Her voice trails off, probably because I’ve told her this before, that we can’t. That we’d get too emotionally attached before I leave. It wouldn’t be good for either of us.
“I want you, River Jacobs. And I don’t care if I never get over you. I want you tonight. Especially if in a few months you’ll be gone. We don’t have time to keep wasting.”
She’s forward and it’s attractive as hell. I want to give her all of me. I want everything with this girl. When I met her, there was just something about her that sucked me in and kept me wanting more.
“I want you too. I need you to know something,” I tell her, bracing myself for what I’m about to say. I didn’t expect to do this tonight, but I can’t keep it in anymore. I don’t want to keep anything from her. “It’s been four weeks since we were here the first time.” I motion to the rooftop. “I don’t think there’s been one day we haven’t seen each other and honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t gotten sick of me yet—”
“I could never get sick of you, Riv. I like everything about you,” she interrupts, in true Ava fashion.
“And I, you. I thought when I left you that note in the record shop that we’d have a couple of cool dates if I was lucky enough for you to call me, but I never in my wildest dreams thought we’d be here, on this rooftop, still hanging out four weeks later.”
“Four weeks isn’t really that long,” she notes, smirking at me.
“I know, I know. But for me it is. And anyway…” I pause to shake my head at her, “I love you, Ava.” With that, I stop, assessing her as her eyes grow wide. “And before you get all freaked out, I’ve never said that to anyone besides my family before. I didn’t expect this to happen, but it did. And I’m terrified because I’m leaving and I love you, but I don’t know when I’ll see you after I move. I hate that I’m being so selfish.” I feel overly emotional, but I try my best to contain it.
Ava scoots closer to me, reaching her hand up to stroke my cheek. She’s perfect. “I love you too, Riv. I mean that. But going after a dream you’ve had for years isn’t selfish. I want you to know that, and I want you to believe that.” She pulls me closer to her. “But you’re right. You will leave faster than our feelings will fade and that’s going to be terrible. But right now, you’re here and I’m here. So can we just be here? In this moment only? Please?”
I don’t answer her, but I press my lips to hers, hoping that’s enough.
Track Eight: Youth
by Daughter
AVA
River strays from my mouth, running his tongue along my jawline and up to my ear. He sucks on my earlobe as he undoes my blouse with one hand. He has no idea this is my first time, but he will soon enough.
River claims every inch of my skin, making his way down my body and planting small kisses along the way. When he gets to the top of my jeans, he stops and looks up at me from behind his long eyelashes. “Can I?” he asks, his voice a whisper.
We’re taking our chances out here on this roof, hoping no one comes up, but in my mind, it’s almost hotter that it’s a possibility. I’m nervous, feeling the warmth in my skin despite the biting early spring air.
I nod and suck in a sharp breath as he unbuttons my jeans and slides them down my legs, tugging them from my ankles. I’m wearing black panties; they aren’t anything special, but at least they don’t have flowers on them or something.
He pauses, taking me in and staring down at the black cotton—the only thing separating us. He hooks them with one finger and looks up to me, his eyes not leaving mine as he pulls them down. I arch my hips toward him, telling him with only my body how badly I want him.
“Ava, are you sure?” he asks, his face inches from my center.
I’m naked and vulnerable but with him, I feel safe. “Yes. Please.” I’ve never been so sure of something.
At the sound of my voice, he buries his head into me, licking and sucking and paying attention to every single part of me. He focuses his tongue on my clit and then runs it down my length, up and down, up and down. Until finally, one flick of his tongue at my opening and I can’t hold in my moans any longer.
I moan his name into the city night, and he knows I’m ready for more.
He inserts one finger, my opening tight around him. I feel his eyes trail up my body, to my own, and I look up at him. There isn’t even one ounce of hesitation in his eyes in this moment, and I’m grateful for it. Take my body, River. Take it and let it numb your pain.
After working me with both his tongue and his fingers, he eases himself onto his knees. I look at him with sheer need as he pulls himself out of his pants, and I see just how ready he is. This may be temporary, but in this moment, I wholly understand it’s what I want.
“Are you ready?” he asks, running his palm up and down himself.
“Yes. I want you to know I’m a virgin. But River, yes. I’m ready. I want this.” I don’t want this news to make him refuse, but not telling him wouldn’t be right.
He asks me again if I’m ready, and again, I reassure him. I watch as he slides a condom on, not bothering to ask me about birth control because he’s handling it himself.
“Tell me how you feel,” he says. “The entire time. If it doesn’t feel good, Ava. If it hurts. Tell me.”
I promise him I will, and my promise turns into complete pleasure as River enters me, slowly, for the first time. I know he doesn’t make it all the way in, but I am satisfied with this. He continues—slowly—in and out, taking his time. He stops every so often, mid-moan, waiting a few seconds before resuming. He asks me, more than I’d like, if I’m okay. I reply, each time breathlessly, that yes, I am much more than okay.
He focuses completely on me, cupping my breasts in his hands and gently pumping in and out of me. He takes my hand and brings it to my clit, showing me exactly how to rub to make everything that much more heightened, intensifying every single feeling running throughout my body. When I release, or at least what I think is a release, it feels like nothing else in the world matters. A high of adrenaline and natural ecstasy lingers as he finishes and allows himself to rest on me.
While there are no fireworks in the sky, I feel a million tiny embers exploding inside of me. I’m in love with River Jacobs.
“I don’t want to leave you,” he says, lips pressed to my chest.
I know what he means, but I can’t think about that right now. “This moment only. Please, Riv.”
He nods. “This moment only.”
Track Nine: Blue Jeans
by Lana Del Rey
RIVER
“Dillon Edward Keyes!” Ava yells at her brother. “Knock that shit off or I’m selling you on eBay!” She slaps at his hand, in a playful manner.
“You can’t sell me. Mom has to sell me because you don’t own me!” Dillon retorts.
I reach across the table and give him a fist bump. “You tell her, Dill.” The two of us laugh, a sense of camaraderie filling the diner.