I settled on asking, “Safe how?”
“Men who were perfectly happy with missionary sex once a week and maybe a blow job on holidays to spice things up.”
My mouth quirked up at the way she said it, like it was the worst thing she could imagine.
“Why?”
She ran her fingers absently over my chest and down my abs. “I craved the stability and the safety of those types of men. But for them, knowing about the rape, I think they were afraid of hurting me – of bringing back those memories. But instead it was like a constant reminder every time I had sex, that I was so broken they had to be careful with me.”
“If you need me to be a safe guy… I will be that for you. I can think of all kinds of ways to spice up missionary and leave you walking funny the whole week until I get to have you again.”
She laughed and lifted up on her toes to brush her wet lips against mine. “You couldn’t be safe if you tried.”
I swallowed down a lump wondering if that meant I could never be what she needed.
“No one has ever made me feel less broken than you. Thank you.”
I swallowed down the lump that had lodged in my throat. “You’re welcome.”
I spent the next hour proving to her just how perfectly unbroken she was, and I didn’t hold back.
Finn
“Did you invite Olivia to the event on Saturday?” Foster asked after practice. We walked toward our vehicles in the back lot.
“Nah, I’m bringing Adele. She’s flying in for the weekend.” It took less convincing than I expected to get Adele to visit. Which turned out to be a good thing because I was cleared to play and couldn’t get away even for a day to fly to New York this week.
Foster stopped at his car and gave me a quizzical look. “Chance’s sister? It’s serious then?”
“I’ve been flying to New York every chance I get, of course it’s serious.”
There might have been a little edge to my voice because Foster held up a hand. “Sorry man, I didn’t know. I didn’t even know about her until last week. How come you two didn’t hook up sooner? She’s the one you were staying with in Hermosa Beach, right?”
I nodded. “She had a boyfriend.”
He stopped and motioned behind me. “Be careful. You don’t have the best track record of picking the ones that are interested in sticking around.”
I turned to see Cindy walking toward us. She’d stopped calling a few weeks ago and I thought she’d gotten the hint but looks like she was just working up to facing me in person.
“You alright?” Foster asked.
“Yeah. I’m good.”
He got in his car and I met Cindy halfway.
“Hey, Finn.”
“Cindy.”
I knew there was something she wanted to say, but when she didn’t immediately speak, I started past her. I wasn’t going to stand here and wait for her to figure out what to say.
“I’m sorry,” she blurted to my back.
I didn’t bother turning around or responding. My jaw clenched. That was it? After all this time, that’s all she could come up with?
I was a bit agitated as I drove home, despite trying not to let Cindy overshadow the excitement I had to see Adele. I was going to have to get used to seeing her. She might have hidden out for the past couple months, but she wasn’t going anywhere. Cindy was all LA. It’d been something I’d once liked about her. Representative of my making it to the next level. I don’t know what I’d represented for her, but I no longer cared.
Adele’s flight got in late, so I had a few hours to shower and make sure the place was presentable. I ordered groceries online and had them delivered in case she wanted to cook. I’d stocked my kitchen with a smaller version of the things I’d bought for her. I hadn’t used any of it, but I was hoping she’d visit enough to put them to use often.
I knew it might be years before she was ready to come back, but with my schedule this seemed to be working. Hopefully she thought so too. It was one of many questions I needed to ask. Truth was, I was scared of the answer. Scared that even though she said she liked how I pushed her, that I was going to make a wrong move and lose her again.
I gave kitty a bath, which she actually liked, and then put her new collar on her. She’d outgrown the last and I guess we were both putting our best foot forward this weekend. I’d use any means necessary – including my cat which I knew she loved.
I waited for her at baggage claim with a hat pulled low over my eyes. People always recognized me in airports. I think there was something about LAX that had people on high alert for celebrities.
Her red suitcase came around the carousel before she came into view. I grabbed it and stood just off to the side where a steady stream of arrivals exited the terminals.
A boy, maybe around eleven, caught my eye. I smiled so as not to seem like an ass, but then ducked my head a little lower. Not everyone who recognized me came over, but this kid did leaving me no choice but to stand up straight and respond when he said, “Oh my God, you’re Finn McCash.”
I nodded and a woman, who I assumed was his mother, followed behind.
“Mom, it’s Finn McCash. He plays for LA.”
I offered her a curt smile which she returned with a smirk. “I know who he is, Michael.”
Something told me everything she knew about me came from media garbage and not my actual soccer career.
“Will you sign my shirt?” he asked. “This is so cool. Are you going to be able to play soon?”
“Of course, and yes, I’ll be back next week. You’re a fan then?” I glanced around to see if Adele had made it through, but there was still no sign of her. “Do you have a pen?”
He looked to his mum. She dug through her purse until she found one. As I scribbled my name on the back of his shirt, the boy went on about games he’d seen me play – he really was a fan, reciting stats I didn’t even keep track of anymore.
I took a selfie with him and then he told me he needed to text his friends and I was pretty much forgotten. His mum stepped closer and spoke so only I could hear. “Cindy was a fool. You’re better off without her. You need someone who appreciates what they have.”
I had no idea what to say to that and I was just about to say a polite goodbye when a voice came from my other side.
“Don’t worry, he has someone that appreciates him.” Adele’s voice made me jump.
“You made it.” I hugged her all too eagerly. Five days was too long. I was so utterly head over heels and I felt like I could finally take a fucking breath again with her beside me. “God, I missed you. What took you so long? Were you the last person off the plane just because you knew it’d make me crazy waiting for you?”
“I needed to freshen up after six hours on a plane.”
“Mmm. I don’t mind when you’re dirty,” I whispered and nipped at her neck just below her ear, and then remembered we still had an audience.
Pulling back, I wrapped an arm around her and then nodded to Michael. “Nice meeting you. I’ll put tickets for the next home game at will call. Hope you can make it.”
His eyes got huge. “Really? Thank you.”
“That’s really nice of you,” his mum said. She’d found her composure and sounded genuine in the compliment. “Thank you.”