“But what about Kate?” he finally asked.
The boy had put his finger on the one single biggest flaw in this proposal. Leaving Kate would be excruciatingly hard. But she’d made it clear that this wasn’t anything serious for her. It was a fun sex-drenched diversion. She enjoyed him, but she didn’t need him. This grieving, troubled son of his did.
“Kate’s got her own thing going on. She’s probably moving back to LA.”
“Really? S.G. didn’t tell me. Neither did Emma. I was working at the farm yesterday and they didn’t say anything.”
“They probably don’t know yet. Kate’s been pretty quiet about it, so don’t say anything to them.”
“Okay.”
“Anyway, it’s not serious between us. We’re both adults and we didn’t go into this looking for romance.”
Even though that was true, it didn’t feel like the whole truth. Things had changed for him and it was going to hurt like hell to say goodbye. She had no idea how much it would hurt, and he didn’t plan to tell her. If he’d fallen in love with her, that was his own damn fault.
No ifs about it. He had fallen in love with her. But he’d take that secret with him back to Texas.
“Maybe she could come with us,” Dylan said, surprising him.
“You like Kate, huh?”
“Yeah. She’s kind of my lawyer. She never looks at me all judgy like some people do.”
Another testimonial to the amazingness of Kate. “She’s pretty damn cool. But like I said, she’s doing her own thing. She’s a California girl. You should hear her go on about brunch.”
He stepped closer to Dylan and dropped a hand on his shoulder. “Anyway, this decision is about you. You and me.”
Dylan looked up with one of his sudden, rare smiles. “I still can’t believe you’d move for me.”
The stunned wonder in his voice made Darius want to hit something. Had the boy been an afterthought his whole life? Hadn’t anyone ever put him first?
He remembered some of the things Kate had said about her childhood, and suddenly understood why she and Dylan had hit it off so well. She understood Dylan in a way he probably never would.
“Believe it, kid.” He hesitated, searching for the right words. “I’m late to this father thing, so I have to make up for it. And I’m going to. From now on, I’m a father first, before anything else. Understand?” He didn’t want to get sappy, but he needed Dylan to know he was serious.
Dylan nodded, his wide eyes glued to Darius’ face.
Darius squeezed his shoulder again, then added lightly, “We might want to find another sport besides hockey, though.”
“Yeah.” Dylan pulled away the ice pack and handed it back to him. “Or maybe we can skip the sports. Kate said you’re a good bass player. I was learning guitar before Mom died, but I didn’t bring it with me. Maybe…”
“Say no more.” Darius pulled out his phone and punched in the name of Lost Harbor’s only music store. “We’ll find you a guitar. We can have a jam session with Harris Badger, he’s a kickass fiddle player. He and I play backup for Gretel sometimes—”
He broke off as it occurred to him that there would be no more Lost Harbor jam sessions for him. No more Lost Harbor Puffins, either. No more bantering with the local police chief. No more town council meetings. No more hanging out at Gretel’s Cafe or the Olde Salt. No more Lost Harbor at all.
And worst of all, exponentially worse, unimaginably worse—no more Kate.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Whistling, Kate reached into the back of the Ford truck for one of the new raspberry canes that Emma had ordered. Since peonies bloomed year after year—sometimes as long as seventy years—no more new bushes were needed. To scratch her planting itch, her adventurous grandma had decided to try some raspberries. It was a bright sunshiny day and they’d be better off under cover, out of the brilliant sun, until they could be planted.
It was a time-sensitive task, and Emma was in town at a doctor’s appointment, and neither S.G. nor Dylan was available. Perfect timing for Darius to show up and lend a hand.
But as soon as she caught sight of his sober expression, she knew something was wrong. He didn’t have to say those lovely words, “We need to talk.” They were written all over his face.
And then other words were coming from his mouth, but the world had turned strange and surreal and she barely took them in.
Moving to Texas. With Dylan. Leaving in a few days.
A few days.
Leaving.
Leaving her. As if their relationship meant nothing. As if she meant nothing.
“Wow, big news,” she managed. On autopilot, she lifted a burlap-wrapped cane from the bed of the truck and set it into the red wheelbarrow.
“We just decided this morning. I wanted to tell you right away.”
She barely heard him. This feeling—this horrible helpless rejected feeling—it was so familiar. She’d grown up with it and she knew exactly how to handle it.
Make it not matter.
She and Darius had no commitment to each other. They’d never spoken about a future together. They were both jaded grownups who knew the drill. It didn’t matter if he left. But it hurts.
Make it not matter.
She could do this. Cool under pressure, that was her. Bluff your way through. Fake it until you make it.
“S.G.’s going to miss Dylan,” she said. Her voice sounded strange to her own ears, but hopefully not to his.
Darius studied her for a moment, while she schooled her expression as if she were facing a Superior Court judge. Show nothing. No weakness. No vulnerability.
“We’re hoping she can visit.” Stepping to her side, Darius grabbed two of the raspberry canes, one under each arm, and loaded them into the wheelbarrow.
Oh sure. Visit. S.G. could visit. That’s who they were worried about.
Feeling almost savage, Kate stalked back to the truck. “Sounds fun. I’m sure she’d love to see another part of the country. Especially one that’s so different from Alaska. I doubt she’s ever experienced temperatures above seventy. Should be quite the adventure—” She broke off as Darius put a hand on her arm and spun her around. “Hey!”
“Are you upset, Kate?” The softness in his deep voice nearly made her snap.
“Upset? Why would I be upset? I’m sure S.G. would love that.”
Something flinched across his face, and she realized that some of her inner fury was leaking out.
“Maybe you could come with her.” A tentative suggestion, nothing more.
“Maybe. Like a chaperone or something. She certainly can’t travel by herself, she’s never been on an airplane. I’ll consider that.” His touch on her arm felt like torture, all that warmth and strength that would never be hers again.
She freed her arm and returned to unloading the truck.
“Kate…”
“Yes, Darius?”
“It’s not…it has nothing to do with…that is…” He dragged one hand through his thick hair, leaving a smudge of potting soil on his forehead.
She could guess what he was trying to say, but she refused to help him out. If he was going to spring this on her, the least he could do was express it in his own words.