Adam was not very charming. But he wasn’t the kind of mean that scared me. He yelled a lot, but he didn’t hit me. And, of the three of them, even though Donovan was the one who asked all the right questions and McKay was the one who paid the most attention, Adam was the one who protected me. And sometimes he even saved me.
One time, when I was in San Francisco and the job went bad, this guy had me by the hair with a knife to my throat. And Adam came in. Just kicked in the damn door and cut that man’s throat with his own knife. And then he said, to the dead man on the floor of that apartment, “Don’t you ever touch her again.” Even though he was dead and there was no chance of that happening, Adam said it anyway.
It wasn’t the only time he had to do that. When I was first starting to work the jobs I messed up a lot and Adam was always there. Saving me. He always came in the nick of time to save my ass.
So. I don’t hate him.
And he never did tell me I was a fuck-up. Ever. Even though I was. He just said, “Indie, you’ll learn. It’s fine.” And that was the end of it.
So they were all three different. But alike in a lot of ways too.
They all liked to drink after a job. Donovan wasn’t always there in the beginning. He was away at medical school. But he came at least once a month for our talks. And Adam was always going places. This place and that place. And when he came home he’d have a job for us to do. So McKay was the one I spent the most time with on the day to day.
And they were all young. Much older than me, but I was very young. They were just regular young. Adam was the oldest and he was twenty-three when he bought me at the auction. McKay is only one year younger than Adam and they had been friends since they were boys. Like the way Nate and I were friends. And Donovan—well, he was practically my own age by the time I was fifteen and everything fell apart.
I didn’t know everything was falling apart when it happened but I think they did. At least Adam did. He knew that what happened to the Company was bad. Even though the Company was also bad, having no Company was worse than bad, at least for us. Because then we had no protection. And if we were smart—this was what McKay kept saying after everything went down—if we were smart, we’d have stopped what we were doing and found a new way forward. I should’ve gone to school for real and not just to kill some senator’s daughter in her sleep and make it look like an overdose or a suicide.
But we didn’t. Adam decided to keep us going. Donovan found us new jobs. And we were our own team.
That was our downfall.
People like us… there’s always someone watching you. They are all insiders, otherwise how would they know where to look? But to be fair, Adam was always watching them too. So why he didn’t immediately understand that the other Company leftovers were looking at us, well. That was just a flat-out mistake.
And by the time Adam realized that we were being watched, it was probably too late.
I think that’s why I blame him most. He should’ve seen it coming. He should’ve prepared us for what came after the Company fell.
He should’ve known there were lingering secrets and he should’ve taken care of them before they festered and boiled.
But he didn’t. So that’s why I blame him most.
I blame McKay too. Because once things got past a certain point, he looked at me differently. And I hated him for that.
Donovan just wasn’t around. All that time he was in medical school he was getting two specialty degrees, not just one. So he left to be a fucking plastic surgeon in LA after things started falling apart.
I guess I could blame him for leaving me. But I don’t. Because he just wasn’t there.
Adam was there.
McKay was there.
And Nate was there.
And then, one day… none of them were there.
But someone else was.
CHAPTER FOUR - DONOVAN
MIND CONTROL IN CHILDREN: A CASE STUDY OF COMPANY ASSASSINS
INTERVIEW WITH INDIE, AGE 10.2
SESSION #1
DONOVAN: OK, Indie. Tell me what we’re doing.
INDIE: You already know what we’re doing.
Tell me again. This is what we call permission. You know what that means, right?
I’m telling you that something is… OK.
Exactly. So tell me what we’re doing so I can get it on this recording and if anyone objects to this in the future, it’s very clear that you gave me permission to do this.
Fine. I give you permission to record me. But I’m not gonna talk to you.
Why not?
Because it’s my head, that’s why. And what’s inside of it is none of your business.
I get that. I totally understand that. You’re a private person.
Yes. I am.
That’s fine. But you know why you’re here, right? You know how you got here to Old Home. You know why Adam brought you here. And you know why McKay is here. Right?
They explained it to me.
Now I want you to explain it back to me. OK? Just so we’re all on the same page.
Why do I have to answer your questions? How come you don’t have to answer my questions?
Well… you haven’t asked me any questions, Indie Anna.
Don’t call me that. I hate it. Adam said it’s a trailer trash name. And I don’t know what that means, but it doesn’t sound nice.
It’s a state, you crazy girl. It’s got nothing to do with trailer trash.
Well… what is trailer trash, exactly? Like… old newspapers and stuff?
No. It’s… not important. And don’t use that saying anymore. I don’t like it.
It’s mean, then. Isn’t it?
It’s mean. Yeah. But Indiana is a place. It’s a state here in the US. Up north near the lakes. But if you don’t want me to call you Indie Anna, then I won’t. I’ll call you Indie, like everyone else.
No… it’s fine. You can call me that. But no one else can.
I feel special.
You should. I don’t make exceptions for most people.
I’m truly honored. Now tell me why—
No. You have to answer my questions first. Then maybe I will answer yours.
OK. Ask me anything.
Why did you let them buy me?
You know why. You weren’t mine. But I think the question you’re really asking is… why did I let them take you?
Yes. You told me we were friends back on the island. And then… poof. They took me and you stayed behind.
I’m going away to medical school. I told you that back on the island. I can’t be here with you all the time. But I told you I would keep track of you and here I am. And… I would like to add that I’m the one who got Adam to buy you. I did that so you’d be taken care of.