I stood outside for a few minutes more, staring up at the lights as they shone against the darkening sky. I let out my breath and then turned and retreated back into my house. Back to the reality that was my world.
Once my door was shut and I was protected by the four walls of my home, I groaned and scrubbed my face. Dad was wrong. He was so wrong.
There was no way that woman cared about me.
She hated me. And I was pretty sure there was nothing I was ever going to be able to do to change that.
Chapter 7
Sadie
“First day of school!” I jumped and landed with my hands on either side of Parker’s prone form. “First day of school. First day of school.” I bounced on his bed, making him groan.
“Mom,” he said in a tone that sounded freakishly like my own, “stop jumping on the bed.”
“I can't help it. It’s the first day of school.” My smile was so big it hurt. I leaned over and blew a raspberry on his chubby cheek. “Time to get up.” Then I rolled off the bed and onto my feet like a ninja mama. “Your clothes are on your dresser. I’ll see you in the kitchen in five.”
He sat up, rubbing his eyes. He had too much of me in him—he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. Once we were awake, we were up and running.
My preparations the night before served us well. We cruised through getting ready. I put on my new Evergreen Hollow College tee shirt and a pair of jeans. I felt like a kid again, and all the jitters piled into my stomach.
We grabbed our pre-packed lunches and scooted out the door. I couldn’t wait for Parker to find the note I’d left for him in his bag. Just a Good luck on your first day, love Mom kind of thing, but I hoped it would put a smile on his face and boost his confidence.
Again, having too much of me in him, he was tender-hearted and didn’t gel with some of the rougher kids in class. I couldn’t shield him from everything tough, but I could make sure he always knew he was loved.
With my feet firmly planted on the bottom step—as Parker did his routine jump—he suddenly took off across the driveway while shouting, “Mason!”
I tried not to look but failed horribly. I glanced up to see Mason sitting on a lounge chair in a pair of running shorts and a tee shirt, nursing a water bottle. He had sweat dripping everywhere, like he’d just run a hundred miles.
His stupid sweat made his clothes cling to him. I averted my eyes, looking upward as if I had to gauge the chance of rain on this beautiful first day of school. I didn’t need daydream fodder for class today. I planned to be a model student. But, like they were being drawn by the world’s strongest magnet, my eyes slipped right back to his chest, where they found a pair of dog tags.
Dog tags.
Military.
Adam.
My heart stuttered to a stop, and it was all I could do to not cry. I don’t know why looking at Mason’s dog tags made me sad. They were his, not Adams. But something about them made me realize just how intertwined our fates were.
How had I gotten to this place? I’d been a single mom making things work. And now I was thrust back into the past with Adam once again in my thoughts, making me doubt my every action. Was going back to school really the right thing to do when it meant time away from our son?
Realizing that I was not only lost in thought, but also staring—without blinking—at Mason’s chest, I drew my gaze back up to meet his.
He was watching me, and my cheeks heated. Had he seen me staring? I narrowed my eyes as I attempted to read him. But of course, he was as tight as a clam.
I called for Parker. “We gotta go.”
Mason furrowed his brow as he looked at me, and I felt like one of those cartoons of a dog panting with his tongue hanging out. Creepy.
Parker lowered his Spider-Man backpack. He was proudly showing it off to Mason. Mason patted his shoulder and nodded, and then—and only then—did Parker come jogging back.
Not wanting to leave the image of me staring at his chest burned into Mason’s mind, I threw a short wave over my shoulder as a goodbye. Keeping my eyes where they should be was not an easy accomplishment. But I managed to get them on the road without counting how many abdominal muscles stood out in definition under his shirt. I was pretty sure that the term six-pack was not accurate for him
“You’re going to pick me up today, right?” Parker asked as we zoomed along to his school for drop-off.
“I am. And we’ll get ice cream to celebrate both our first days.”
“Okay,” he said slowly, which was strange. Parker took his frozen desserts as seriously as I did. I peeked back at him through the rearview mirror to see him pretend to throw a football.
“What’s up?” I asked.
Parker had a twinkle in his eye that got my momma heart singing. “Mason said he’d throw a football with me tonight, and I don’t want to miss it.”
A surge of gratitude for Mason rushed through me, and I bit my cheek. At the end of last year, the boys in his grade had all gone crazy over touch football at recess. Parker had lagged behind them a little, not having a dad or older brother to help him out. I’d done my best, but my spiral was more of a wobble-that-dies.
“Mason’s brother plays for the Wolves, so I bet he knows a thing or two.” I tried to remember what position Liam played. I knew that Mason had played in high school, but that died down after we graduated. I’m sure he could have gone pro, but he didn’t have the drive for it that pushed Liam to play in college and beyond.
Parker beamed, no doubt already anticipating his bragging rights. I glowed with happiness for him. If he had something to brag about, I wasn’t going to take it away. I’d told Mason he could shoot hoops with Parker and be an influence in his life. His willingness to spend time with him was a good thing—no matter how much it made me have to fight against liking him.
“Can we ask Mason to get ice cream with us?” Parker asked, and suddenly, I was grounded to the world again.
Sure, Parker could hang out with Mason, but I didn’t want to. There was no way I wanted us to go parading around Evergreen Hollow pretending to be a family. And I was pretty sure Mason didn’t want that either.
So I took a deep breath and shook my head. “Sorry, dude. That’s a mom and son date.”
Parker let out his signature “aw man,” but I just shrugged.
Luckily, just as I rounded the corner, all thoughts of tonight flew from my mind, and they seemed to disappear from Parker as well. He looked as nervous as I felt as I pulled into the drop-off lane. Thankfully, other moms were holding up the line, and I managed to keep my tears at bay as I took a quick picture of Parker in front of his school and then sent him inside.
All I could think about was him as a baby in my arms. Since when was he such a big kid?
I took a moment to compose myself at the stoplight. Thoughts of my own first day flooded my mind and nerves pushed out my emotions as I went. The drive to campus was another seventeen minutes—I’d worked out the timing precisely thanks to Google Maps—and I slid into my seat just before the professor walked through the door.
“Sadie?”
I turned to see that my table buddy for the day was none other than the first boy I’d ever kissed. His sandy-blonde hair and deep brown eyes were unmistakable. The memory of kissing him underneath the bleachers during the homecoming pep rally floated to the front of my mind. And before I could stop myself, I replied, “Camden?”