Except for one person . . . he'd willingly cede everything he was to Leo, because he knew, deep down in his bones, that Leo would always treat it carefully, like the gift it was.
Caleb just kept wishing, as the song played over and over, echoing in his ears, all that fucking hope building inside him, that Leo still believed that it was a gift, and never a nightmare.
———
When he got off the plane, a car took him to the hospital he assumed Laurel had been airlifted too. Leo had never said, exactly, but Caleb had surmised from a few things he'd mentioned as he'd thrown clothes into his suitcase.
And if it isn't this one, he swore to himself, you'll go to the next hospital, and the next one after that. You will be there for him, the way he's been there for you, so many times.
He was sure he looked like hell, but the woman at the hospital's front reception desk still jerked in surprise when she glanced up at him. His stupid hair, always so distinctive, could be a blessing, but usually it was a curse. When he'd disappeared for all those years, he'd kept it shaved close to his head, only the barest fuzz giving away the distinctive ruby shade. “You're . . . you’re . . . Caleb Chance,” she said, rising to her feet. “Can I help you?”
“Yes,” Caleb said shortly. He'd sign anything she stuck in front of him, if only she'd give him the information he needed. “I was looking for . . .”
“Caleb!”
For a split second, Caleb froze. He was happy to autograph anything for the receptionist, but he was not prepared to deal with a bunch of fans. Not right now. Not when he'd spent half the flight back to LA crying pitifully in his seat, torn between hope that he could convince Leo that he was for real, that his love was ironclad, and that he'd never go away again—and a growing, horrific fear that maybe it was finally over for good this time.
Then he realized that he recognized the voice, and when he turned, Benji and Diego were standing there, holding hands tightly, like they were holding on to each other. Caleb's heart throbbed. He wanted that. He had that.
“What are you doing out here?” Diego asked as they approached him. Caleb could see the receptionist in the corner of his vision, and her eyes were bugging out with the fact that three out of the five members of Star Shadow were right here. He'd make sure she got something with all their signatures, even if he had to sit on everyone to do it.
“I'm . . .” Caleb didn't know how to tell the truth. It turns out that everyone who thinks Leo and I are some kind of love paragon are wrong. We're human, just like the rest of you, and we fuck up just as much.
“Well, we know where Leo and Felix and Max are waiting. Felix texted us the info. They're in the VIP wing.”
That made perfect sense.
Caleb turned back to the receptionist. “I'd be happy to get you anything you want,” he said in a low voice, “but if we could get directions to the VIP wing, please?”
“Of course, of course,” she said, and pulled out a paper map, circling where they were, and where they needed to go. “If you need anything else while you're here,” she said, “please don't hesitate to ask.”
“Thank you so much,” Caleb said, taking the map, “I'll be sure to send some signed merch down.”
She blushed. “You don't have to do that,” she said.
Caleb reached over and covered her hand with his briefly. “Yes, yes I do,” he said quietly.
When he and Diego and Benji stepped away from the reception desk and headed outside, circling back to the VIP wing, Benji said, “You're way too nice, by the way. She'd have given us the directions even if you hadn’t promised anything. That's her job.”
Diego elbowed him. “And? She was clearly a fan. There was a time when we didn't have many of those anymore,” he said. “That's why you did it, right?” he asked, glancing over at Caleb.
That was exactly why. Caleb nodded. “I don't like to take it for granted,” he said.
They were quiet as they walked towards the entrance to the VIP wing. Finally, Benji spoke up again. “You never said why you were over there, at the entrance, and not already in the VIP wing with Felix and Max and Leo.”
“I didn't,” Caleb said.
Diego wrapped an arm around Caleb's shoulders, pulling him into a quick half hug. “Can't you see he's upset about something,” Diego said to Benji. “Leave him alone. If something's up, it's not our business.”
“Yet, when we were trying to figure our shit out, it was everyone's business,” Benji grumbled.
That was absolutely the downside of having four best friends who could be nosy. But there were upsides as well; Caleb could talk all about those, because he'd lived without that support system and he'd done it during the worst time of his life.
“We had a misunderstanding,” he said, speaking up. “But we're going to fix it.”
“I know you are,” Diego said warmly. There'd been a time when they were close, maybe even closer than Caleb had been to the other guys, and for a while, Caleb had been sure he'd lost Diego's friendship and his trust, but they were slowly—sometimes very slowly—regaining the ground they'd lost. And it meant something, even more than he'd realized, to have Diego stand up for him right then.
“Thanks, man,” Caleb said in a rough voice. “It means a lot to hear you say that.”
“Leo can be . . .” Benji trailed off. “Leo can be difficult. Don't let him chase you away. He doesn't really mean it. But then,” he added with a lopsided grin. “I think you probably know that better than just about anyone.”
“I'd never trade him for someone easier, ever,” Caleb said. “I love him just the way he is.” He didn't mention—because it wasn't something he talked about with anyone, even friends—that he was worried, deep down, that this wasn't Leo being difficult. It was Leo being justifiably fed up with Caleb.
Benji put a hand on his back. “He's lucky, but then so are you. I know you guys will work it out.”
The guard at the entrance to the VIP wing didn't even bother to check their IDs, probably because Caleb was super recognizable with his red hair, but then Diego and Benji's visibility had changed too, when they'd come out a year ago.
After the guard pointed them to the specific waiting room Leo and the others were in, Caleb suddenly wondered if Leo would throw him out. It seemed insane. But then Leo not wanting him to come with him was insane, too. He hesitated, right at the door, when Benji was about to pull it open.
“Hey,” Diego said watching Caleb's face. “Hey, it's gonna be okay. He's gonna be happy you're here. I know it. You know it. He even knows it.”
It was probably true. Maybe it was just like he'd said, only a misunderstanding, perpetuated by the very early morning and the shocking phone call that had kicked it all off. But then, Caleb realized—and maybe Leo had too—that saying everything was wonderful and perfect didn't make it true. They needed to talk. They needed to fix things. Caleb needed . . . he scrubbed a hand over his face . . . he needed to be better. Somehow. Some way. He didn't even know the specifics yet, only that it needed to happen, because Leo deserved it.