“You care about my girl, yeah?”
“You kinda threw her in my lap, Sly,” I tease him. He nods his head, dragging his hand through his hair.
“Yeah, I did. Didn’t think you’d fall for her, though. You’re good for her, Gauge.”
“I don’t about all that but I plan on doin’ what I can for her. Let’s just get this shit over, yeah?”
“Thing is, I don’t think I can handle her momma. I don’t know that I can look into her eyes and kill the bitch even after what she did to Dez,” he admits, taking me by surprise.
“So let Remy handle it. He’s the enforcer.”
“No. I need you there, brother. You care about my girl and I need to know that this shit is over,” he adds.
Fuck. He wants me to kill his ex? Dez’s mom? We didn’t talk about it but I don’t know how Dez would feel knowing I’m the one who did it.
“I wanna be there with Dez.”
“It’s an order, Gauge.”
“Goddamn it, Sly! You just can’t stop fuckin’ me, can you?”
“It ain’t like that. I trust you that’s why I need you to do it. They might be my brothers, but fuck, Gauge. You know me,” he says.
I nod my head and blow a ring of smoke between my lips before turning my head and looking at Dez. She needs this closure. I won’t let her go to prison but this is fucked. I wanted to be there for her when she comes out. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and remind her that I’m here for her. When I see her smile up at Shaft, I know what I need to do.
“Fine. I’ll do it. Just make sure she’s covered, yeah? It’s only been a few weeks,” I remind him. His hand lands on my shoulder when I pull my gaze back to his.
“I’ll keep her safe. I might have fucked up in the past, but that’s changin’ tonight. I want my daughter back, I want my family. All of you.”
I nod my head before he walks away. As soon as he’s gone, Dez is wrapping her arms around my waist. I toss my arm over her shoulder and hold her tightly.
“I’m not gonna be able to be there tonight,” I tell her even though it the last thing I want. Dez takes a deep breath and blows it out before looking up at me.
“I think this is something I need to do without you anyway. I have to prove to myself that I’m strong enough to handle being sober. You know?”
I blow out another ring of smoke as I nod. “I know. It’s just new to you and that temptation is gonna be there starin’ you in the face.”
“Are you doubting me?”
“Never, baby. Just worried is all. As soon as this is all over will you go somewhere with me?”
Her eyes sparkle as a smile curls her lips. “I’d go anywhere with you, Gauge.”
I nod once more and kiss the top of her head when Sly calls out that it’s time to go.
Thirty
Dezzy
My nerves are on high alert. I’ve never been to see Mario without being high out of my mind. It’s strange and yet calming. One of his guys leads me down the hallway. I know my dad has this wire on me, but it doesn’t calm my nerves at all. In fact, it makes me even more nervous. Each room we pass is another reminder of what I once was not so long ago. An addict. A junkie. I’ll always be an addict, but I think I’ve found my purpose to live in Gauge. He gives me hope; that’s something I’ve never had before.
“Come on,” the man says when I stop to stare into the vacant eyes of another girl lying on a dirty mattress in one of the rooms. I quickly snap my gaze back to him and follow down the hallway. My dad and the guys aren’t far but far enough that Mario wouldn’t know they were tracking me. The guy stops and ushers me into a room where I spot Mario at a table.
“Haven’t seen you in a long time,” he says when he looks up at me.
“Been with my dad mostly. Family reunion and shit,” I tell him trying to play into his hand.
“Yeah, I know all about those. I hear you want a large supply. Since when?”
Stay calm, Dez, I keep repeating that in my head.
“Since I’m back in with my dad. He’s got a lot of people looking for stuff,” I lie. Although if they were looking, Mario would be the one with purest products.
“That right? Going big time on me?” His eyes burn into mine. Something’s off and I can feel it.
“Not even close. Just helping my dad out with a party he’s having soon.” Sweat beads on my temples, some rolling down my spine. Mario watches me intently until he pushes a chair out next to him.
“Sit down and let’s talk,” he says. I nod and sit in the chair.
“How much we talking here?”
“What do you have on you?”
He laughs, throwing his head back before he moves. It’s so fast that I didn’t see him coming. His fist slams into my jaw, knocking my head to the side.
“Do you think I’m stupid? You disappear, your mom disappears! You have me fucked up, Dezzy!”
My face screams in pain as I pull my head back to look at him. “My mom threw me in jail for her shit! Your shit. And you have the balls to be pissed at me?” I sneer.
“Word on the street is you tried to kill yourself. Got off this stuff,” he says nodding to the powder on the table. Damn him!
“Word on the street is wrong,” I inform him as I try my best to stay calm. I eye the powder and my mouth waters. One little taste is all it would take. Just one.
“Is it? Then let’s do this. You want my product? Test it,” he says motioning to the powder on the table.
My insides tumble and fall. I watch Mario as he lights up the spoon and melts the powder into a pretty liquid before sucking it into the syringe. My breathing has kicked up as I watch him. Such a familiar sight. I’ve done it for years. Just one more wouldn’t hurt me, would it? I could stop again. I could do it just this once to prove that I’m straight to Mario and then stop again. He holds the needle out to me. I reach across the table and take it, looking it over as my chest rises and falls.
“What’s wrong, Dez?” he taunts me.
Looking at the needle, flashes of Gauge taunt me too. The words he said to me. He loves me. I can use him. I can count on him.
“Come on Dez!” Mario roars as my vision blurs.
I can do this. I can, I know I can. In the matter of seconds, noises sound around us. Gunshots ring through the room as Mario falls to the floor. I hear the guys clearing the other rooms before I feel hands on my shoulders. I don’t move; I sit there stunned staring at the needle like it’s a mirage and fighting myself.
“Dez, darlin’. You don’t need to do this. It’s all over,” Shaft’s voice rings in my head.
Even though I hear him, I’m trapped inside myself. My mouth still waters, my skin itching. All it would take is one quick stab and a plunge. Everything else would fade away.
“Dezzy, come on, baby,” my dad’s voice sounds through the room. Someone pulls me from the chair as I’m lost in the sight. My dad’s hand wraps around the one holding the needle as tears stream down my cheeks.
“It’s so hard, Dad. I thought I was stronger,” I sob. He pulls the needle from my fingers before tossing it and spinning me in his arms.