We halt in the lobby of his building as he waits for me to decide. If we go back to my place, then the plan of making Levi jealous won’t come to fruition. But is that a bad thing? I peek over at Conner to see him patiently waiting for me to make a decision. No expectations. No assumptions. Just patiently waiting. Would it be a terrible idea to pursue this thing between us? I think I could really like Conner if I gave him a chance.
But am I ready to let go of the possibility of a chance with Levi for real? My heart starts to pound in my chest a million miles a minute as I battle going into a full-blown panic attack. It reminds me of when I was a little kid and couldn’t find my lucky softball glove before a big game.
Shit. I don’t know if I can do that.
I shake my head. “I know you wouldn’t assume anything. But honestly, I kind of want to see Levi’s place. I haven’t been here in forever.”
“It’s my place too,” he teases, though I can see my comment ruffled his feathers.
“Good point. I want to see your place too. Especially when I’m not afraid that my childhood bully is going to jump out at me at any second.”
“Hey! Give me a little credit. I’m not the asshole that I was growing up, remember?”
“You’re right,” I admit, taking in his stubbled cheeks and kind eyes. “I definitely need to give you a little more credit.”
We make our way up to his apartment. When he opens the door, I find the lights out and the place empty. Disappointment hits me square in the chest, though I try not to let Conner see my reaction.
“What movie do you want to watch?”
I shrug. “I’m good with anything.”
He chooses The Notebook, and I want to laugh as soon as I see the title flash across the screen.
Grabbing a blanket, he takes a seat next to me and tosses it over us.
“What’s so funny?” he asks curiously.
“Nothing.” I try to cover my laugh with a cough, but he sees right through it.
“Tell me the truth.”
Shaking my head, I pull up the blanket to hide my smile. “I’ve just never seen this before.”
“Really?”
“Nope.”
“Well then, you’re in for a treat.”
A giggle slips out of me, my cheeks aching from grinning so hard while trying to hold back my amusement. “I’m sure I am.”
The screen lights up with a bunch of birds on a pretty lake, and Conner shifts beside me. Every inch of our sides is touching, from our shoulders down to our thighs. I don’t notice my leg bouncing until Conner rests his hand against it. It takes everything inside of me not to shy away from his touch. Not because he makes me that uncomfortable. I mean, I know he’d never do anything if I wasn’t okay with it. It’s more just because I feel guilty that it isn’t Levi.
And I kind of hate him for it. He’s kissed how many girls? Slept with how many girls? And I’ve been what? Saving myself for him? My mouth curls in disgust.
“Nervous?” Conner whispers.
Sucking my lips into my mouth, I shake my head.
Nope. I’m not nervous. Why would I be nervous?
“Levi said I should take things slow with you. That you haven’t dated much.”
Of course, he would say that. The jerk. I hereby proclaim that the title of asshat has been taken from Conner and will be placed upon Levi McCoy from tonight henceforth.
“I’m fine,” I murmur, trying to ease the tension in my muscles. I bet rebar is more snuggly than I am right now. Glancing over at Conner, I take him in. His chiseled jaw. His panty-melting smile. His warm green eyes. He’s attractive, alright. And he wants me. Me. The girl who had never worn mascara before this evening when Sophie practically held me down and applied it with an expertise that would make a Broadway artist jealous.
Cautiously, as if I’m a timid little mouse, Conner tucks a strand of my dark hair behind my ear. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be. You’re a good guy, Conner.”
My declaration makes him pause. His gaze dips to my mouth before his thumb rubs against my jaw in a gentle caress.
“You don’t know how much that means to me,” he admits. “Especially when I was so brutal to you growing up.”
“It’s okay.” I nod to myself, my mind coming to the conclusion at the same moment the sentiment slips past my lips. “Levi’s right. You aren’t that little dipshit anymore.”
A bark of laughter rumbles through him, pulling a smile from me in return.
“Not a little dipshit anymore. Noted. Is there any chance I could keep the clean title if I kiss you right now?”
My tongue darts out to lick my lips before I nod a second time. “I think that can be arranged.”
“Good answer.” Leaning closer, his grip tightening on my jaw to keep me in place, he kisses me. Memories of my first kiss with Levi flood my mind, but I do everything I can to ignore them and focus on the present. To focus on Conner––and my second kiss with someone who doesn’t feel obligated to press his lips against mine. Someone who wants me and isn’t afraid to admit it. A set of teeth nibble against my lower lip before Conner sucks it into his mouth.
Shit! I’m totally distracted.
Digging deep, I think about Conner’s taste. The feel of his lips against mine. The way his mouth moves differently than Levi’s. It’s a good kiss. Not that I have much experience, but…yeah. I think this is pretty fun. I could probably even get into it if I weren’t so caught up in my thoughts.
Tilting my head, I dart my tongue out to run it along his lips and he—
The sound of the front door opening pulls a gasp from me, and I break our connection faster than a racehorse out of the gate. My head snaps to my left, and my face bursts into flames when I catch Levi staring at me.
“Uh…,” he stutters before lifting his thumb over his shoulder. “I’ll just…go.”
“No. You’re totally fine,” I interrupt. “I mean—”
“Yeah. Sorry, I didn’t text,” Conner mentions, talking over me. “But Charlie and I wanted to watch a movie so—”
“Totally get it,” Levi replies, though his feet are still frozen to the floor. “I guess I’ll just come back later.”
Conner says, “Yeah,” while I almost squeal no at the same time, desperate for him to stay because if he does, maybe I’ll be able to stop thinking about him.
With a dark chuckle, Levi turns on his heel and shuts the door behind him. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but the door rattles after his departure, and I can’t help but feel like it was closed with a little more force than necessary.
Conner and I turn our heads from the front door to each other at the same instant before breaking out into laughter.
“Why do I feel like I just got caught doing something inappropriate in my own apartment?” he asks, his eyes crinkling at the corners.
“I have no idea, but I feel the exact same way.”
“I guess the moment’s gone, isn’t it?”
I nod. “I think you’re right.”
We spend the rest of our evening watching a movie side by side, and though our shoulders to thighs are still touching, he doesn’t bother to throw his arm around me or take it to the next level. Which is good because I don’t think I’d be able to snuggle, anyway. Not when the look on Levi’s face is embedded in my mind. Disappointment. Shock. And maybe just a little bit of jealousy too. But then again, that’s probably wishful thinking on my part.