Ana sat at her desk absentmindedly flicking through the latest auction catalogue. She was meant to be checking the proof before it went to print but her mind was not on her work. She was waiting for morning in New York so she could ring Joel, and all she could think about was what she was going to say to him. It wasn’t like she expected him to keep his word and want her. She had no doubt it was all just said in a moment of passion to get laid. Joel had been texting her a lot, sending amazing flowers, singing her little messages down the phone, but she hadn’t wanted to indulge her fantasy, but Rex was gone now. Where she didn’t know, and she was alone. She felt so guilty about Rex, but he was strong, he was successful, and she hoped at some point he would realise that she had done him a favour. He deserved to be with someone who really loved him for all the right reasons, and that wasn’t her. The girls were right: she couldn’t stay with him just because he was there and would be an attentive father. She didn’t love him in the right way, and whether or not she ended up with Joel, she knew she couldn’t have stayed with Rex. Their relationship had just become a habit, and breaking away from one another was ultimately going to be the right call for them both. Anyway, how could she stay with someone who said foo-foo! Joel had just been the catalyst for the break-up. That was what she told herself and she hoped it was true.
Eventually it was 1 p.m. and the alarm pinged on her phone. It would be 7 a.m. in New York and this was a reasonable hour at which to call someone. Wasn’t it? She’d been watching the seconds count down, but was still surprised by the alarm. She grabbed her phone from her desk and walked purposefully outside, passing Jan as if on an important call. It was drizzling slightly, and she could feel her clothes starting to get damp, but right now nothing was going to dampen her spirits. She had been preparing to make this call since the door slammed behind Rex.
She pressed call as she settled down on the park bench in the square outside their offices, acting cool, praying a bus with his image on wouldn’t pass.
It rang. And rang. And rang. And then went to voicemail.
Ana had not prepared for this. She panicked. What if he was in bed with someone else? What if he was ignoring her call? In her fantasy, he always picked up and whispered something sexy. She hesitated, and then decided to exaggerate her sexy British voice, casually.
‘Hey,’ she purred, sounding sinister. She changed her voice, to something more chatty. ‘So, yup, whatevs, just checking in, to, you know, see how you are. OK, well, I am getting really wet so I am going to hang up now. Oh GOD, not that kind of wet, well, maybe, but it’s raining, so that’s why I am actually wet. OK, well, bye.’
She hung up and stared at the phone. What, she thought, have I just done? I’m nearly 40 years old and I’m as tongue-tied as a teenager caught shoplifting! I am wet?!
She tried to ring Stella to discuss what she had said. No answer. Then she tried Dixie, no answer. Where was everyone!?
She paced round the square a few times, telling herself that she was fine, it didn’t matter. Maybe it was quite funny? Anyway, he was probably with someone else, and wouldn’t even listen to the message anyway. Here she found a bitter-sweet consolation and went to get herself some lunch.
She was about to order herself an extra large cheese and ham melt, just in case that was what the baby wanted, when her phone buzzed. It was Joel. She panicked and ran from the shop, leaving behind all thoughts of her sandwich.
‘Hey, wet stuff,’ said the voice, growly and laughing. ‘Does your milkshake bring all the guys to the yard?’
She giggled coyly, feeling slightly sweaty and light-headed.
‘I’ve missed you… I thought you were ghosting me, that you’d gone back to London to forget it all ever happened.’
‘Oh I’m sure you don’t mind that much, Joel… I’m pretty sure I was just something to pass the time. No doubt there are lots of girls getting Joel-love all the time.’
‘Sure, there might have been a few, but that excess can’t go on forever. It would be exhausting.’ He was teasing. At least she hoped he was.
‘Well, if you’re too busy for little ol’Ana, then I guess I better hang up.’
‘You called me, remember? Maybe you want to see me again?’
‘I… Yes. There’s some things I need to tell you. I need you to know—’
‘Are you single yet?’
‘Am I— Yes. I told Rex about us and, well, you can imagine.’
‘Did you tell him how you feel about me?’
‘I… I don’t know how I feel about anything right now, Joel. This isn’t like when we were in our twenties and it was just a matter of do I want to shag him or not. I have things to deal with.’
‘You don’t have to come live with me straight away, but do you know where I am? Baja, California. Mexico, baby. Come join me! We can find a deserted island—’
‘I’m not joking, Joel. Though I would love an island. No, the thing is… I’ve found out… It’s certain that—’
‘You want to travel the world with me?’
‘No. It’s, look, I—’
‘If you want to try reverse cowgirl next time, all you gotta do is ask…’
‘Joel! I’m pregnant.’
There was silence.
‘Joel?’ asked Ana. ‘Are you there?’
‘You’re what?’
Then… nothing. The line had gone dead.
Has he hung up on me? Or did the line just go dead? What did she do now, ring him back or leave it? She called him back, but it went straight to voicemail.
Bastard. Why had she said anything? As soon as he heard about the baby, he pulled the dead phone trick. Jeez… did he think she was fifteen? She was a fucking adult. He couldn’t treat her like that! She could feel the sobs rising in her chest. Now what was she supposed to do? Of course the weasel ran as soon he found out she was pregnant! She’d known that was a possibility when she’d discussed it with Stella and Dixie. Although it was one thing to have single motherhood as an option, it was quite another to be staring this new future in the eye. She exhaled deeply and took careful steps, walking in circles as she was swamped by waves of panic. She was going to be a single mother, with no partner, and a full-time job – which was fine, she reminded herself, as she was strong and independent, so she could totally cope. Her dad, however, was going to kill her. She was angry at herself. She’d given Joel way too much credit. He was no knight in shining armour. He was the cock-happy country star with neither love nor loyalty.
It was raining harder than before, the rain hiding her tears. She was getting drenched, but she didn’t care. Her whole life was falling apart. When she’d spoken to Stella and Dixie, it had all seemed so matter of fact: dump Rex and become Joel’s girlfriend, have baby, live happily ever after. If that didn’t work out, she’d become an independent woman. The pin-up girl, a single mother who doesn’t need a man and can have it all. It hadn’t seemed complicated, but she, like Dixie, had discovered, dreams are usually just that. Why did none of them learn that happy endings only ever happen in rom-coms?
She couldn’t cope with returning to the office, although she would love nothing more than to share a doughnut and a chat with Jan – she would know what to do. She always knew what to do, but she couldn’t face seeing anyone… Neither of the girls had called. She really was all alone. She had her phone and her wallet so she just hailed a taxi and headed for home. She decided she needed to be on her own, with a cup of tea, on the sofa. She needed to work out where it had all gone so wrong. She wished she’d never gone to Freddie’s birthday. She wished she’d just trusted the spreadsheet. She missed Rex.