Jason didn’t know what he meant by that.
He supposed he’d have to let Owen and Erin figure it out together.
And he’d just have to wait.
CHAPTER
thirty-three
SO WHAT HAVE you been doing?” Jason felt like he was sitting across the table from a stranger instead of from the woman he loved.
“Oh, you know, just working and stuff.”
She kept her focus on her salad, didn’t even meet his gaze. They were having dinner, and he’d had to push to get her to agree. She’d been spending so much time with Owen it was like he’d almost had to beg to get some time with her.
“I spent some time with Owen today.”
She lifted her head. “You did? How’s he doing?”
“Good. Seems stronger.”
Her lips curved into the first smile he’d seen from her since he’d picked her up at her house. “I’m glad to hear that.”
His stomach twinged at that smile, because it wasn’t for him. It made him feel guilty. She should smile about Owen feeling better. So why did it make him feel so shitty?
He scooped his French fry into the ketchup, eating his food without even tasting it. Everything was bland without the joy of Erin’s smile and laughter in his life. They were out of sync, off kilter, and he didn’t like it.
“I thought maybe after whatever wedding you have on Saturday you might want to come over and spend the night at my place.”
“Oh. I, uh, was going to go over to Owen’s. There’s a movie marathon we were going to watch together.”
Again, that knot in his stomach. “Okay.”
“You could come over and watch with us. It’s a comedy marathon and I know you and Owen would enjoy watching that together.”
“Yeah. Maybe.”
She reached across the table to touch his hand. “What’s wrong, Jason?”
It wouldn’t be fair to ask her to see less of Owen. He was the guy she was going to marry. If she was still in love with him, what was he supposed to do? Ask her to back the hell off? Owen was sick. He needed her more than Jason did right now.
“Nothing. Everything’s fine.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Just fine.”
Except it wasn’t. And he didn’t know how to fix it.
Someone was going to get hurt, and he had a feeling it was going to be him. And just like all those years ago when Erin chose Owen, he was going to have to just suck it up and take it.
So after dinner he drove her back home and walked her to the front door. He wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her how he felt, but in the end he just brushed his lips across hers. It wasn’t enough.
“Night, Erin.”
She gave him a curious look. “Good night, Jason.”
He walked away without looking back.
ERIN STOOD ON the porch and watched Jason climb into his truck, feeling so empty inside she wanted to drop to the floor and cry.
She didn’t know what to do, how to make everyone happy.
Owen needed her. And she knew Jason was upset about all the time she was spending with Owen, but what was she supposed to do? Abandon the man she was going to marry? She felt . . . obligated. All that anger she’d held inside for so long was gone. Now she felt like it was her purpose to help Owen feel better. And in doing so she’d put her relationship with Jason on the back burner.
She felt as if she were being pulled apart, and no matter what decisions she made, they were going to be the wrong ones.
She was doing the best she could right now. It was all she had.
When she saw Jason’s taillights fade from view, she turned and went inside.
CHAPTER
thirty-four
ERIN HAD FINISHED off the last of her work for the day, then went up to her room to change clothes.
She was just winding her hair into a ponytail when she heard a knock.
“Come on in.”
Her mother came in and leaned against the doorway, studying her. “Are you seeing Jason tonight?”
“Jason? No. I’m taking dinner over to Owen’s.”
“So, you’re back with Owen?”
“Not exactly. I’m just helping him out while he’s having treatment.”
Her mom went silent. When Erin finished her hair, she turned to face her mother’s inscrutable expression.
“What?” she asked.
“For a while there, I had a feeling you had fallen in love with Jason.”
She didn’t know how to answer that, and every mention of Jason made her stomach clench in anxiety. “I . . . I just need to help take care of Owen right now.”
“Why is Owen suddenly your responsibility?”
She tilted her head. “Mom. He’s sick.”
“Yes, he is. And I feel awful about that. Gwen and I have had several long conversations about his treatment and prognosis. She seems to think he’s going to bounce back from this in no time at all.”
“Yes. I agree.” She had to believe that.
Her mother came into the room and sat on the edge of Erin’s bed, then patted the spot next to her, giving Erin no choice but to come sit down. She did, and waited for her mom to speak.
“Do you love him?”
“Who?” she blurted, realizing she had no idea which man her mother was referring to.
“Owen, honey. Are you still in love with Owen?”
“Oh. No. I care about him. I feel awful about him being sick, and I feel somehow responsible for helping him.”
“And in doing so, you’re losing the man you do love.”
Tears pricked her eyes. “Jason.”
Her mother grabbed her hand. “Yes. So you need to figure out how to handle this. You’re not responsible for Owen anymore. He freed you from that responsibility when he broke up with you.”
“But, Mom, he broke up with me so I wouldn’t feel responsible for him. What if he still loves me?”
“Then you need to have an honest conversation with him, and tell him that you’re in love with someone else now.”
She shuddered in a sob. “How can I do that? How can I break his heart like that when he’s so sick?”
Her mother smoothed her hand down her back. “I don’t know. But even if I was sick, I’d want the person I cared about to be honest with me.”
She closed her eyes, realizing her mother was right. She owed Owen the truth. And she owed Jason the truth.
It was time to suck it up and stop trying to be everything to everyone. She couldn’t do that anymore.
“Thanks, Mom.” She threw her arms around her mother and hugged her tight. “I needed this.”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
After her mother left her room, she cleaned up her face, fixed her makeup, then headed out. She picked up chicken salad sandwiches and some soup for dinner for Owen and her tonight, and thought about what she was going to say to him on the way over.
By the time she arrived at Owen’s apartment, she still had no idea. She supposed she’d just have to wing it.
Owen smiled as he opened the door. “Hey there.”
She leaned in to give him a quick hug. “Hi. How are you feeling?”