Chapter One
Lila
What are you doing, Lila? No, really. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Music pumped from the small house. Loud, pulsating. But my feet kept moving me toward it, ignoring my brain that screamed at me to turn around and go home.
I wasn’t going to do that, even with my heart beating out of my chest.
You’ve lost your freaking mind, my common sense cried.
This isn’t you. You don’t do things like this.
You’re acting like a crazy person.
I refused to listen. Maybe this was me? How would I know? Maybe this was exactly the kind of thing I would have done if I hadn’t been controlled and stifled most of my life.
I’d never been given the chance to find out. I’d spent my life living in the shadow of my sister’s “transgressions,” forced to be a good girl, to always do the right thing. Obey the rules or face a similar fate as Kate. Sixteen, pregnant, and completely cut off.
Sometimes, I thought she got the better deal.
As a result, I was cripplingly shy at the best of times. I’d certainly never gone to a party alone—or done much of anything without my best friend, Everly.
You can do this.
The nerves knotting my belly gripped tighter as I walked up the cracked concrete path to Jesse’s house.
Members of the Ramblers MC were scattered around the yard, drinking and laughing, singing. There were a lot of women as well, wearing not very much. I cringed down at myself.
I’d changed out of the pencil skirt and shirt I’d worn to work because looking like a librarian when I came to offer myself to Jesse didn’t seem like the best choice. This was a big step for me, and I’d struggled to find the courage to make my move. I’d never imagined he would be having a party. My skinny jeans and sweater looked more evening picnic by the lake than biker bonfire. The stares aimed at me now, following my progress to the front door, made it obvious I wasn’t the only one who thought so.
A massive shirtless guy with a full beard and covered in tattoos stood at the base of the steps, barring my entry.
“Hey, babe.” He grinned and reached out, rubbing some of my dark brown hair between his thick, rough fingers, tugging gently. “Want a drink?”
I shoved my glasses higher on my nose. “I’m ah…I’m actually looking for Jesse.” Leave.
The guy cocked his head. “Jesse?”
“Sorry um…I mean Grifter. Can you please tell him I’m here?”
The big biker stepped even closer, crowding me. “Now why would a nice girl like you be looking for Riff?”
Leave. Get the heck out of there.
The urge to run was insanely strong now, but I held my ground. I was determined to see Jesse. And it had to be tonight. Everly’s boyfriend, Dane, was Jesse’s best friend, which was how I found out Jesse was leaving for an undisclosed length of time. Something was going on, and no one would tell me what it was. Dane wasn’t here tonight; he and Eves were having a night in, which was why I’d made the hour-and-a-quarter-long drive from Rocktown to Black Stone, the town Jesse called home.
I didn’t want an audience if this went badly. I also couldn’t let him leave without at least talking to him first. You’re hoping to do a whole lot more than talk.
I straightened my spine. “He asked me to come. He’ll be annoyed if I’m late.”
The guy pinned me to the spot with his dark stare, like he was waiting for me to crack and confess the truth, but finally he jerked his head toward the door. “He’s out back, but you come on back here when he’s done with you, sweetheart, yeah?”
I shuddered. Not likely.
Instead of going inside and fighting my way through the crowd, I strode around the side of the house and peeked around the corner into the backyard.
There was a bonfire blazing back there and people stood around it talking, dancing, and…making out. There was a lot of sucking face going on…and um, other things.
I ignored the guy getting a blow job in full view of everyone and searched for Jesse.
He wasn’t hard to find.
He stood by the bonfire, his dark blond hair hidden under the ball cap he often wore. He was wearing worn black jeans low on his hips and his MC cut. He had nothing on under it, and his inked upper body was on full display. His skin, the small amount not covered in ink, was deeply tanned, all of it smooth and lickable. He was tall, muscled, and his incredible abs were right there, for all to see.
Jesse was…beautiful. Utterly. The sexiest man I’d ever laid eyes on.
But it wasn’t just his looks that drew me, I liked all of him. All that he’d let me see, anyway. There was more to him, I’d seen the secrets, the pain in his eyes, and I’d wanted him to share that with me, too.
He had his hat on backwards, so I could see his face clearly, and my heart thumped harder. His gorgeous green eyes, surrounded by thick, dark lashes, were so bright they almost looked neon. And when he aimed them at me, all broody and intense and full of heat, I turned to mush. My brain short-circuited. I was pretty sure I’d do anything he asked when he turned those eyes on me. Anything.
His jaw was square and sculpted, and it was obvious he hadn’t shaved in a while. He had a dimple in his chin that made him look even more wicked somehow, and a nose that I assumed had been broken more than once, turning pretty into brutally handsome. He sipped his beer, and his throat worked, leaving his lips glistening. His lips…God, they were full and perfectly shaped. Lips made to be sucked on.
And I had. I knew exactly how good they felt moving against mine.
I wanted to feel them again. Desperately.
Jesse could’ve been a model. I could easily see him in designer underwear on some massive billboard, that incredibly beautiful body on full display, a cocky grin curling his mouth.
He was so unbelievably gorgeous, it was intimidating. And I still had no idea why he’d singled me out a couple of months ago.
It’d been four weeks since I’d last seen him, since he told me we couldn’t see each other anymore, but it felt so much longer. I missed his silly texts and late-night phone calls, the heated looks, the careful way he was with me.
He didn’t say it then, but he’d broken things off because of my inexperience. I’d seen the way his eyes had widened in shock when my humiliation—that I’d only “done the deed” once before—had been broadcast to our entire table of friends.
And when we’d left the bar, instead of throwing me on the back of his bike and bringing me to his house to ravage me, he’d told me that his life was complicated—that we were over.
He laughed at something the guy next to him said, startling me from my musings, and it was like staring into the sun.
The light from the bonfire bounced over his colorful skin, making all those muscles look even more defined and highlighting just how incredibly strong he was. I knew this for a fact. I’d seen him fight. He boxed, was relentless in the ring, vicious…reckless. Like he didn’t care what happened to him.
I cared what happened to him.
I cared too much.
Jesse had teased to life a part of myself that I’d suppressed. A part I never knew existed and desperately wanted to explore. With him. He’d made me feel special, irresistible, cherished. He’d kissed me like he wanted to devour me, like I meant something to him—until he’d pushed me away.