“Tonight, it will be you,” she teases, and I put my hand on her cheek.
“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. You’re still flushed.”
“Yeah, but it’s not because I’m sick,” she says, a smile on her face.
“Well enough to help with breakfast.”
“Burnt toast and runny eggs coming up.”
I laugh. “On that note.” I stand, and say, “I’ll get started. Come down when you’re ready.” I head downstairs and find Kaitlyn in front of the TV. “Want to help me with breakfast?”
“Can we have pancakes with the smiley face?”
“Sure,” I say and she jumps up.
“I’ll get the chocolate chips.”
I roll my eyes. She never thought to put chocolate chips in her pancakes until Gemma taught her and turned it into something fun by making them into a smiley face. Kaitlyn loves them, but I only let her have the chocolate on the weekends and as a special treat.
She grabs the bag, and I reach for the bowl. “Daddy, I want a baby brother,” she says, and I nearly choke on my tongue.
“You do, huh?” I say quickly pulling myself together.
“Baily just got a baby brother. Can I have one too?”
“Well, kiddo, it’s not really that easy.”
“I know you need a mommy to have a baby, but Gemma is going to be my mommy, right?”
Well fuck. So much for her forgetting about that.
I pull a chair out and gesture for her to sit. I drop into the one next to her. “Where is all this coming from?” I ask, my throat so goddamn tight it’s a bit hard to talk.
“I want a real mommy,” she says with a frown, her eyes big and sad. My gut clenches. “And I want a baby brother to play with.”
“I know you do, honey,” I say, hating that I’ve deprived her of this. “But I don’t think that’s something that’s going to happen. We got Gilbert for you to play with.”
She folds her arms and her eyes fill with tears. My fucking heart nearly splits into two. “It’s not the same.”
“I know,” I say and ruffle her hair. “But we can’t have a baby without a mommy, right?”
“But Gemma can be our mommy.”
I tug on my hair, not knowing how to handle this. “Honey, a man and a woman must love each other before they get married and make a baby.”
“Do you love Gemma?”
A noise behind me has me jumping to my feet, and when I find Gemma standing there, her eyes big, I figure she heard most of our conversation.
“Let’s get at those pancakes,” I say. “Then we need to get you to your grandparents.”
I step around the island and busy myself as Gemma slowly enters the kitchen, like she’s unsure whether she should be here or not.
“Gemma, are you feeling better?” Kaitlyn asks.
“I am,” she says and gives her a tap on the nose. “Thank you for asking, Kaitlyn.” She nods to the cage on the table in the corner. “How is Gilbert today?”
Her mouth opens, like she just had an epiphany. “Daddy, can we get a girl guinea pig and they can get married and have babies?”
“Ah, we’ll see,” I say before I can think better of it, and Kaitlyn jumps up and down and starts clapping. My eyes seek Gemma’s and she’s cringing. She comes my way and stands beside me as Kaitlyn takes Gilbert from the cage.
“What have you done?” she whispers.
“I don’t know. All this talk about a baby brother has rattled me.”
“Yeah, I heard that. I didn’t mean to listen in. Pretty deep conversation for an early Saturday morning.”
“I don’t think I handled it very well.”
“You did perfectly fine,” she says. “You have to be honest with her, Callan. If more children aren’t in your future, it’s best she knows that. She’s a kid, she’s resilient, and not having a sibling will in no way hurt her.”
I nod, even though I’m not a hundred percent sure about that. Gemma pours a cup of coffee and takes a sip. She makes a face, like she’d just tasted something spoiled.
“What’s wrong?”
“Tastes funny,” she says. I take the cup from her and take a drink. Seems okay to me. “I can make a fresh pot. This one has been on a long time.”
“I can do it,” she says and as she turns her attention to the coffee, and I glance at my daughter, who is telling Gilbert all about his upcoming wedding, and how he’s going to be a daddy soon.
My phone rings and I pull it from my pocket to read a message from Mason. The guys were disappointed that I stayed in last night, but after Gemma’s run in with Brad, I wasn’t going anywhere.
Mason: Hey bud, what’s up?
Callan: Getting breakfast and Kaitlyn ready to go to her grandparents.
Mason: Is Gemma going to be Kaitlyn’s new mommy!!!
I roll my eyes at the message.
Callan: Very funny.
Mason: Actually, I’m being serious.
I stare at the phone. How the hell do I reply to that? Three dots appear and I wait for his next message.
Mason: You two are good together, bud. Maybe you want to think about that.
Callan: It’s not like that.
Mason. Then make it like that.
I set my phone down as my heart jumps into my throat for the umpteenth time this morning. I turn to find Gemma staring at me.
“Everything okay?” she asks, and glances at my phone, worry lingering in her eyes.
“It was just Mason.”
“He must be disappointed that you didn’t go out last night.”
“He’s fine,” I say and pour water into the package batter.
Her eyes narrow, unconvinced. “Is he giving you a hard time about something? You look upset.”
I think about that for a second. I’ve told Gemma numerous times I didn’t want any more children—heck, Kaitlyn is all I can handle, or at least I thought so. While Gemma is adamant that Kaitlyn will be okay if we maintain the same life, as I look at my daughter, something deep inside me shifts, and all the hollowed-out spots fill with warmth and hope for a future. My God, what is happening to me? My heart beats a little faster as I envision Kaitlyn cooing over a new baby, but the biggest part of that picture is the woman holding the child—Gemma.
Is it possible that I can give Gemma everything she wants? Does she even want everything from me? I’m not sure but what I do know right now is we’re going to have to talk…and soon. But first I have to get my daughter ready, and Gemma and I have a dinner date. Talking will have to wait, but that doesn’t mean I can’t show her how much I care, how well we fit together, in other ways.
15
Gemma
“You look gorgeous,” Callan says when he enters the bedroom and finds me all dressed up and slipping on a pair of my favorite white gold earrings, a graduation present from my parents. I glance at him in the mirror, and take in his dress shirt, tie and pants. I sigh, my body warming at the mere sight of him. How will I ever be with another man, or even find one attractive after spending time with Callan? The simple answer is this. I won’t. Honest to God, who knew I’d fall so hard for him. Then again, how could a girl not? The way he makes me feel about myself, the way he’s looking at me this very second, like I’m the most important woman in the world, well, that can really do a number on a girl’s head—make them think there is more going on when there isn’t.