"Sax, I need to get back to work."
"Could Ava be mine?"
My stomach fell. I'd been expecting that question from him, but it didn't stop me from feeling sick. I wasn't ready to admit the truth of what I'd done. But I could answer him honestly. "I don’t know who her father is."
"Not what I asked you."
Panic caused me to pull away from him. "I have to work, Sax!" I cried out when he grasped me by the hair and yanked me back. He forced me against the wall, crowding me in with his body and leaning his face in close. I'd never seen him like this before, and I had to admit that I was a little turned on by it.
"I want a DNA test," he gritted between his teeth, rage glittering in his eyes.
My eyes grew round. "Why? You don't even want kids." My mind raced as I tried to figure out how I was going to get out of this. I was ashamed by what I'd done, and if Ava turned out to be his he would instantly realize what I'd done. Tears filled my eyes as I stared up at him. If I thought Sax hated me now, it was nothing compared to what he would feel for me then.
"Maybe not, but if I ever found out I had one I'd do right by them."
I wanted more than anything for Ava to be his.
"Make the appointment and I'll be there to give a fucking sample."
"Sax—"
"Do it." With that, Sax released me and stomped off.
I stood there for a minute to pull myself together, and then hit the restroom to splash some water on my face and run my fingers through my hair. For the first time, I began to regret coming back. I was caught in a situation of my own making, and it was escalating faster than I could keep up with. The feeling that I'd turned a mole hill into a mountain wasn't lost on me. If I'd just been honest from the beginning, all of this could have been avoided, but the rape had messed with my thought processing and my ability to make common sense decisions back then.
My biggest regret was that I’d broken it off with Sax for the wrong reason.
I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and hit Jolene's number. During the months that I'd worked at the Desert Rebels construction office and she'd run Illuminations next door, we'd become fast friends. Of all the old ladies, we were the closest. She picked up on the first ring.
"Hi, honey," she breathed into the phone. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"
I could hear the smile in her voice, and for some reason her light-hearted tone brought tears back to my eyes. "I need you. I need my girl friends…"
There was immediate concern in her tone. "What's wrong? Are you alright?"
I took a deep breath as I struggled to regain my composure. "I just need to talk, but I can't now. I'm at work."
"Say no more, honey. I'll call the girls and we'll make a plan. I'll get back to you."
"Thank you," I said in a teary tone, hating myself for not being strong enough to keep it together.
I knew that I could count on my friends. They might not have been able to solve the problem caused by my own stupidity, but their support and unconditional love would buffer the fallout that was sure to come.
Chapter 10
Sax
"Why the fuck did no one tell me Holly was working at Grinders?"
"Didn't call church to discuss Holly," Demon said. "She's not your old lady anymore, Brother."
I didn't appreciate the brush off. I ground my back teeth until a sharp pain shot up the side of my head. Demon was right, but I still felt that withholding the information from me was a betrayal of sorts. "Thank fuck she isn't dancing and taking off her clothes, because if she were there would be heads rolling right now."
I heard some snickers, but as soon as I whipped my head around they stopped. Too many smirks to count were spread across my brothers’ faces. I wanted to smash my fist into them, including Demon’s. I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair, prepared to hit the first brother who said the wrong fucking thing.
"Your meeting with Savage didn't exactly pan out."
I glanced over at Demon. I'd had a feeling that Savage wasn't going to take the job after our discussion at Grinders the other night. He was busy now, but asked us to give him a couple of days to see if he could work shit out. "He called then?"
Demon nodded. "This morning."
"Why'd he turn us down?" Oz asked.
"Got a commitment elsewhere." Demon leaned forward, elbows bent on the table as he steepled his fingers. "But he gave us a name of someone who might be available."
"Why doesn't one of us go in?"
"Don't want to take a chance the brother we send in will be recognized," Cole was quick to point out to Chewy.
Demon continued as if he hadn't been interrupted. "Ever hear of a nomad called Judge?"
More than one head nodded and "yeah" filtered through the room.
"Hell, yes." Colton spoke up.
"Jesus, don't tell us he used to run with your crew," Reid burst out.
Colton, along with a few others, had been patched over from Devil's Soldiers a few years ago. Their MC no longer existed.
Colton snorted. "Fuck, no. He's always been a nomad. Mean as hell motherfucker. Loyal to no one, unless you're payin' him for a job, and he'll expect half up front. Last I heard the fucker has two kids he's puttin' through college."
"We didn't ask for his resume, asshole."
He responded to Loco's sarcasm by giving him the finger.
"If he's not loyal then he can't be trusted." I snarled. Murmurs of agreement sounded throughout the room. I knew who Judge was, too, and if a man couldn't be loyal to anyone, he could flip sides on a dime. "I wouldn't want him at my back."
"Loyal, not stupid," Colton explained. "If you're payin' him he'll finish the job. He's not cheap, either."
"I've heard that about him," Oz quipped.
"That he'll finish the job, or that he's not cheap?" Dancer grinned.
"Both."
"The way you praise Judge, it almost sounds as if you have a personal gain in this."
The room grew quiet as everyone considered Cole’s words and their implication and waited for Colton's reaction. He scratched his ear and shook his head. "Never met the man. Just know about him, and from what I’ve heard about his background, he'd probably get picked up by the Knights faster than Savage would have."
"That's fucking good enough for me," Demon announced, drawing everyone's attention his way. "I've already run it by Trip, and he's on board. Any ayes for hiring Judge to infiltrate the Knights?"
I scanned the room as arms shot up in the air. It looked as if everyone was on board.
"Any nays?"
Not one.
Demon swung his eyes to me. "You know what to do."
I gave him a chin lift before looking over at Oz. "Let's meet after church." Oz was our computer guru. It had taken him less than an hour to locate Savage. I expected it would take longer for him to find Judge, though. Nomads were good at not being found if they didn’t want to be.