“This was a bad idea. I want to go back down.”
“No way, you’re incredible. Look how close you are to the top. Errr… actually don’t. Just take my word for it.” His long fingers brushed against my back in what was probably supposed to be a comforting gesture, but instead had me panicking for a completely different reason. “We’ll do it together, okay? Slow and steady.”
I nodded and let out a shaky breath.
Miraculously, I managed to move by listening to Finn’s voice and concentrating on one hold at a time. When I realized it was the top, I couldn’t believe it. I felt rejuvenated like I’d climbed the side of the tallest mountain Bear Grylls style. Holy crap, I actually did it.
“Yeah, you did,” Finn said, making me realize I’d spoken that last thought. He looked so proud and I felt like a star student eager for his praise.
“Now what?” I didn’t know if my arms could handle it, but I wanted to try again.
“We go back down and try it for real.”
“For real?” I squeaked.
We moved from what Finn referred to as the training or beginner wall to a slightly harder area. The holds were smaller in some places and farther apart. Somehow, though, I still managed to make it to the top.
My arms were toast after that and I went to change. When I came out of the locker room, Finn was talking to a group of employees noted by their matching gym shirts. With his back to me I was able to observe without him noticing.
Finn in his element was hot. Not that it should have been surprising. He was tall, built but lean. He was handsome but also had an edge that made fantasies of him more Zac Efron Baywatch then Zac Efron High School Musical.
It wasn’t his appearance that made my stomach flip though. It was the way people were drawn to him. The easy way it was to be around him. I’d thought that my desire to help him was about mending his broken heart, but now I wondered if it was the way my heart yearned to be near him that had all but forced him into my life instead.
It didn’t make sense. I was happy with Richard. We had a good life and everything about him was perfect for me. And yet I didn’t know if I’d ever had the same butterflies in my stomach for him as I did for Finn right now.
But I also knew my crush on Finn was totally one sided. I think that’s why I’d always felt safe about letting him into my life. Somewhere deep down maybe I always knew I was going to fall for him. Maybe I had from that first night he stumbled in reeking of alcohol.
Maybe he was all wrong for me, absolutely I was wrong for him, so I needed to stop obsessing about the flutters or teenage hormones he seemed to bring out in me and just enjoy our last night. We’d part as friends, I’d go to New York and in a month, I’d look back on the two weeks with Finn as an interesting blip in my calm, routine life.
Adele
“That was incredible,” I said two hours later still smiling. I lifted the takeaway bag and groaned. “I’m a total weakling though.”
Finn took the bags from me. “I got it.”
I followed him into the house on Jell-O legs, arms hanging limply at my sides. “Thank you so much for that.”
“Just my way of repaying the favor for letting me crash at your place for the past two weeks. Hermosa Beach was just what I needed.”
“It was good for me too.”
He shot me a surprised look after setting everything on the kitchen counter. “Taught you patience and what to do with wedding gifts if your fiancée doesn’t show?”
“That too.”
His lips pulled up into a half smile.
“No, it reminded me of how strong I am. I think I’ve been afraid to try new things and get out of my comfort zone, afraid it would send me spiraling back into a life I’ve worked so hard to leave behind. Thank you for reminding me that I’m capable of more.”
“I think you’re giving me too much credit, but you’re welcome.” He lifted my to-go box we’d grabbed from the Mexican takeaway counter on the way back. “Dinner and TV?”
“Oh, uh.” I glanced at the time. I still had a few hours before I needed to leave for my flight, but I was a nervous traveler. I needed to triple check everything and leave with more time than necessary to park and get through security. My adventurous spirit didn’t include a desire to run through the airport to catch my flight. “I should probably shower and finish packing, and I promised Richard I’d call.”
Richard’s name hung in the air between us – or maybe I was imagining it.
“Go ahead. I won’t be long.”
I disappeared into my room and sat on my bed trying to make sense of everything. I could hear Finn in the kitchen pulling plates and silverware for our food, but I stayed there replaying the past two weeks. Was it a betrayal to Richard if I admitted I enjoyed spending time with Finn? That I was going to miss him?
The fact that I felt guilty about it spoke volumes.
I’d used calling Richard as an out, but I decided it’s exactly what I needed. I needed to hear his voice, to remind myself how perfect he and I were together, and to tell him I’d spent the evening with Finn. Telling him not only felt necessary, it felt like absolving myself from the totally one-sided feelings that had crept in.
Inside my house, I could remember Finn was a friend in need that I was helping, but outside of it, just the two of us, we’d just been Adele and Finn and now I couldn’t unsee that version of us.
“Hello?” Richard answered speaking up but wherever he was – it was loud, and the background noise nearly drowned him out.
“Hey,” I spoke up. “Where are you?”
“I’m at dinner. We’re just being led to our table now. Can I call you later?”
“Yeah, of course. Finn and I were just about to have dinner too.”
“Great. Call ya later, babe.”
“Bye,” I said, but he ended the call before I’d finished responding.
So much for reassurances. I’d have to do that for myself. I straightened my shoulders and stood. Finn and I were just friends and I was being ridiculous. We were having a last dinner together before we’d likely never see one another again. It was funny really. Was I actually worried about something happening between me and Finn freaking McCash?
I showered, dressed for travel in comfy clothes that I could hopefully sleep in, triple checked I had everything, and then stood surveying my room for anything I might have missed.
A knock at the door startled me and Finn’s voice came as I held my hand against my heart. “Hey, do you have any matches?”
Matches?
I opened the door to find Finn holding a log of wood under one arm and a bag of marshmallows in the other. He smiled more shyly than I thought possible.
“I’m afraid to ask.” I followed him out to the living room. My fireplace hadn’t seen a real fire in as long as I’d lived here. I had candles inside and had only lit those a time or two. I grabbed a lighter I used for said candles and he motioned for me to set it down since his hands were full.
“S’mores, of course.”
I chuckled as he sat the firewood down and opened the marshmallows. He shoved one on the end of a metal skewer and handed it to me. “I didn’t have time to whittle you a proper roasting stick, but you can watch me start a fire like ole Bear Grylls.”