My whole body feels like Jell-O, but I manage to shove my boxers off and use them to mop up my release before tossing them in the direction of my hamper.
“I’m glad you called,” I say once I’m settled back against my pillow.
Watson chuckles, and I wish there was a way I could climb inside that warm sound and live there. “I bet.”
“Not just because of the mutual jerking off,” I clarify. “Although that was hot.”
“It was hot,” he agrees and then yawns.
It’s late on a weeknight. I know I should let him go so he can get to sleep. But I don’t want to get off the phone yet.
“Tell me about your week so far,” I prompt.
“It hasn’t been very exciting.”
“I don’t care, tell me anyway,” I insist.
I close my eyes and sink into the sound of his voice as he regales me with stories about his students and inside drama among some of the teachers. And when he’s done, I tell him all about this desperate housewife who made no attempt to hide her interest in me as I worked on the early stages of renovating her kitchen, and she watched shamelessly for hours.
“Can’t blame the poor woman,” Watson says. “If you showed up to do manual labor around my place, I would also stare shamelessly.”
“Oh yeah? I’m sure I could find some work to do around your place if that’s your kink. A little birdie told me you have a leaky sink that needs someone who’s good with their caulk,” I tease, imagining the fun we could have with a little roleplay.
“Only if you do it wearing nothing but a toolbelt.”
“Deal,” I agree with a laugh. “I…um, I came out to one of my friends this week.”
“Shut up. Why didn’t you lead with that?” he asks, sounding a lot more awake now. “How did it go? How are you feeling about it?”
“It just kind of happened. He asked if I was trying to get back together with Val, and I just couldn’t bring myself to outright lie to him about who I was seeing,” I explain. “It was easy. Honestly, it was a hell of a lot easier than lying every time the subject comes up. But there’s still Val to deal with, and I know it’s not going to be quite as simple coming out to her.”
“I’m glad it went well with your friend at least,” he says. “And you’ll tell your ex-wife when you’re ready. I don’t want you to feel rushed to do it just because we’re seeing each other.”
“No, I know,” I assure him. “I feel rushed because the conversation is long past due. I just wish I knew where to even start. What if she’s hurt that I waited so long to tell her? What if she’s pissed that I lied to her for so long? I mean, fuck, I never knew how it felt to fall for someone before, now I feel even worse that she felt all these incredible things toward me and all I ever felt was friendship.”
“Falling for someone, huh?” Watson asks, sounding a tiny bit smug and all kinds of hopeful. I want him right next to me so I can kiss him and tell him he’s kind of dumb for being surprised.
“Just a little,” I tease.
“Interesting. You’ll have to tell me more about it on our second date,” he says.
“You got it,” I agree. I hear him yawn again, and my eyes dart over to the digital clock on my nightstand. “It’s late, I should let you go.”
“Okay,” he agrees with yet another yawn. “Sweet dreams.”
“You too.”
I hang up and set my phone aside before getting up to put on some clean pajama pants and then climbing back into bed, the emptiness of it even more striking now than it was before. But there’s also an unfamiliar hope blooming in my chest. After all the years I’ve spent denying myself, I have a chance for something real now. I just have to work up the courage to tell Val before I let it slip away.
Watson
I put my phone down and slip out of bed so I can clean myself up. My body is still tingling from the insane orgasm, and my heart won’t stop singing the words he’s falling for me, even while my rational brain reminds me over and over that I’m headed for heartbreak.
Of course, he thinks he’s falling for me. He’s never felt anything like this before; he’s never given into his sexuality and allowed himself to experience it. I can’t imagine how intense this must be for him. Which is why I can’t take it to heart. I’m sure he thinks he means it, but eventually the shiny newness will wear off, and he’ll realize that he doesn’t want to go to a buffet and only have the chicken. Even if the chicken is a total catch.
In the bathroom, I wet a washcloth and use it to wipe the cum off my stomach before tossing it into the hamper and then face myself in the mirror.
“This is only for fun,” I say sternly. “He’s an amazing man, and it would be easy to fall in love with him, but you can’t do that.” The me in the mirror doesn’t seem all the convinced, so I throw in a firm glare for good measure. Sex, yes. Fun, yes. Falling in love? Absolutely not.
My heart finally deflates enough that I’m sure I’ve gotten my message across. I shuffle back to my bedroom and climb into bed.
It’s difficult to be a realist when my normal tendency is toward the optimistic, but that’s the road to heartbreak. I owe it to myself and to Everett to keep my feet on the ground.
In spite of how tired I was mere minutes ago, as soon as I lay my head on my pillow, all I can do is toss and turn. After an hour, I give up, throwing my blankets back and getting out of bed. I grab the top comforter and wrap it around my shoulders to keep me warm as I shuffle into the living room and make myself comfortable on the couch. I pull up Mama Mia! on my Amazon Prime and hit the play button.
I let the familiar songs and storyline drown out everything else, eventually falling asleep on the couch with the movie playing and having a very bizarre dream where Ev and I are in a musical.
My alarm wakes me the next morning. I grumble and rub my heavy eyes, yawning widely as I force myself to sit up. There’s a crick in my neck from sleeping on the couch and no doubt bags under my eyes from lack of sleep.
I’m moving exceptionally slowly as I get dressed and eventually manage to get my ass out the door before I’m late for work.
“Someone looks tired,” Mia says as I pour myself a cup of practically undrinkable coffee in the teacher’s lounge.
“Someone’s nosy,” I counter, tossing her a pointed look that she meets with a grin.
“Nosy? I’m simply a concerned friend, wondering what might’ve kept you up so late.”
“You’re the worst,” I complain, hiding my grin behind a sip of coffee. “If you must know, I had a late-night phone call with a certain someone.”
“Look at that smile,” she teases, poking at my cheek. I bat her hand away. “Things going well, I take it?”
“Things are going,” I answer vaguely, refusing to get any more excited about this than necessary. “It’s not going to last, but I’m enjoying it for what it is.”
“And what is it?” she asks.
“Hot,” I answer, Ev’s words and desperate sounds from last night echoing in my mind. “Like, insanely hot.”
“Good, you deserve a bit of heat.”