Mostly, I was so proud of myself for calmly exiting the app and slowly rolling up into a sitting position.
This was nothing new. I had seen this before even though it had been months. He had invited me, and I had said no. Maybe it would have happened even if I had gone along.
It was fine.
I sniffed.
Okay, it wasn’t fine, and I was a fucking idiot for thinking I could do this shit. That I could see it and deal with it. That my lack of expectations would keep me grounded.
He didn’t need me. I was just his old friend who made him feel… safe. He hated silence. He missed home.
I was a fool. A fool in so many ways I couldn’t even begin to count them.
But I wasn’t going to be for much longer, and I knew what I needed to do.
I dragged myself out of bed and headed for the shower.
That was when my phone rang again. It was a one-eight-hundred number.
Chances were, it was nothing to be excited about, but….
I answered it. “Hello?”
“Hello. Can I please speak with Ms. Brannen?”
“That’s me,” I answered.
“Great. I’m so glad to get you on the phone, Ms. Brannen. I was calling you in regards to the claim you filed….”
The next thing to wake me up was the knocking at the hotel room hours and hours later.
The super light knocking.
One peek at my phone showed that it was eleven thirty at night. There were a couple of missed texts from Connie… and from Zac too, apparently. I’d answer them in a minute, I figured, getting to my feet with a yawn. I peeked into the room with the kids. The two little boys were sharing a roll-out, twin-sized bed, and the little girl, Fiona, was passed out in her crib.
We’d had a lot of fun earlier.
I wasn’t sure who had been more surprised by it: me or them, the Graves family. Because when the doorbell at the house had rang that afternoon, when I’d known Zac had to be at practice, I’d been surprised to see the family standing on the other side of the glass door.
Zac had told them I was there. Zac who had texted me shortly after Trevor called to tell me he was fine and was I okay? Like he hadn’t gone missing.
Then somehow, one thing led to another, and the next thing I knew, I’d taken them to the Children’s Museum and to do a bunch of other fun shit.
The Aiden guy still didn’t talk much, but he smiled a lot around his kids and his wife. He’d even given me a tiny smile when I’d let his kids chase me around and acted super over the top as I fell to the floor when they’d gotten me. I’d learned that huge man was now retired from the NFO, and according to Vanessa, Aiden was very happy as a stay-at-home dad. I had to admit it was pretty adorable to imagine him that way. So it hadn’t been any kind of hardship to offer to watch the kids if they wanted to go out.
And surprisingly, they had agreed, promising to be back around midnight.
Which was a few minutes away.
Why would they be knocking on the hotel door anyway? They wouldn’t risk waking their kids up, and I’d given them my phone number.
With a yawn, I went up to the balls of my feet and glanced through the peephole.
I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t twist a moment before it started beating faster. Racing. Okay, it was racing… like a horse that wanted to get away.
But I wasn’t that kind of person, and like I’d told myself already multiple times over the course of the morning and afternoon, Zac hadn’t done anything. None of his actions had anything to do with me. Now if he talked shit about me, that was one thing; if he failed me or lied to me or wasn’t there when he’d promised to be, that was something else too.
But all he’d done was go out, like he had every right to, and hang out with women, like he also had every right to. It wasn’t like I hadn’t known he had a life. Yet none of that knowledge did a single thing for my heart.
It didn’t change the decision I’d made earlier either. If anything, I was more determined than ever to do what I had come up with.
So I opened the door and forced a small smile on my face before closing it mostly behind me, standing there in the gap to hopefully block our voices.
And Zac was there, in his oldest jeans and an old burnt orange college T-shirt, looking tired and worried. He had a big game this week, after all. His future depended on it. It was also past his bedtime.
“Hi,” I whispered, noticing how those light blue eyes moved over me. What? Making sure I was fine?
“I tried textin’ and callin’ you when you didn’t get home, Bibi. I was worried about you,” he said carefully, still looking me over.
I kept that stupid smile on my face. “Sorry, I had my phone on silent.” Lies, it was on vibrate. I just hadn’t seen a point in replying while I’d been awake.
Or even looking at the messages in the first place.
And that made me feel like a jerk now that I thought about it.
He must have thought I was full of shit because the lines across his forehead creased. “What are you doin’ here? I called Vanny, but she didn’t answer.” Why would she do that? “I called Boog and your sister, and they both laughed and hung up on me when I said I was worried you weren’t home.”
Part of my mouth moved up at that. Of course I was fine. They knew I could take care of myself. And I’d been texting Boogie earlier about Baby Boog stuff.
“I am fine,” I told him, keeping that stupid smile on my face even as I lifted a shoulder. “Just here babysitting the kids. Your friends will probably be here soon, but I’ll stay even if they aren’t.”
Those blue-blue eyes roamed my face, and those creases on his forehead didn’t go anywhere either. “I was worried about you,” he repeated.
And still, I gave him the same face.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
“You sure?”
I nodded.
“Want me to wait with you ’til they get back?”
“It’s fine. They’re sleeping. I’m sure you need to get your rest,” I told him calmly, maybe even coolly, staring him right into his eyes at the subtle, petty reminder that he hadn’t come home last night because he’d gone out. And stayed out. Which was none of my stupid business.
“I can hang out with you ’til they get back.”
“It’s all right. Probably shouldn’t be talking in there and wake them up. I’m a big girl; I’ll be all right.” That stupid expression still didn’t go anywhere. “Thank you for offering though.”
He hesitated, and something moved across his face. “You sure, kiddo?” he asked softly.
“Positive. Get some sleep. You need it.”
And maybe that was the wrong thing to say, because he definitely frowned then even as he took a step back.
A step back right before I closed the door in his face.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“What’s wrong with you?”
Snapping out of the daydream I’d been right in the middle of while standing in front of the refrigerator at Trevor’s house, I glanced over my shoulder to see Zac’s manager sitting at the kitchen island with his computer opened in front of him. He wasn’t looking at me. He was focused on the screen, but it wasn’t like there was someone else he’d been talking to.