“Because Cash and I had a thing, a very brief thing, and I’d prefer it if he didn’t start pawing all over you in front of me. But if you want his number, I’m sure he’d love to take you out.”
I hold my breath and wait for Lyric to jump at the chance. All he does is look confused.
“You’re … and … I mean, the rumors are true?”
“You might have to be more specific than that. There are rumors that I died, so I hope you’re smart enough to know that isn’t true.”
Yes, a joke. Something to cut the fucking tension growing between us because never has a ten-foot gap felt so small.
“That you’re … and Kaylee was—”
I screw up my face. “Okay, I know which rumors you’re talking about, and no, Kaylee is not a fucking publicity stunt, she is biologically my daughter, and I’ve never lied about how she came into this world. But, yes. The other rumors surrounding my sexuality have some merit.” I’m rambling, but I can’t seem to stop. “I don’t like talking about my orientation because I don’t even know if there’s a label for what I am. I’m mostly gay, but saying that makes me feel dirty and disrespectful to the bi community. Calling myself bisexual when I actually don’t want to be with women makes it sound like I hate women. I fit under the bi umbrella, maybe pan, but I’ve never found the right definition because it often changes. One day I’ll be convinced I’m one hundred percent gay, other days I find myself checking out anyone and everyone. And now I realize I’ve spewed a whole lot of information you didn’t ask for, but that’s me. In a nutshell. You can see why I don’t go around telling everyone I just met.”
“Does Kaylee know?”
I blink. That’s the first thing he asks?
“Umm. She knows I believe anyone can love anyone, regardless of gender, but it’s not like I’ve come out to my four-year-old or anything.”
Lyric nods. “So, you’re a label-less queer guy who likes who he likes and those likes change depending on your mood. End of story.”
“Pretty much. Though, even the queer label makes me uneasy with the negative connotations it used to come with, but I guess it’s the one I’m most comfortable with. So many people put emphasis on labels which is why there are so many, but none of them make me go ‘Yes, that’s me!’”
“Cool. You said something about dinner?”
I let out a relieved breath. If the whole world reacted the same way Lyric did, there’d be no need for people to fear coming out.
Chapter Eight
Lyric
I think I handled that wrong.
I figured the best thing to do wouldn’t be to make a big deal out of it.
But it is a big deal. Ryder Kennedy was sexy as fuck before I knew he was queer. Now that I know, he’s heartbreak-worthy. Because let’s face it, he’s way out of my league.
He’s a celebrity. I’ve never really bought into that thing where celebrities are above everyone, but it’s definitely a different lifestyle. One look at this house tells me that.
He said he had a thing with Cash-fucking-Kingsley like it’s nothing notable.
I don’t actually know why I decided to play it cool.
I am so not cool.
Not with this.
I want to know more.
I want to know everything.
Now it’s been days, and I don’t know how to bring it up again.
Since it all came out, he’s been more relaxed around me. I mean, not that he was ever super uptight, but I don’t know. Something has changed.
Or maybe it’s my perspective on the whole situation. The very few times I joked about being gay or mentioned Kaylee’s GI Joes kissing, he shut down a little. I thought it was because he wasn’t entirely comfortable with me being that vocal about my sexuality. But it turns out that wasn’t his problem at all. It was his reservations about me finding out.
Which I also get.
I can understand why he doesn’t date and why he’s kept it from the public.
But damn, that’s gotta suck. Especially with a daughter who’s probably too young to understand.
It has to be lonely.
Don’t start fantasizing about making him un-lonely.
I just wish I’d asked more.
“Oh, hey, by the way, please tell me everything about your sex life because I’m unhealthily obsessed with it since I found out you bat for my team.”
That would go down so well.
I also can’t stop thinking about Ryder and Cash together. It’s both hot and a little guilt-inducing because it’s objectifying my boss, and I really shouldn’t do that. That would be bad.
So bad.
Like he might have to spank me bad.
And there I go again.
Fuck.
Okay, professional mode.
I can do this.
Ryder comes from the direction of his office and over to where I’m tidying the kitchen after making Kaylee lunch.
Damn, he’s hot. All spikey brown hair and bright blue eyes.
Shit. I can’t do it.
It’s like my brain had put Ryder in the hot but unattainable part of my mind which allowed me to appreciate him but not go beyond that. Now, he’s probably still unattainable but not for the same reasons. Which means my brain has gone into creeper, check him out every chance I get mode.
Oh God, I have a crush on a dude who was in a boy band.
Kill me now.
Oops, there I go judging again too.
I’m a mess.
He approaches me with a weird smile on his face that I can’t help but return, but when he slips a piece of paper in front of me with Cash’s name and number on it, my face falls.
“What’s this?” I know what it is, but I don’t understand why.
“I was wrong to tell Cash you were straight, so I called him and told him I lied, and he told me to give you this. If you want to go out with him, which it’s clear you do, then you should call him.”
“I—”
“Although, I should warn you, he’s not the relationship type, so if that’s what you’re after, he’s not the guy for you.”
I stare at the number. “How is it clear I’d want to go out with him?”
“Oh, I don’t know, the way you looked at him? Sorry, gawked is probably a better word.”
“I gawked at you like that the day we met. It’s how us normal folk stare at celebrities.” Totally wasn’t checking you out the exact same way. Nope. It’s the celebrity thing. Yup. Celebrity thing.
Totally.
For sure.
Ryder’s eyes narrow. “Are you seriously telling me if Cash Kingsley asked you out, you’d say no?”
Ask me that a few weeks ago, I would’ve said “In what world would I ever get the chance to meet Cash Kingsley?” Now, I can’t even believe it’s an option to go on a date with him.
“I don’t know how to feel about dating my boss’s ex. That’s weird. Especially when said boss is the one setting us up.”
“Cash isn’t an ex. Just a friend who I happened to have one weak moment with. And I’d like to think I’m more than your boss. I mean, right? We’re best friends, aren’t we?”