I knock on Dad’s office door.
“Come in.” His reply is curt.
I push the door and step inside, inhaling a deep breath. Dad and Agnus are sitting across from each other in the lounge area. Both their jackets are discarded and they have the cuffs of their shirts rolled up. Dad doesn’t have his tie on, but Agnus still does, and he generally looks in a less dishevelled state. They each have their tablets in hand, which means they’re exchanging data.
“Am I interrupting?” I ask.
Dad’s face eases with a smile. “You can never interrupt me. Come here, Teal.”
I sit by his side, in the spot Dad pats.
Agnus starts to stand up. “I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.”
“You don’t have to leave,” I tell him. “I want to talk to you both.”
Agnus settles back down. Now, as I look at him, I realise whatever I felt for him in the past was fleeting. He’s been there for me and Knox our entire lives, and that gratitude has lived with me for as long as I can remember, but that’s it.
That’s all.
The only consuming feelings I’ve ever had are for this boy who can make me laugh when I didn’t even know that I could.
Dad slides the tablet on the table. “Is something wrong?”
“No…well, maybe.”
“Does it have to do with the fact that you skipped school for two days?” Dad asks.
Why did I think he was too busy to notice that? This is Dad. At some point, he felt my pain before I could notice it myself.
“Dad, promise you won’t hate me?”
“That’s off the table — not even if you killed someone.”
Agnus raises a brow. “We can always cover your tracks.”
Dad gives him a look.
“What?” Agnus lifts a shoulder. “I can help her get away with murder.”
“Don’t put ideas into her head…” Dad focuses on me. “This doesn’t have anything to do with murder, right?”
“No.” Yet.
“So what is it about?” Dad asks.
“I know I told you I want to be engaged to Ronan, but can I change my mind?”
“Of course.” Dad doesn’t even miss a beat. “As I said, I would never make you do something you don’t want to.”
I release a long breath, feeling some of the weight vanishing off my chest, only to have it replaced by a different type of weight.
“Why?” Agnus’ quiet voice drifts into the air.
“Why?” I repeat.
“You were so hell-bent on being engaged to that kid, but now you’ve changed your mind. It’s not that I didn’t think you had an ulterior motive, but I doubt it’s only because of the partnership between us and Edric’s company.”
“Agnus.” Dad shakes his head, but it’s more out of resignation than anything else.
“She asked for this, and now she’s ending it.” Agnus’ attention doesn’t waver from me. “This isn’t a children’s game, Teal.”
“I know that.” More than anyone.
“I’ll support you through whatever decision you make.” Dad takes my hand in his, and the warmth touches me deep inside. “But I thought you were getting along with Ronan? Elsa and Knox talk about it all the time, even when you try to quiet them.”
I bite my lower lip. “Dad…have you ever felt like you need to let someone go for their sake?”
Silence fills the office for a second and I almost think he won’t answer, but then he says, “I have. It was Elsa’s mother. I should’ve sent her to a psych ward, for her sake.”
“But he didn’t,” Agnus says in a detached, stone-cold tone. “He didn’t follow his head, and that mistake not only cost him nine years of his life, but also of his children’s lives.”
“Lovely reminder, Agnus.” Dad’s voice is hard with disapproval.
“It wouldn’t have happened if you’d listened to me,” Agnus continues in the same tone, scrolling through his tablet.
“And you won’t let me live it down for a lifetime, will you?” Dad asks.
“Probably not.” Agnus lifts his head and his emotionless eyes trap me in their merciless hold. “If there’s anything you need to learn from him, it’s that you should never follow your heart, Teal. That thing is untrustworthy and will land you in trouble and bring regrets.”
“Don’t listen to him. He’s old and pragmatic, and did I mention he’s been single for life?” Dad brings my attention back to his kind eyes. “I admit I made a mistake with Abigail, but it’s because of her that I have Elsa, you, and Knox. I would never regret that fact.”
I smile at that.
For a long time, I believed Dad only took us in because of guilt, but that was never the case. He could’ve sent us into the system — or even thrown us back out on the streets.
He didn’t.
“Think about it,” Dad continues. “And if you believe your decision is final, I’ll be happy to oblige.”
I nod, even though my decision is already cemented and is screaming loud and clear in my head. “Can I ask something else?”
“Of course.”
“I know Knox and I told you we’d never ask about Mum or where she is, but I think I’m ready. I want to know.”
Dad and Agnus exchange a look before the latter goes back to staring at his tablet.
“What?” I ask.
“Your mother is no more, Teal,” Dad says in a sympathetic tone. “She died that same year you ran away. I was searching for her to have her give up her parental rights when I learnt she died of an overdose.”
Oh.
I remain still, unsure what to feel. No, I know what I feel.
Nothing.
I just learnt my mother and only biological parent — the only one I know of — is dead, and all I keep thinking about is how she doesn’t have to pay.
She left without paying.
She died as if she didn’t do anything wrong.
My nails dig into my lap until I register the sting on my flesh.
Now, her accomplice will pay for both of them.
Dad pats my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
I nod. “I don’t know why, but I think I kind of suspected it.”
“One less piece of scum in the world,” Agnus says without lifting his head from his tablet.
“That’s insensitive,” Dad tells him.
“The woman abused her own children — that’s what’s insensitive,” Agnus says in his usual cool tone.
“Agnus,” Dad warns.
“He’s right,” I say, not wanting them to fight because of this. It’s not like I wanted to find her for a noble cause, or like I wanted the engagement with Ronan for the reasons I made everyone believe.
I’m the worst scum.
I guess that’s what happens when you’re born the daughter of a whore.
After wishing them a great rest of the night, I leave Agnus and Dad’s office. I come to a screeching halt at the door. Knox stands there, feet crossed at the ankles as he leans against the wall. It’s then I realise I didn’t close the door earlier and my brother probably heard the whole thing.