I could feel the storm coming, their attention turning to us, and just like I knew would happen…they came again. They had seen my display, they knew she meant something to me, and they finally had a way to break me—to own and use me. They went straight to her cell, four of them—two outside, watching me, and two inside with her. She cowered into the corner, crying as she screamed my name.
I thrashed, hitting the bars again and again, and I felt the bones crush in my hand, but I kept going with words pouring from my mouth. I begged them, I threatened them, yet it fell on deaf ears. They taunted me, they pulled her from the cell and pushed her face into my bars, we were so close I could touch her. I held onto her cheek, her eyes on mine, filled with tears and fear. She was so scared. Snot dripped from her nose and even though I was losing feeling in my hand, I held on, my other hand seeking hers and weaving our fingers together like we used to when we were kids. This time, I couldn’t protect her, I couldn’t save her. This was no bully teasing her for her weight, this was no boy breaking her heart. I was helpless.
My heart shattered all over again as they used her body, pressed against my cage, forcing me to watch as they violated her again and again. Grunting their releases like animals before laughing and pulling out. When they were done, they let her slide down the bars and curl into my cell. Her sobs long since cut off, her eyes raw and red, her clothes lost, and her body abused. Bruises were already marring her pale skin, leaving finger marks on her hips and even cuts on her back, which slowly dripped blood onto the cement floor.
I held her through the bars for as long as I could, singing to her like I had when we were little and she woke up from a bad dream, but she was gone, she wasn’t there anymore. Her eyes were vacant, her soul forced from the husk in front of me. They didn’t kill her, no, they broke her.
I heard my cell door clanging and not sparing them a look, I dropped a soft kiss to her forehead. “I love you, bug.”
Forcing myself to stand, I waited in the middle of the cage as two of the men, their pants still unbuttoned, ducked inside with me. Fury like I had never felt before coursed through my veins as the worry and humanity that kept me locked into this life, forcing me to stay alive, fled, until I didn’t care if I lived or I died. All I cared about was taking them with me.
That freedom, that lack of caring, unlocked something in me, and I raced forward, screaming it to them. Time seemed to slow, my body moving as if I was no longer in charge, and the edges of my vision started to blur, like I was in a dream. My hand lifted, but in slow motion I saw the guard in front of me reaching for his gun just as I swiped my hand across his throat. Blood spurted into my face, dripping into my eyes and mouth. I darted my tongue out, tasting the rich copper mixed with…sweetness. It tasted good.
I turned to the other guard and darted out my hand, hitting him in the heart. His face froze, his eyes wide, and he dropped to the floor. I could hear it, his heart had stopped. Shouts came from outside my cell and when I looked over my shoulder, I saw Rach smiling at me with blood in her teeth, and her eyes slightly more alive. I moved through the open cage door and one of the other guards raced towards me. I let him come, I let him impale himself on my hand as it punched through his stomach like butter. He screamed, blood and the smell of shit permeating the air as I pulled back and he dropped to the floor.
Holding my arm out in front of me, I saw the blood coating it, and I couldn’t help myself. I licked it, catching the drips with my tongue and curling it back into my mouth with a groan, my eyes flickering shut for a moment before a scream cut through the haze. Everything came back—the sounds, the smells—and sped up.
I watched in horror as Rach was pulled to her knees with a gun held to her temple from the final guard as he faced me.
“I should have known you would be one of them,” he sneered. “You killed my men. I can’t kill you, but…”
I dropped my eyes to Rachel’s, terror racing through me as I stood frozen on the spot. Her eyes softened and she didn’t even fight the man’s hold, no, she smiled at me. A soft, reassuring one. “Love you, big sis,” she whispered, before a shot rang out and her body jerked out of his grip. Her lifeless eyes stared at me as she fell to the side in a broken heap.
“Nooooo!” I screamed, dropping to my knees before her, lifeless, like a ragdoll. All that fury and power drained away, leaving me alone and cold as I gathered her body in my arms and rocked her, singing to her as tears clogged my throat and dripped from my eyes, landing on her still chest. Bending my head over her body, I held her close, unwilling to let her go.
I heard the door open as more guards spilled into the room, no doubt brought by the gunfire, but I refused to acknowledge them, my whole world narrowed down to my broken baby sister in my arms. I faded out their commands and voices, instead brushing a piece of short brown hair away from her face, and closing each eyelid before leaning down and kissing her cooling forehead. “I love you, baby sis.”
Hands pulled at me, trying to pry me away from her, but I screamed and held on tighter, refusing to let her go. I can’t leave her. I can’t, she needs me. I don’t know if I am talking to them or myself anymore, but when the butt of a gun hits the side of my head and I slump over her body, all I feel is numbness.
Bone-deep cold, the likes of which will never be washed away.
She’s dead, Rachel was dead.
Dabria
The first time I woke up, I found myself in a windowless room. I was stripped of what little clothing remained and there was a needle mark on the inside of my elbow with a bruise growing around it, meaning it wasn’t fresh. How long had I been out?
Rachel.
It all came rushing back and a sob racked my body as I curled up on the cold floor, screaming into my arm and biting it to stifle my cries. I wept my heart out, leaving it in little pieces on the floor. I wanted the numbness again. Anything was better than this…this…grief. This heartache. I stayed in that position until my tears dried up and my limbs started to ache, and then I slept again.
Days, weeks, hours, I don’t know how much time passed as I curled up in the corner, reliving the terror of losing my sister, and trying to build myself back together again. It was a blur, an eternity dragging on and on until a bang had me jumping, bringing me out of my thoughts and memories, and back to the present.
I climb to my feet, my legs unsteady and weak from lack of food and water, and the position I’d been locked in during my grief. My whole body protests the movements and I lean back against the brick wall. Shouldn’t I be cold?
The door opens and I blink, how did I not realise there was a door there? It’s steel with a slat halfway down, and it slowly creaks open to reveal a man in a white lab coat. He doesn’t speak as he heads my way. I watch him from the wall, my eyes peeking through the fall of my long, blonde, tangled hair. I listlessly notice blood drying in it.
He grabs my arm, producing a needle from his pocket, and stabs me, all without saying anything. I don’t even flinch. Let him do what he wants, I’m already dead. I know that, I’m not getting out of here alive.
“Who are you?” I ask, my voice croaky.
He turns and leaves without a word, the door banging shut, sending me into another flood of tears as I slide down the wall to the floor. I fall asleep again after that and when I wake up, I start to pace to stretch out my muscles. I explore every corner of the room, noting the scratch marks and broken fingernails embedded into the concrete. I find myself tracing a claw mark down the wall before carrying on with my inspection.