“I have to do what seems best for Dylan.”
“Of course you do.” Her fierceness seemed to take him by surprise.
“Then you aren’t…are you…okay with this?”
“Of course I am.”
Of course she wasn’t. He was leaving, without any warning at all. Just—up and leaving. After she’d let down all her protective shields and given him her trust. She never did that. She knew better.
On the other hand, the logical side of her agreed with his decision. He’d just become a father without any warning at all. He was trying to readjust his life to that new reality. He wanted to do his best for the son he’d just discovered. He was trying to do the right thing, and that was Darius in a nutshell.
And she loved him for it. Loved him so much it hurt.
And hated him for it too, because he was leaving.
Grow up. She busied herself with a raspberry cane, her face shielded by the burlap sack. This is how things go. We’re not committed to each other. I don’t know how he feels about me. I don’t know how I feel about him.
No, that was a lie. She knew exactly how she felt about him. She loved him. She loved him wildly and passionately. And most of all, she deeply, deeply respected him.
Which meant that she shouldn’t make “doing the right thing” difficult for him. Using every speck of her willpower and self-composure, she forced her lips into a smile and straightened up to face him.
“I truly respect your decision, Darius. You’re a good man. You’re a good father. You’re putting Dylan first and I completely support that. Without hesitation.”
He absorbed her words, holding her gaze with a searching intensity that made her nervous. She didn’t want him to see what was going on behind her calm facade. She didn’t want him to second-guess his decision.
“You don’t have to worry about me,” she said brusquely. “I’m a big girl and we always knew this was just a…” She ran out of words at that point. “Thing,” she ended weakly.
“Kate, it was never just a ‘thing’ to me.” His deep voice, the voice that had offered her so much kindness and strength, so many hot, sexy growls, made this infinitely harder. She couldn’t bear it. She had to put a stop to this.
“Well, it was to me. A fun thing. A very fun, sexy thing. But we’ve never talked about anything more than that. So please, like I said, don’t worry about me. We’re good, you and me. It’s all good.”
His eyebrows drew together over his silvery eyes. Had she hurt him with her cavalier attitude? Could he tell it was completely fake?
The wheelbarrow couldn’t hold any more raspberries, so she bent down to grab the handles. “When are you leaving, exactly?”
“As soon as we can. We’re going to rent a van and drive the Al-Can Highway. I figure there’s no better way to get to know each other than a road trip.”
Next couple of days? So soon? With a sense of panic, she adjusted her grip on the wheelbarrow. This was happening so fast. Her heart couldn’t keep up.
Her well-honed bravado skills came to her rescue. “Wow. You must be a speedy packer. It took me a week to leave LA.”
He cleared his throat and tucked his hands in his back pockets. “I was thinking that we should spend as much time together as possible until I leave. You could stay with us. We could plan your first visit to Texas and—”
“No.” That would be flat-out unbearable.
He gazed at her steadily, his gray eyes capturing hers.
“Let’s not drag this out.” She made an instant decision that felt like a lifeline. “I’m going to stay here on the farm and help Emma get these raspberries in. You guys take your time packing and planning your trip. There’s no need for me to hang around for that.”
She lifted the handles of the wheelbarrow and steered it down the path toward the high tunnel.
“Kate!” He strode after her, but she didn’t turn around. “Please. Don’t walk away. Let’s—”
“Let’s let it go.” She paused the wheelbarrow and twisted to face him. “That’s life in the big city. It’s been a fun ride, Darius. Let’s not make it more than that. Let’s move on down the road, okay?”
His eyes flared with emotion, but just then his phone rang. He glanced at it and swore. “Gotta take this.”
“Goodbye, Darius. Have a great trip with Dylan.”
She pushed forward, right into a patch of mud. The wheelbarrow’s front tire slowed in the muck, but she shoved furiously through it.
The last thing she needed was a reenactment of their first meeting. She might completely lose it if that happened.
She made it through the mud with only a brief wobble. When she reached the high tunnel, she trundled the wheelbarrow through the opening in the plastic and fastened it behind her. If only she could deadbolt the plastic flap and pile furniture against it. She needed to be alone right now. Away from any temptation to show Darius how she really felt. Which was—heartbroken.
Darius had broken her heart.
She hadn’t thought it was possible. She’d believed that all the tenderness had been drained from her heart by the time she filed for emancipation. Definitely by the time she got through law school. Most certainly by the time her father ruined her career.
But oh, how wrong she’d been. She’d fallen so hard and deep for Darius Boone that she had no idea how to get her heart back.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Three days after that maddening conversation with Kate, Darius completed the speediest packing job in history. He’d accomplished it by donating all his furniture to the Lost Harbor thrift store. The rest of his personal belongings he’d crammed into boxes and loaded into an RV called the “Sun Seeker.”
He and Dylan had bought the Sun Seeker on Craigslist from a widower who had no use for it anymore. The two of them had driven it home and parked it in Kate’s space in the driveway, then cleaned it from top to bottom.
Kate wasn’t using her spot, after all. In fact, Kate hadn’t come to the duplex once during their entire three-day packing spree.
She was moving on. Just like that.
He was trying to do the same thing. The long list of things to deal with before they hit the road helped. Every moment was occupied with meetings with the city council, the mayor, Nate Prudhoe, his crew, his hockey team, his music buddies.
Everyone expressed shock or distress over his decision, and most urged him to reconsider. It touched him that the town had accepted him so completely.
Only Harris Badger seemed unworried by this sudden move. “Eh, you’ll be back,” he said with a shrug. “I thought about leaving once. It didn’t sit right, and I turned around when I reached Tok. We’ll be seeing you again.”
Darius shrugged and gave the man a hug anyway.
Saying goodbye to S.G. was the hardest part of all—not including Kate, obviously. That goodbye had been a total disaster. S.G.’s wasn’t much better.
He took her to the Burger Queen drive-through, her favorite place for cheeseburgers. But she flat-out refused to accept that they were leaving.
“Dylan doesn’t want to go,” she kept saying. “He likes it here.”