When she threw a party, Erin liked to take a step back and watch the expressions on the couple’s faces.
Clay only looked at Alice, which made Erin’s heart squeeze. Alice’s eyes sparkled like diamonds as she took in the champagne sparkling in golden buckets on the tables, the gold and white decorations, the rustic touches that made the barn look like an actual barn for a change, and the bits of California décor that spoke to Alice’s home state.
Alice turned to Erin and mouthed I love you before being swallowed up by all her guests.
Erin couldn’t be happier for her friends. They all ate and drank and celebrated Clay and Alice, and it turned out to be a perfect day. Erin and her sisters stayed busy making sure every guest was accommodated, which turned out to be beneficial, because Erin was trying her best to avoid Jason.
Not that she didn’t want to see him anymore. She absolutely did. She just had to get her riotous emotions under control first. Once she worked it all out in her head, she’d be fine and they could go on the way they were.
Fortunately, Jason was occupied with Clay and some of their other friends, and she had taken organizational point, which meant she was on the run most of the day, which suited her just fine.
Until her mother grabbed her by the arm and hauled her out of the barn.
“What are you doing?” her mother asked.
She frowned. “Making sure the food trays stay full and we don’t run out of wine or beer or iced tea or water. And that our guests are happy. You know, my job.”
“We hired caterers for the day. That’s their job. There’s plenty to drink and we only need to check periodically. You haven’t sat down in three hours and I’m sure your friend Alice would love for you to spend time with her to help celebrate her engagement.”
She looked over and saw Alice sitting with Clay and Jason. Alice looked up at her with an expectant smile.
“Oh, well, I was just going to—”
“You were just going to go over there and sit with Alice.”
Mom gave her that look.
“Mom.”
“Go sit down, Erin.”
When you got that look plus the tone of voice, you did not disobey. Erin had to admit defeat.
“Yes, ma’am.”
She walked over, immediately catching sight of Jason tracking her with his gaze.
The man’s smile could light up a city. Maybe even a universe. For sure it lit up her heart, making it trip over itself as she made her way to the table.
Apparently, she hadn’t gotten her emotions under control during all that time she’d been avoiding him. And she still had no answers on how to do that.
But Alice pointed to the chair next to hers, which was on the other side of the table from Jason.
“Come sit next to me and we’ll catch up,” Alice said. “Have some wine. You’ve been working the entire time.”
“I’m sorry. I wanted to make sure you and Clay had a good party.”
“The party is amazing, Erin. More than I could have ever imagined. My parents are thrilled. Clay’s parents are so happy. We couldn’t have asked for more. I didn’t even expect this. It’s just . . . everything. Thank you.”
Alice threw her arms around Erin and hugged her. Tears pricked Erin’s eyes and she forced herself not to burst into tears. Instead, she squeezed her friend tight.
“You’re welcome. You deserve this.”
When Alice pulled back, her eyes shimmered with unshed tears, too. She laughed. “Well, no more of that. I can’t wait to plan the wedding.”
“May will be here before you know it.”
“I know. And I have to get a dress. The venue is set, of course, but there are so many details.”
“Hey,” Erin said, laying her hand over Alice’s. “We’re both planners. We can manage all the details.”
“You’re right. I just started thinking that it’s less than a year away and had a minute of panic.”
“No panicking. You’ve got me as your maid of honor now. I’ve got this. And I’ll make sure you do, too.”
“Thank God. Because I’m in LA next week, and then when I get back? All the planning.”
She gave Alice a confident smile. “Already on my schedule.”
“So tell me what’s going on with Jason,” Alice asked.
Erin frowned, trying to avoid looking across the table at the subject of their conversation. “What do you mean? Everything’s fine.”
“Is it? Because it seems to me every time he tries to approach, you turn and nearly run in the opposite direction. Are you two fighting?”
She couldn’t resist. She took a quick glance across the table. Jason had gotten up and was at the bar at the other end of the room chatting with Finn.
“No, we’re good.”
Alice cocked her head to the side. “You know, a good friend of mine once told me that I should face my feelings. Are you in avoidance?”
Alice was a good friend. A friend who was right. But now wasn’t the time.
“You do realize this is your engagement party, right?”
“And you do realize that we’re friends, and I’m here for you, no matter what or when. So spill it.”
She sighed, realizing she wasn’t going to be able to back her way out of having this conversation with Alice. “Okay. I’ve got some mixed emotions going on. Feelings that I don’t know what to do with or think about. You know how you get into a relationship that starts out one way, and then suddenly it turns out another way entirely—a way you didn’t expect at all?”
Alice beamed a smile. “Oh, yes. I’m marrying that guy.”
That answer hit like a building falling on top of her. “Okay, that’s not what’s happening to me.”
“So what is happening? Are you saying you don’t have feelings for Jason?”
“Well, I’m not saying that, either.”
Alice shrugged. “I’m confused.”
“Me, too. Let’s just say I’m still trying to reconcile the past relationship, while trying to juggle the current one. And I think my feelings are getting tied up in the mix between the two.”
“So you still have feelings for Owen.”
“Oh, God no. In fact, I’m second-guessing if I ever had the right kind of feelings for Owen. Which means how do I even know what love really is?”
Alice laid her hand over Erin’s. “Oh, honey. When it’s real love? You’ll know it.”
“I thought I knew it before. That’s what I’m saying. Was I caught up in the romance of . . . romance? The whole proposal and wedding planning thing? Because while I’m pissed as hell that Owen dumped me right before the wedding, to be honest, Alice?” She looked around to make sure no one was within hearing distance. They weren’t, so she continued. “To be honest, I don’t miss Owen. I’m not heartbroken over losing him, and I should be. If I loved him, I should be nursing heartbreak. The only thing I’ve been nursing is my feelings of anger and rejection.”
“Ohh, okay. Now I’m getting it. You’re comparing your feelings for Owen versus your growing feelings for Jason, and it’s confusing you.”
“Like you would not believe.” She was so happy to have a friend who understood her dilemma.