“You got any other ideas?”
“You’re serious? You want me to go in?”
“Fuck that! You aren’t doin’ it, Dezzy! You promised me, goddamn it!” Gauge roars.
“Is this the only way?” I ask. My dad nods his head and the others grunt and curse under their breaths.
“Prison time is on the table accordin’ to the lawyer.”
Fuck. I lower my head and massage my temples. I was just finally starting to feel clear headed, and without the drugs, Gauge and I could finally move on but now this? I can’t do prison time. It’s total bullshit. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t know my mom had all those drugs in the house.
“What about the evidence?” I ask looking back at my dad. He smirks and nods toward Old Barnie. I turn to look at him as he smiles back at me.
“That’s on my end. There won’t be shit when you go to court, darlin’. I’ll take care of that.”
A shock runs through my body at the enormity of the situation. My God, we are talking about the rest of my life here. Go to prison for my mom or get in with the dealer. Neither option seems like a good choice. I’ve struggled, God have I struggled these last few weeks. Even though I’ve been clean, the drugs still call to me. I want them and at times I think I need them. I’m not strong enough to be around them and walk away right now.
“And you’re sure this will work?” I ask my dad.
“It’ll work. No other parties show up to court, the evidence disappears. You’ll be good to go after that,” he says.
“Good to go? She’ll be good to go? Back to fuckin’ rehab? Back to the same old shit?” Gauge roars stepping between me and my dad. I rest my hand on his shoulder and tug until he turns to look at me. His eyes are wild and it kills me to see that look on his face.
“I’m strong, Gauge. You make me strong.”
“Doesn’t matter, Dez! This fuckin’ disease is strong! You’ve been usin’ since for years. You can’t just wake up and walk away from that,” he says trying to make me understand.
“I’m not going to prison!”
“You think that’s what I want?”
“I’m doing it. I’m going in after him.”
His hands come up to grip my face roughly. “You promised me,” he says gritting his teeth.
“And I’ll do the best I can, Gauge. If I can get in without him forcing it, I will.” His hands fall from my face as he shakes his head. His hands rest on his hips as he looks at me.
“You think it’s that easy? All that shit floatin’ around in there? You can just walk right past it?”
I open my mouth to say more when he moves. He walks to the back of the room and opens the drawer before coming back to the table. He slams the black bag down in front of me, unzipping it and dumping the contents onto the table for everyone to see.
“What the hell is this?” my dad asks. I swallow hard as the drugs scream my name. Licking my lips, I reach for the needle and run my fingers over it slowly.
“Don’t do it,” Shaft says. Remy says something under his breath but I don’t listen, I can’t. It’s there. The same liquid that could numb my fucking soul and leave me on the high of my life lies in front of me. I lift it in my hand and study it.
“What the fuck are you doin’ here, Gauge?” my dad growls louder this time.
My breathing has become labored. I’m losing it. Why is he doing this to me? Why does he want to push me? His body presses into my back once more, his lips coming near my ear. His warm breath touches my skin and I shiver.
“How strong are you, Dezzy?” he whispers. He’s asking me to use him not the drugs. He’s asking me to come to him just like I promised him I would. I look at the needle once more when he asks me again, “Can you walk away? Can you leave it and come back to me?”
Slamming the needle onto the table in front of me, I spin quickly and bury my face in his chest. Gauge’s hands wrap around me, keeping me safe from myself.
“I’ll come back to you, Gauge. I’ll always come back to you.”
Twenty-Nine
Gauge
I hate this idea. I fucking hate it with a passion. I’m taking it out on Dez’s thighs and not meaning to. I slam into her, needing to release all the fucking frustration building up inside of me. Each thrust of my hips, I become slightly less aggravated.
“Gauge!” Dez cries out as I plunge in deeper. Rolling my hips, her pussy clenches around me as I tightly close my eyes. Her mom’s already been picked up and is waiting in the warehouse. Thoughts of her blood on my hands run wild in my head. Dez drags her nails down my back until I can’t stand it anymore. I explode, coming roughly inside of her. I lower my head and press my lips to her neck. Sucking the sweat slicked skin into my mouth, she moans louder, her pussy clenching again.
“You feel so damn good,” I mumble into her neck.
“I’ve never felt this high in my life,” she replies. I chuckle and pull out of her, rolling to my side.
“I don’t fuckin’ like this idea, Dez. What if he forces you?” I ask the question that has been nagging at the back of my mind.
“I’m going to try my best. I think if I tell him I’m looking to make a buy he won’t pressure me. He likes clear heads when he does that.”
“So, you need cash? I got that. I’m just fucked out of my mind here.”
“I get it and I’m sorry. I just want this all over,” she says.
I sigh and pull Dez into my arms. We need to go and I know we do I just need this moment with her. I need to feel her body pressed against mine.
“I love you, Dezzy. I don’t wanna lose you.”
“I’ll come back, Gauge. I’ve never had anything in my life to look forward too but I do now. I have you,” she whispers softly.
I pull her into me and press a kiss to her lips before pulling back and climbing out of bed. We both shower and dress quickly knowing we can’t be late for this shit. As soon as we step into the main room, the guys look our way. They’re all strapped up and ready to move at a second’s notice but it’s the look on Sly’s face that’s bothering me. I pull Dez into my side, pressing another kiss to the side of her.
“Go talk to Shaft. I need to talk to your dad,” I tell her. She looks up at me and nods before walking away. I head toward Sly, and when I’m closer his head comes up, his eyes meeting mine.
“You look off,” I say grabbing a cigarette and bringing it to my lips.
“I am. I’m sendin’ my kid into harm’s way. I’m fuckin’ up all over again, Gauge. Isn’t it enough that I fuckin’ ruined her past? Now I’m messin’ with her future.” The anger in his eyes tells me he’s regretting his decision to send her in there. I can’t say that I blame him.
“Look, Prez. I get it, brother. I don’t want her goin’ in there any more than you, but I think you’re right. We won’t get him if she don’t, and I trust Dez. She might have fucked up in the past and this shit is all still new to her. Regardless, I think she can do this. She’s stronger than we give her credit for,” I tell him lighting up my cigarette.