps it was time to fertilize that seed and put it in some fresh air with a little sunlight. Maybe it would wither and die, but…maybe it would bloom.
It did my heart some good after the stress the night before to see them laughing and playing, seemingly worry-free for now. All I knew was I didn’t want them to grow up like I had—too soon. They deserved to have a childhood, to worry about kid issues—not whether we had electricity or hot water or enough money for groceries. Sometimes I felt like I was failing them because supporting the household wasn’t without struggle but seeing them laugh and smile made it worth it. I was starting to think that maybe having our parents around them did more harm than good.
Taking legal custody of them had always been a terrifyingly permanent solution, one I wasn’t sure I was totally ready for, but maybe it was time. What would happen the next time my parents abandoned them? What if they got hurt, or sick, or—God forbid—died because of their negligence?
I couldn’t bear the thought.
For the time being, I pushed it to the back of my mind. Surely, with some time, my parents would be back, and everything would go back to normal. It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it was all I knew.
If they didn’t come back…well, I’d deal with that when the time came.
I had my plate full enough as it was. Work had given me a couple of days to get my bearings, and I’d emailed my professors, who were being lenient. Things would have to eventually go back to normal—whatever that meant.
The girls were settled in front of the TV watching Mulan, which allowed me a moment to rest. It felt like I had been going nonstop ever since I’d gotten the phone call from Lennox. I had my feet propped up on the couch and was considering what I’d make for dinner when I received the first text. My heart spiked for a moment, thinking it could be Chris.
The spike of adrenaline eased somewhat when I saw Tripp’s name. Relieved, I unlocked my phone.
TRIPP: How are the monsters?
I smiled at my phone. The one bright spot throughout everything, besides the girls themselves, was Tripp. I didn’t know what I’d do without him.
ME: Terrorizing the village. We just got back from the park. Almost time for dinner.
Now that the apartment was relatively silent, it gave me way too much time to think. With the go, go, go of the past twenty-four hours, the breakup with Chris had been pushed to the bottom of my list of worries. As the quiet began to seep into my bones while the girls watched the movie, the self-doubt and sorrow began to creep back in.
Was it wrong of me to lean on Tripp when I was feeling so alone? I wasn’t sure. He’d wanted to go out with me when we’d first met, just after the girls were born, but it hadn’t been the right time. Besides, what kind of eighteen-year-old would have wanted to be saddled with a girlfriend who had twin babies?
Not that a girlfriend is what hotshot Tripp Wilder would have wanted at the time.
No, he should be with someone who didn’t have the strings I did. That’s why I had turned him down back then, and it was probably why I was so keen on dating Chris long distance. And look how that turned out.
TRIPP: It’s Taco Tuesday!!!
I snorted but didn’t immediately reply. Normally, Charlie, Layla, and I got together to unwind with tequila and girl time on Tuesdays. Then Liam had joined. And then Dash. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that we would be getting together with everything that had been going on. It reminded me that I would need to update them on my parents, but I wasn’t sure how to tell them. They didn’t have perfect home lives, but they’d had enough drama of their own for so long that they didn’t need mine, too.
ME: I can’t leave the kids and I’m not up for a big crowd right now. Sry. Maybe next week.
Plus, I wasn’t able to face Charlie and Layla yet. They’d been telling me for a long time that Chris wasn’t worth the trouble. I hadn’t wanted to listen. The last thing I needed to hear was I told you so.
However, a healthy dose of tequila sounded like heaven.
Less than a minute later, I received another text.
TRIPP: Just you and me and the kids. I’ll get the shit for virgin daiquiris for them. You have the stuff for tacos? Participation isn’t optional, angel.
Was this taking advantage of him? It felt like I was flirting with the line of propriety. I knew how he felt about me, and I valued him as a friend. Now more than ever, I didn’t want to lose him.
I typed out a text to alleviate my guilt somewhat.
ME: You really don’t have to do that.
I was more relieved than I should have been when I got his next text. It was really selfish of me to accept his generosity, but a huge part of me didn’t want to be alone now, either. And Tripp was always so good at cheering me up. I’d just need to be careful to make sure we kept everything platonic.
TRIPP: All I heard was ‘Yes Tripp.’ I’ll see you at six.
I snorted and texted him my excuses again, but he didn’t answer—and likely wouldn’t. There was no talking Tripp out of something once he’d made up his mind. Locking him out wouldn’t work either. He had a key for emergencies.
ME: Fine. I’ll make tacos. But I’m putting guacamole on every single one of them to spite you.
He sent kissy faces in return to let me know he didn’t take me seriously. While the girls played quietly—a miracle in and of itself—I pushed myself to my feet and retrieved the things I’d need to make tacos. I always had the ingredients on hand because they were my favorite. I liked to pin it on the girls, but I’d eat them all day every day if it were up to me.
As the meat sizzled in the pan, I grated cheese and chopped up tomatoes, avocados, and lettuce for the toppings. This simple routine, like going to the park, kept me from thinking too deeply about my problems. Tripp’s text had come at the perfect time and had kept me from sinking into a world-class sulk.
If my heart thrilled a little when he knocked on the door, it was only because I was excited for tacos, not because I was excited to see him in any way other than as a friend.
Tillie and Molly squealed in excitement, launched themselves from their place on the floor, and threw their arms around Tripp’s middle.
“Tripp!” they shouted in unison.
“You’d think I was chopped liver,” I muttered as I wiped my hands and joined them in the living room.
“Oh no,” Trip said, overhearing my comment. “You’ve already perfected the art of mom guilt.”
“Ha, ha. Very funny. You two go wash your hands. It’s time for dinner.”
“What are we having?” asked Molly.
“Tacos,” I answered.
They shrieked again and ran down the hall, their footsteps echoing behind them.
“They don’t take after you at all,” Tripp said.
“Shut up. How was practice?”