She looked at the vest and swallowed, her delicate throat working.
“You’re the first woman I’ve ever wanted to claim as property. The only woman I’ll ever want. Will you wear it, Lila?”
I held my breath. Giving her this was a big deal. Christ, I may as well be asking her to marry me.
The silence stretched out, her eyes closed again, and I suddenly found it hard to breathe.
“Lila?”
She bit her lip.
“Bambi, look at me.”
Her eyes finally opened and locked on mine and my stomach plummeted.
She’d figured it out. She’d finally worked out that I wasn’t anywhere near good enough for her.
Her gaze slid away from mine. “Thank you, I’m…I’m flattered that you’d want to give me that…but I’ve been thinking.”
My fucking heart stalled when she still wouldn’t look at me. She didn’t want it. Oh fuck, she didn’t want it. She didn’t want me.
“Whatever’s going on in your head, let’s talk about it, okay? We’ll talk about it and I’ll make it okay.” There was desperation in my voice, and I didn’t give a shit.
She shook her head. “There’s nothing to talk about. I…I’ve thought about it, and I’ve made a decision…”
“Lila, don’t. Don’t you fucking say it.”
“Jesse…”
“Look, if it’s too soon for the patch, that’s fine. I’ll hold on to it until you’re ready…”
“I don’t think we should see each other anymore,” she said. Her voice was nothing but a broken whisper, but it was lightning cracking through the room.
Every muscle in my body locked. “No. No, that’s not happening. We talk, we work it out, and we move forward.”
She planted her hand on my chest and pushed, pushed me away. She may as well have cleaved out my heart.
“I’ve made my decision,” she said and tried to climb out of bed.
I grabbed her hand and pulled her back, rolling, covering her body with mine. I shoved my legs between hers and cupped her face, making her look at me. I needed her to fucking look at me. “This is bullshit, Lila. I don’t know why you’re doing this, but no. It’s not fucking over. We are not over.”
She looked different, her eyes were flat, her face pale. “I don’t belong here, Jesse. I don’t fit in with your club.”
“You do. They love you…”
“This isn’t what I want for myself. And I…I don’t want to be your property. I will never be anyone’s property.”
“That’s not what it means, you know that…”
“Let me up, Jesse.”
I didn’t want to.
“Now.”
I cupped her face, searching her beautiful eyes for answers, running my thumb over her jaw, needing to touch her, to keep her here with me. “Don’t do this, baby. You don’t want to do this.”
She took my wrist in her small hand and pulled it away. “It’s over.”
Another hit. This one with enough force to have me bolting from the bed. I snatched up my jeans and stalked out of the room before I did something I shouldn’t, like tie her to my bed and never let her go. Or I started begging or yelling, or fuck, crying.
Because it hurt. It motherfucking hurt.
I thought we were solid.
I thought she…fuck, I thought she loved me, too.
I could hear her moving around in my room, and I paced the living room, fingers tugging my hair, trying to wrack my brain. What the hell had I done? Why was she doing this?
How could I make her change her mind? She had to change her mind.
Okay…maybe it was just a matter of me moving too fast and her freaking out? Maybe she just needed time?
I didn’t want to give her time, but I would. I’d do anything to keep her.
She walked out and my gaze snapped to her, eating up the sight of her. I wanted to pull her into my arms so bad my arms actually tingled and my skin felt tight.
“I pushed. I get it. I’m moving too fast. We can slow things down. If that’s what you need, we’ll slow things down…”
“No, Jesse.”
The hard resolve in her voice stripped the flesh from my bones. Breathing hard, I shoved my hands in my pockets, curling my fingers into fists, and shook my head in denial. This couldn’t be happening.
“Look, we had some fun. This wasn’t meant to get so…serious…”
“Bullshit,” I bit out, my heart racing so fast I was light-headed. Or maybe it was a desperate sprint for survival, because it felt like the fucker was about to explode in my chest.
“I want to thank you,” she said. “You helped me find the confidence in myself, in my body, that I was lacking.”
I laughed without humor, the sound ugly. “So what happens now that you have this confidence? You go out and fuck other guys? Guys who aren’t dirty bikers? Who can give you what you really want?”
She flushed and looked down. No. I couldn’t believe that. She was trying to make me believe I’d been a fun diversion, that now I’d showed her how to fuck, she was going to go out and find Mr. Right.
Maybe you’ve just been blind this whole time.
Maybe, but twisted masochist that I am, I still wanted her.
I would always want her.
I should have seen this coming. I’d been waiting for her to figure out I was a piece of trash ever since I talked her into giving me a second chance. I’d known she was too good for me from the very start, but I’d still wanted her, tried to keep her. Something sweet and clean and beautiful.
Something perfect just for me.
I’d never met anyone like her. Lila saw everything, she saw me. That had fascinated me, scared the shit out of me, and in the end, had been what fucked me over.
She saw me, right into my blackened soul—and now she didn’t want anything to do with me.
I moved then, unable to stop myself, and she backed away from me, driving a stake through my chest. I didn’t stop, though. This was my last chance to touch her. Maybe that made me an asshole, yeah, it definitely made me an asshole. But I didn’t care. Not anymore.
Her back hit the wall and I crowded in, pressing my body against hers, shuddering at the feel of her warmth, her sweet curves, and dipped my head to her neck, breathing her in. If I kissed her properly, I wouldn’t be able to let her walk away, but I couldn’t stop myself from trailing my lips up her throat to her ear.
She tried to hold herself rigid, but her body trembled, her breath quickening. She may not want a future with me, but she still wanted to fuck me. I could take advantage of that, I could fuck her right here against this wall and have her screaming my name in minutes. It might give me some sick satisfaction, but it wouldn’t change anything. She’d still leave.
She’d still leave me.
I breathed her in deep, branding her on my senses. “I get it, Bambi, why you don’t want me anymore. I do.” Didn’t stop it from hurting, though. In a way I’d never recover from.
I lifted my head and looked into her eyes, and what I saw cut me to the quick. Nothing, I saw nothing. Hollow emptiness. I’d obviously seen what I wanted to see, imagined it all. Because this girl looking up at me, she felt nothing. And right then, I wanted to hurt her like she was hurting me.