I am naked on the beach for him.
I am here out of my comfort zone for him.
I’m changing who I am—for him.
I might not have said those three little words, but my father always said, actions speak louder than words.
Chapter Eighteen
MACY
The days leading up to Christmas are hot and hectic at Lombardi’s with dinners and work celebrations before people go on break over the festive season. Oliver asked me to work nights as we’re overbooked, and I agreed since Dad now has Bernadette to keep him company.
He’s safe.
Reef and I catch up during the mornings. It’s not the same since we came home from our weekend away. Whether it’s him pulling back after he mentioned those three little words and I gave him no response, or it’s me regaining the armour around my heart and not letting him in. But I sense a difference, especially since morning sex is back to the smacking of skin as we go at it for what it is—a craving of lust, not love.
And in the extreme summer heat, everyone is a little crazy at this time of year. Even Oliver snapped at Dominic, his temper short with the pressure when the power went out for an hour or so yesterday.
Thursday night, Reef comes in toward the end of my shift.
“Hey,” I say, my heart picking up a notch. “A nice surprise to see you.”
He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I thought we might catch up later. Maybe you could stay the night?”
“Tonight?” I croak. I’m so exhausted and sweaty. All I want is a cold shower and to fall into bed. I couldn’t even manage to starfish for him without falling asleep. “I have the day and night off tomorrow.”
“I’m leaving tomorrow,” he announces, his expression deadpan. “Mum needs me to run some errands on the weekend. So, I changed my flight.” His gaze lowers in sync with my heart, and I know I’m failing to hide my disappointment.
I swallow hard before speaking. “I understand.”
Reef’s eyes meet mine, and his brow crinkles. “But we had plans.”
“I know, but it’s family.” I rub his arm. “They’re probably excited to see you. It’s only over Christmas, and I’ll be here when you get back.”
“And the New Year,” he adds. “Mum has arranged some surprise party, so I’m staying longer.” He steps forward and takes my hand. “I’m sorry, Mace, because I had plans for us.”
“It’s fine,” I say again. “It will pass quickly, and it’s probably for the best you’re not here because I’ll be working extra shifts. We don’t close, remember? It’s the busiest time of year.” I’m convincing myself as much as him. Truth is having Reef around would help energise me to get me through the craziest time of year at Lombardi’s.
“Can you stay tonight?” His eyes plead with mine.
A lump forms in my throat, knowing my answer before my brain decides. I shake my head. My eyes pool with tears with exhaustion setting in. And knowing what he’s asking, I panic and blurt out, “Bernadette didn’t stay the night. And Dad had a few drinks before she went home. I need to go and check on him.”
“Then do it, and then come to me.”
A half-hour drive to my home, then and another half hour to Reef’s, I’ll fall asleep at the wheel. With one finger, I wipe under my eye, my throat burning holding back tears. I shake my head, unable to manage the words.
“I already knew the answer before coming here,” he whispers. His blue eyes full of hurt. “I’ve built myself up for it all week because you’ve been different. You’re spooked, and you’re pulling away.”
“I’m not spooked,” I lie.
Terrified.
Reef leans in and kisses me lightly on the lips. “Merry Christmas, Macy.” He hands me a small box wrapped in glossy white paper and a gold ribbon. “Open it on Christmas Day.”
I wipe my eyes again. “I don’t have yours with me.”
“It’s fine. You can give it to me when I return if it’s what you want to do.”
“I do,” I say quickly.
“Macy,” Oliver calls to me.
I give him a nod before turning back to Reef. “I have to go.”
“Merry Christmas,” he says again and turns for the door.
My chest burns, and I manage to say, “Merry Christmas,” back to him as the door closes behind him. Usually, Reef will turn and wave to me as he walks by the window.
Tonight, he doesn’t look back.
“Bernadette invited me to her place for Christmas dinner. I didn’t invite her to our lunch,” Dad adds.
I let out a quiet sigh of relief.
He limps to the table and pulls out a chair while I chop tomatoes and cucumbers.
“Are you wearing your prosthesis too much?” I stare at his leg looking for signs of redness and inflammation where it’s strapped to my father’s thigh.
“It’s not as painful compared to a week ago. And don’t change the subject.”
I stand to pass him bread, salad, and tuna to make a sandwich. “I appreciate it.” I don’t look at him because I know he’s hinting to ask her. “One more year of just you and me,” I say, and smile. “Because next year, I think the two of you will be married.”
Dad chuckles, yet he doesn’t deny it.
“Holy shit, are you thinking it?” I gasp.
“Love, we’ve known each other a while, and I’m not saying anything, but we would like to spend more time together.”
“So, live together?”
“It’s what we’re aiming for in a few more months.”
I slide into the seat and allow the tears to fall. “I’m happy for you, I am.” I swipe my nose with my forearm. “It’s just everything is changing, and it will no longer be you and me.”
“It was never going to stay that way.” He passes me a hankie from his shorts pocket, and I blow my nose. Hard. “You were always going to find a nice man, and I thought I’d be the one alone.”
“I’d never leave you alone.”
“And I’d never compromise you from having a life to stay with me. Have to say I’m disappointed not to have formally met Reef but understand you’re reluctant. I want you to make good decisions because you deserve a guy who treats you like a lady.”
His last words send me over the edge, and I’m sobbing with my face resting on my forearms.
“Macy.” He stumbles around the table to sit by my side and places an arm around my shoulders. “What is it?”
“I think I blew it. I got scared and pushed him away.” I glance up and drag my hands over my cheeks. “I don’t want to be like her.”
Dad’s expression switches to stoic. “You’re nothing like her. Except for her good points. You’re beautiful and smart and know what you want. Determined and loyal.”
“How can I be loyal when I’ve never loved?” I sob. My heart, my lungs, my throat all burn with the pain, and it’s like I’m reliving Mum leaving all over again because I know the moment I give Reef my heart with the layers removed, exposed and vulnerable, it’s his to crush. And it will happen. We both know the inevitable ending. “I can’t get hurt again.”