I wasn’t exactly sure what he was trying to say. Good for me, good for her, good for the both of us? How was setting me up with Bree good for her? It wasn’t my fault she didn’t get out of the house or had no friends.
“But you’re being an ass,” Kyle finished.
“I am not being an ass.”
“You are. You’re not even trying. I wouldn’t be surprised if they came back and called the rest of the night off.”
That would honestly be good news.
Kyle shook his head, whispering, “Please, Calum. Be nice to Bree.” He must either really care about Michelle’s sister or didn’t want my actions to make him look bad. Whichever one it was, I couldn’t argue with him.
I supposed I hadn’t been trying enough on this date. When they got back, I’d try harder, even if nothing lasting would come from tonight.
Chapter Five – Bree
I knew this would be a mistake. I knew it. I knew it, but I couldn’t convince Michelle that it was a bad idea, me going along with her on a double date with Kyle and his brother.
Calum was…well, besides the fact that he looked like a more handsome, more mature version of his brother, what I expected. He wasn’t interested in me or this stupid double date. I’d seen him watching the restaurant, staring at my sister like he wished I was her, half a dozen times. I wasn’t blind, and I wasn’t stupid.
The only thing I was was done.
And sad and depressed, but that went without saying.
I followed Michelle into the restroom, and after she checked whether we were alone, she whirled on me, folding her arms across her chest. “Bree,” she said, sounding like Mom, sounding like she was scolding me, for whatever reason.
“What?” I asked, not understanding why she was giving me such an attitude. None of this was my fault, and it was a damned good thing I didn’t come to this date expecting anything, otherwise I would’ve been even more hurt by Calum’s lack of interest.
I’d learned years ago to never get my hopes up. It was better to be pleasantly surprised than constantly let down—or at least, that was the idea behind it. Was I ever let down after taking on that view of the world, of life?
Yes. Even though I never got my hopes up, I was perpetually disappointed in everything, and I had no idea why.
“You’re not even trying,” Michelle said, breaking into my thoughts.
“Neither is he.”
“Fuck Calum,” she said. “You should try, anyway. Don’t you want to date? Don’t you want to get a boyfriend? You’ve never had one. Have you even kissed anyone yet?”
I had no idea what kissing had to do with any of this. “Why does that matter?”
“You’re twenty years old,” Michelle told me, dropping her arms to her sides as she stepped closer to me. “You’re older than me, but I feel like I have to take care of you, that I have to watch out for you.”
I stepped away from her, growing upset. “Why? I never asked you to feel like that. I never asked for you to set me up with anyone.” Honestly, the thought never once crossed my mind. “I don’t want to—”
“I know. That’s the problem. You don’t want to do anything. Well, guess what, Bree? Eventually life is going to come at you whether you want it to or not. Eventually you’re not going to be able to go to SCC and live with Mom and Dad anymore. Sooner or later you’re going to be on your own, which is why you need to live your life.”
“I didn’t come here to be lectured by my sister,” I muttered, turning my head away. My eyes met my reflection in the mirror, and I hardly recognized myself. My pink hair was wavy, makeup was on my face.
The girl staring back at me from the mirror wasn’t me. It was the girl Michelle wanted me to be, the girl who was better than me.
Michelle’s voice quieted, and she moved beside me, her reflection popping up beside mine. “I know. I just…I want you to be happy, Bree.”
Hence the issue. I would never be happy.
Still, my lips curled into a smile, and I turned to face her, hoping she was like Mom and Dad and believed the smile on my face. I whispered, “It’s not your job to make sure I’m happy, Michelle. I’ll be fine.” It looked like she was going to argue with me, so I added, mostly for her benefit, “I’ll try harder with Calum, okay? Now, we should get back out there.”
She nodded once. “Right. I do have to pee though, so wait for me.”
I stood off to the side, holding my hands in front of me as my sister went into a stall and did her business. Trying harder with Calum was not what I wanted to do, but if it would get Michelle off my back, if it would make her believe that I was happier, that I was able to handle whatever life threw at me, then I’d suffer.
Life sucked. I knew that enough by now. Even though I was miserable day to day, I never tried to end it. That was something, wasn’t it?
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’ve thought about it. I’ve thought about it a lot, but thinking about it and actually taking action to follow through were two very different things. I was far too much of a coward to ever try something like that. Plus, I knew Mom and Dad would hate themselves if they woke up one day and found me dead in the tub. I’d stopped living for myself a long time ago; now I lived for them.
That was as good of a reason as any to keep going, wasn’t it?
When Michelle was done, we left the restroom and rejoined the guys at the table. Both Kyle and Calum got out of the booth to let us slide in first, and I reached up, tucking some of my pink hair behind an ear, glancing at the man beside me.
He was no boy, that’s for sure. While Kyle still had that cherub look sometimes, the look of someone fresh out of high school, Calum didn’t. His jaw was squarer, his cheeks more pronounced. Dark stubble lined his jaw, thicker than any scruff I’d ever seen on Kyle’s cheeks. His eyes were the same color as Kyle’s: a deep, beautiful blue that reminded me of the waters in the tropics, so crisp and clear and warm. A color you could easily get lost in.
I hated the color of my eyes. Green reminded me of peas or baby shit. I’d much rather have blue, or even hazel, or a light, warm amber.
Kyle spoke to Michelle, “Everything come out alright, babe?” A smile grew on his face; it was a question I’d heard him ask her on multiple occasions when they were hanging out together in the house, a question of habit every time she came back from the bathroom, as if she had left to take a dump.
“Please tell me I don’t have to ask you that,” Calum spoke beside me, giving me a half smile.
I shook my head. “I’d rather you didn’t, actually.” Just like in the bathroom, I forced out a grin, trying to do what I’d told my sister I would: try harder. Be better. If this date was a disaster fest, it would not be because of me. It would be because of Calum and the fact that he would rather look at any other girl but me.
It was probably the hair. Most guys didn’t dig the bright pink hair, which meant they never approached me to begin with.
Unlike Mason, but he was weird. I still didn’t know what was up with him.
“Good,” Calum whispered, shooting a glance at his brother. “Because my brother’s weird for asking that.”