Deep down, I’m nervous to come across as the inexperienced lover I am to the three men who know what they’re doing. I’m struggling with the idea that they have previous experiences that they can compare me to. What if, when they weigh me against their pasts, I come off as subpar?
And though I love Ash and Hale’s dominant natures outside of the bedroom, I can’t deny that I need to be in charge of the situation to feel comfortable enough in our advancing sexual relationships. I don’t want to let my past haunt me. What if something triggers me and it ruins these incredible memories we’re making?
I know I need to work past the fear of being inadequate and make sure that we move forward on everyone's terms. There’s no doubt in my mind that I want to experience everything with all of them—but I need to be honest with them, and myself, so that we can be prepared for my triggers if we find any.
Finishing up my shower, I grab the plush, lavender towel from the towel rack and dry myself as best I can without a hairdryer. I grab another, smaller towel and create a towel turban for my hair, while wrapping the bigger towel around myself.
I walk into the bedroom to find all the guys sprawled out, talking, and I try to figure out how to tell them what I admitted to myself in the shower. Though I’m still not happy with Hale dictating how he thinks we should proceed, he wasn’t entirely wrong in his suggestions. And he did mean the best. I was just too quick to wave him away because he stepped on my ego.
He knows me better than I know myself sometimes.
Without waiting to see if I have their attention, I word vomit from the doorway. “While showering, I was thinking about the topic of sex. Hale was right when he said I need to not be pushed but I also know that I don’t want to be treated like glass. I’m sorry for jumping down your throat, Hale. You were partly right.”
They sit up from their slouching position, wide-eyed, likely because I actually apologized. But I did emphasize that he was partly right. Baby steps.
“For now, what I propose is that you allow me to be the one to initiate anything new in our individual relationships until I’m comfortable. You all vaguely know that something wasn’t right before I met Beth and you guys. Though I’m not ready to go into details, and likely will never be, I’d like to replace those memories with new memories with you all.”
Hale stands up and comes over to me, dropping a light kiss on my lips. “I wish I could take those memories from you but I’m grateful you trust us to make new ones with you.”
The rest of them follow. Ash hugs me to him and whispers in my ear, “One day, I’ll mark you as mine but only when you’re ready. For now, know that you have my heart.”
My breath catches at Ash’s emotional sentiment. I’m so caught off-guard by it that I barely register when he leans down to peck me on the lips.
He moves to sit down and the twins come up to me together, holding my hands. “At your speed, always,” Luke says softly while Leo looks at me with a gentleness I’ve never seen in his eyes.
I extract my hands from them and land a soft kiss to each of their lips, not wanting them to feel excluded.
They sprawl out onto the bed as Zedd walks up to me, staring deep into my eyes. “We have all of our lives to explore the physical aspects of our relationship. I’m just thankful to be able to call you mine now after waiting for so many years.” He leans down to meet me as I tilt my head up, needing the kiss from the last piece of my soul.
When we part, I blow out a breath and smile at them, feeling like I made the right decision to tell them. It feels good to know that I’ve found men who will help me heal, on my terms.
Luke lies on the bed with his hands behind his head, observing me with a smile. “You look so damn cute with your little towel head.”
I roll my eyes but appreciate that he’s always trying to lighten a situation. Walking over to the drawers, I open a random one and am shocked to see all the articles of clothing that I could ever need inside. Score for coincidence! My eye catches on the few black leather outfits and I smirk.
Hell yes. I’ll finally look as badass as Witch Bitch.
Pulling a black satin pajama set out, I quickly return to the bathroom to change into the shorts and tank before coming back to our bedroom.
Where am I supposed to sleep? In the middle?
Zedd and Hale are on the ends of the would-be orgy, with the twins and Ash in the middle. At my visible discomfort, Ash says, “Lana, turn the damn light off and crawl in. We’ll all behave tonight.”
Yes, sir.
Flicking off the switch, I clamber into the bed and place myself dead in the middle, between Ash and Luke. I nuzzle into the feather-stuffed pillow and sigh, a lightness in my soul.
Bring on the training, Witch Bitch.
I’m ready.
Chapter Fourteen
Lana
The smell of coffee and bacon tickles my nose and I rise from my slumber like a vampire, my nose twitching in the air to take in the delicious scent. Coffee and bacon? Come to mama! I throw off the covers and leap out of the empty bed, racing down the stairs.
“You assholes better have saved me some bacon or there will be hell to pay!”
They know they have to save me coffee but they’re animals when it comes to food.
I slide to a stop near the kitchen island on the hardwood floor at the sight of a woman with similar features to Serenity. I regard her suspiciously. She’s identical to Serenity in build and facial structure but the hair and eye color are opposite on this woman. Unlike Serenity, her long, ass-length hair is silver and she has teal eyes.
Fuck me, is there another one?
My mood sours as the stranger openly laughs at the scowl on my face. “Wow, you guys weren’t joking when you told me how much she dislikes my sister.”
Sister. Bleurgh.
Warily, I make my way into the kitchen. Nothing, not even Witch Bitch 2.0, is keeping me from bacon. My eyes zero in with laser-like precision on Zedd, holding a plate of deliciousness. He offers it to me and I snatch it out of his hands, making my way to the counter and hopping onto a bar stool where a steaming cup of coffee awaits.
Maybe if I ignore her presence, she’ll do the same for me.
Sipping and munching, I sigh in bliss until the woman suddenly pops up at my side and holds her hand out. I almost jump but coffee-saving instincts kick in.
I guess that’s a no to my plan.
“Hi, I’m Lilli. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
I eye her pale hand like it’s a shock chair but slowly reach out to shake it with a barely-concealed wrinkle of my nose.
“Hello.” That’s all I can politely manage.
She laughs and plops down onto the empty chair next me, leaning her cheek on her propped-up hand. I’m irritated that the guys left her an opening by leaving us alone in the kitchen and that this chick won’t take a hint.
“Listen,” she says in a lilting voice. “I know how my sister can be, more than anyone else. She seems super arrogant and rude but it’s the only way she knows how to handle new people. Really, she’s an awkward potato.”
I furrow my brow at her. “An awkward potato?”
She drops her hand down and nods enthusiastically. “Yeah! She doesn’t do so well with social interaction in general. If she’s sassing you, that means you have potential. I know it’s ass-backwards but I swear, if she just ignored you and remained quiet like she does with most people, that would mean you’re never going to get on her good side."