These are my best friends, so why is it so much more appealing to go hang out with strangers right now? I could just tell them. I could open my mouth and tell Cole and Ollie that I’m gay. They’ll be surprised, but it’ll be fine.
But then I’ll have one more bit of guilt hanging over my head when it comes to Val.
But now the question is how do I explain to them that I’m ditching them to go to a different gay bar to hang out with some guy I hardly know? It would be so easy to just blurt “There’s a really cute guy who wants to hang out; I’ll catch you later.” Hell, how many times did Cole say some version of that before he met Ren? They’d probably get a kick out of me coming out that way to them. It wouldn’t have to be a big deal.
“I have to go,” I say instead.
Cole and Ollie both look over at me. “Everything okay?” Ollie asks.
“Yeah, I just need to run something over to Val’s. Livi, um, left something,” I stumble over the lie, standing up while they both look at me with bland expressions.
“Okay, we’ll be here a while still, so come back if you feel like it,” Cole offers.
“Sure,” I say, even though I know I won’t come back.
Jack’s is only about ten minutes from Wooley’s, and this time when I pull into the parking lot, I don’t hesitate in my car. The mystery of what’s inside is gone, now I’m only left wondering what it means that Watson invited me out tonight. Did he mean it when he said he wanted to be friends? That thought is equal parts comforting and disappointing.
The gravel of the unpaved parking lot crunches under my feet as I make my way to the door. The only remaining streetlamp flickers but manages to keep shining.
It’s busier inside than it was on Monday, but it doesn’t take me long to spot Watson and his friends. They’re at the same table they occupied earlier in the week, and just like before, he seems to be entertaining them with some kind of story, gesturing wildly and making them laugh.
A man jostles past me, apologizing as he bumps into me, but I hardly notice it. I’m too focused on Watson and the light feeling expanding inside my chest.
He finishes his story and glances over his shoulder toward the door, and my heart leaps. He’s waiting for me. Our eyes lock, his whole face lighting up with a smile before he waves me over.
“I’m so glad you made it,” he says when I reach the table. “These are my friends, Mia and Jordy. Mia is a stereotypical lesbian complete with a career as a gym teacher, a Range Rover, and a favorite pair of Doc Martens.” His pretty friend glares at him, and then laughs, so the teasing must not be out of line. Thank god for friends who give each other shit, at least I don’t have to shed every inch of my normal comfort zone. “And Jordy and I met in college, and he hasn’t managed to shake me yet. He’s a botanist, so be nice to him, because he knows way too much about poisons derived from plants.” Jordy offers an evil smile, but only manages to hold it for a few seconds before reverting to a friendly, somewhat shy expression.
“You’re Livi’s gym teacher,” I say, recognizing Mia from the parent teacher conference. “It’s nice to meet you both. I’m guessing Wats has already told you both all about me, but I’m Ev, closeted gay contractor,” I introduce myself wryly, realizing this is the first time I’ve said the word out loud to anyone, and I didn’t even stumble over it. “Wow, why was that so much easier to say to strangers than to the people I’m closest to?” I muse.
“Because you don’t know us, so there aren’t any stakes,” Mia answers with a sympathetic smile.
“I hadn’t thought of it that way.” I tug on the bill of my cap and shift nervously on my feet. “I should grab a drink.” I point my thumb at the bar.
“I’ve got it,” Watson says. “I promised you a drink if you showed up.”
“You don’t have to,” I assure him.
“Sit the hell down, and let me be nice,” he says, the sweetness of his voice at odds with the forcefulness of his words.
I chuckle and pull out a chair. “Fine, if you’re going to be pushy about it,” I concede. “Jack and Coke, please.”
“You got it.” He nods. “Anyone else?” Both his friends hold up their half full glasses and grin at him. “Fine, one round on me, but one of you can pay for the next one.”
“Deal,” Mia agrees.
Watson drains the remains of his own drink and then makes his way up to the bar. I watch as he weaves through the crowd, stopping to say hi to a few different people on his way up. One man gives him a flirty grin and flicks Watson’s purple bowtie, which prompts Watson to give him a stern glare and bat his hand away. I know he mentioned he hangs out here a lot, and it’s obvious everyone here seems to know him. I’ve been going to Wooley’s for years, and I’ve hardly spoken to anyone outside of my small group of friends. Sure, on occasion I might play a round of darts with someone random, but I haven’t made other friends or acquaintances.
I love the smile on his face as he greets everyone along his way, the confident swagger he walks with. Will I ever feel that comfortable in my own skin? That free? Fuck, I want to.
“So, aside from your kid and your job, what’s your story?” Mia asks conversationally, drawing my attention away from staring at Wats.
“Not much to be honest,” I admit. “I work, I spend time with Livi, that’s about it.” I shrug, realizing how pathetic that sounds. “It’s not a glamorous life, but it works for me.”
“I think it sounds nice,” Jordy offers.
Watson returns with all of our drinks.
“To new friends,” Watson says, holding up his glass. I clank mine against his, and we both drink.
“Oh my god, I love this song,” Mia says, looking longingly over at the makeshift dance floor on the other side of the room.
“I’m not dancing with you,” Jordy says flatly, and she sticks her bottom lip out in a pout. “Ugh, fine, but only one song.”
She grins, grabbing his arm and dragging him away.
“No way is she letting him get away after one song,” Watson says with amusement, shaking his head.
“Your friends seem nice.”
“They are,” he agrees. “What are your friends like?”
I tell him about how I met Cole, Ollie, and Stone, how we started the business, and how our friendship has grown over the years along with our partnership.
“They can be dumbasses, but I love them,” I conclude.
“I can tell.” He reaches over and puts a hand on my arm. “I’m sure they won’t care that it took you so long to come out to them.”
“Oh, no, they’ll rib me about it, but it’ll be fine,” I agree.
“So why haven’t you?” He cocks his head and looks at me with curiosity.
“It probably sounds strange, wanting to tell Val first.” I sort of blurted that same thing in the text I sent him earlier but having the chance to explain it somehow makes me feel a little better. “After everything I put her though, I figure she deserves at least that much.”
“That makes sense to me,” he says, squeezing my arm and then pulling his hand back. I almost want to grab his hand and put it back. How long has it been since anyone has touched me, even in the most casual way? At least Livi is always good for a hug or two.