“No—”
“Don’t make this hard on yourself, Gemma. Don’t make me come for you.”
14
Callan
As the morning sun rises on the horizon, I lay in bed, my arm on my forehead as my thoughts go back to yesterday. Jesus, my heart nearly jumped from my chest after Kaitlyn asked if Gemma could be her mother. We’ve been having fun together and she’s so good with my daughter, but committing and giving myself fully, scares the living shit out of me. I can’t imagine a life without Gemma in it. But I don’t know if I can give her what she wants. After losing a wife and unborn son, I’m not sure I have it in me to walk that road again. Take those kinds of chances.
Last night, on my way back from the portables with Kaitlyn, I knew Gemma and I needed to talk, but realized it would have to wait when I found a very shaken up Gemma. The second she told me about Brad showing up, I jumped up and searched the crowd—even though she didn’t want me to. But I was ready to introduce his face to my fist. Just like a fucking bully, he showed up when she was alone. The guy needs to come pick on someone his own size. She insisted she was okay, and that I should go out and shoot pool with the guys, but no way was I leaving her alone.
“Good morning,” I say as Gemma rolls over in the bed and opens her eyes. Her smile is warm and enticing, but then it falls. Every muscle in my body tenses. “What’s wrong?”
“I…don’t know,” she says, and jumps from the bed. She hurries into the bathroom and I hear her retching into the toilet. I tug on a pair of sweats and follow her in. She whimpers and waves me off. “Go, I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“Stop it,” I say and take her hair, pulling it back so she doesn’t get it wet.
“Callan,” she moans. “Ugh, I don’t think I should have eaten all that junk yesterday.”
I touch her head, and find her a bit warm. “I’m not sure it was the food. You feel a bit feverish, really.”
“No,” she said. “I don’t want to be sick.”
“No one does,” I say and get her a glass of water. She rinses her mouth and leans against the tub. “Better.”
“I think so.”
“Think we should get you to the doctor?”
“No, it’s probably something I ate…” She goes quiet, and frowns.
“Or maybe it’s because of Brad,” I say. “I think we need to go to the police, Gemma. This could be the result of stress.”
“I don’t want to. I want this to just go away.”
“I don’t think he’s going away.” I push her damp hair from her forehead. “He threatened you.”
“Callan, if anything ever happened to you and Kaitlyn because—”
“Nothing is going to happen to us,” I tell her. “Or you. You’re staying with me, in this house until he’s out of your life for good.”
“I’m not sure that’s ever going to happen. His parents are best friends with my parents, remember, and I’m only here for a little while longer. I need to get back to my place, and to my real life before the new school year starts. You won’t need me here then. Kaitlyn won’t need a nanny.”
I open my mouth, wanting to tell her I do need her, and her being here with me isn’t just to take care of Kaitlyn. I want her here with me, but how can I say those things when I’m not sure I can give her what she needs? I’m not going to be the guy to keep her from having a house full of children, because I’m too much of a chicken shit, too afraid of loving and losing…again. Even if I wasn’t afraid, I can’t forget the reminder she just gave me—she needs to get back to her real life. Yeah, I get it, this one is just pretend. Although, I’m not even sure we’re pretending anymore. Or is she just not feeling what I’m feeling?
Fuck me.
She looks down, her brow furrowed, and I worry she’s going to be sick again.
“Gemma, what’s wrong?”
We both turn at the sound of Kaitlyn’s voice.
“I’m not feeling well,” Gemma says.
Kaitlyn opens the sliver of a closet, takes out a cloth and runs it under the water. She puts it on Gemma’s forehead and my heart swells.
“This is what Daddy does when I don’t feel good.”
“Thank you, sweetie,” Gemma says. “I’m sorry I woke you. Why don’t you go back to bed? You don’t want to be tired when you go visit your grandparents later.”
“You didn’t wake me. There was a noise outside. A big bang.”
Gemma and I both look at each other, and from the widening of her eyes, it’s clear we’re both thinking the same thing. “Kaitlyn, go crawl into bed with Gemma. I’m going to check things out.”
Gemma captures my arm. “Callan. Please, don’t.”
I put my hand on hers. “I’m sure it’s nothing, but you two go jump in bed, okay?”
She nods and I help her to her feet. When they’re both under the blankets, I tug on a T-shirt and head outside.
I walk the house and find the garbage can tipped over. I fix it and head back inside. The girls are talking quietly when I reach the bedroom.
“I think it was a racoon. The garbage was tipped.”
Kaitlyn laughs, clearly finding the idea funny. “Come on, kiddo. You need a few more hours of sleep. So does Gemma.”
Kaitlyn gives Gemma a kiss on the cheek. “I hope you feel better.”
“I already do,” she says, her lids falling shut before I can even get Kaitlyn out the door. I get Kaitlyn tucked in and go back in to check on Gemma, who is fast asleep. I touch her forehead again and find her still a bit warm.
I make my way to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee, a little too worked up to fall back to sleep. Cup of java in hand, I head to the garage to do a bit of tidying, all the while thinking I should call the cops and get a restraining order against Brad. Gemma doesn’t want me to, but him showing up last night and threatening her…well, he needs to know he can’t get away with shit like that.
I work out my frustrations by cleaning, and when I check the time, it’s eight, time for Kaitlyn to get up and head to her grandparents. Although maybe I’ll keep her here. If Gemma isn’t well, we won’t be going out to dinner tonight.
I head back inside, and Kaitlyn is in the bathroom when I reach the top step. “Almost done, Daddy,” she calls out and I stick my head into my bedroom. Gemma opens one eye, and smiles at me.
I cross the room and sit on the bed. “How are you feeling?”
“So much better. I’m not sure what that was all about but it’s passed, and I’m actually starving.”
I chuckle and tug the blankets down. “I’ll make us breakfast.” I pause. “Do you still want to go out tonight, or do you want to just stay in and rest?”
She looks past my shoulder to see if the coast is clear, grabs my T-shirt and brings me close, her mood very different from earlier this morning. “I want to go out to dinner, and then I want to come back here. But not to rest.”
I laugh. “What’s gotten into you?”