I should be happy at the thought of fatherhood. And a piece of me is happy. I’ve wanted to be a father since the day I married her. But not this way. Not by unknowingly having sex with my sister-in-law. I’m at war with myself. She could still have an abortion at six weeks, but is that something she would want to do? Is it something I would want her to do? It’s a question I can’t answer. On one hand, I think this situation is too complicated and fucked-up to bring an innocent life into. On the other hand, the baby is just that, an innocent life. It didn’t ask to be conceived. I’m not thinking clearly right now, and I don’t want to make decisions based on impulse. I know I’ll regret it if I do. There’s a soft knock at the door. I glance at the clock. It’s 6:00 a.m. The door opens slowly, and Morgan pokes her head in. “I was going to make some coffee.”
I sit up. “I don’t think it’s safe for you to drink coffee with the baby?”
She nods. “Then I’ll make some for you.”
“Thanks. But I’ll make it myself.”
I grab my cell phone from the nightstand and scroll through emails. I can’t look at her right now.
“I have my first doctor’s appointment this morning. I’d like for you to be there, but I understand if you don’t want to come.”
I stop scrolling. “What time?”
“10:00 a.m.”
I turn to face her. “I’ll go.”
We’re dressed and ready to go when the doorbell rings. I open the door, and my mouth drops open. “Simone.”
“Hi, Jasen. Is now a good time?”
It’s not a good time at all. Not only do Morgan and I have an appointment to get to, but I’m not in the mood to offer my sympathy to a grieving widow whose husband was fucking my wife. But I step aside and let her in. “Sure, come in.”
I lead her to the living room and offer her a seat. “I’m sorry to just drop by like this, but as you can imagine, this has been hard to deal with.”
I nod. “I’ve been meaning to come by, Simone, but with the funeral and dealing with the detective on the case—”
“I know,” she interrupts.
“Did you get the check I mailed you? It’s Cooper’s share of the business. Every cent of it.”
“Yes. Thank you.”
I take a seat beside her on the couch. “I know it’s a lot. And I’m sorry I didn’t come by to see you. How are you holding up?”
Her expression changes as soon as I ask. The tears swell, and she looks like she’s about to cry. She shakes her head instead. “I don’t know. It hurts to know that Cooper could have done such a horrible thing.”
“I know.”
She turns to face me. “I just can’t believe it.”
“Me either.”
“I keep waiting by the phone, thinking he’ll call and explain all of this.”
“Do you have any idea where he could be?”
“No. And it doesn’t look like the police know either. I hope they find him. I need answers, Jasen. I need to know why.”
“I’m sorry, Simone.”
It’s the second time I’ve said it, but it’s all I can offer her right now. An apology. An apology for my wife’s role in the situation.
“I’m ready. Sorry, I had to—” Morgan stops in her tracks. Simone and I both shoot to our feet.
“Honey, you remember Simone.”
“Yes, of course.” She walks forward and pulls Simone in tightly for a hug. “I’m so sorry.”
Simone’s eyes go wide as she slowly raises her arms to hug Morgan back. They stay that way for a second before they pull away. “If you need anything, please let us know.”
Simone nods. “I’m sorry about your sister.
Morgan smiles. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
“The detective said you spoke to her that day. Did she say anything? Anything at all?”
“No. She didn’t.”
Simone accepts her answer. “Well, I guess I better get going. I just wanted to come by and formally offer my condolences for… what was your sister’s name again?”
“Morgan.”
“I wanted to offer my condolences for Morgan and to see how the two of you are holding up.”
“Thank you for dropping by.”
We walk Simone to the door. “You have my number. Promise you’ll call if you need anything?”
“Yeah, I promise.”
She’s almost out the door when she stops. “Will you let me know if you hear from Cooper?”
“Of course.”
She nods before she walks down the steps and towards her car. Morgan and I watch from the doorway. “That poor woman. I can only imagine how hard this is for her.”
I crane my neck to watch Simone start her car. “Yeah, she’s hurting, that’s for sure.” We stand in silence as we watch Simone drive away. When she’s out of sight, I turn to face her. “Ready?”
“Yeah, let’s go.”
Chapter 15
Jasen
I allowed the music to play through the speakers the entire ride to the doctor’s office. And not the same doctor Monroe saw. Turns out Morgan found a new doctor. The doctor just finished an internal exam where she was lying with her knees up and her feet in stirrups. Now, she’s lying flat on her back on the exam table. The doctor squirts some type of jelly on her stomach and places a device on it. “There it is,” she says as she points to the screen with her finger. I squint hard but still have no idea how she can identify that tiny object as a baby. Morgan’s face lights up as she watches the screen. “You’re about six weeks along. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?”
She turns her head to face me. Her eyes ask, Is this what I want? I nod in agreement. She turns to face the doctor again. “Yes.”
The doctor presses a few buttons. There are some strange noises, but then… we hear it. Thump, thump, thump. I stand to my feet and move closer to the screen as I hear the baby’s heartbeat. My baby’s heartbeat. I can’t explain what I’m feeling right now. It’s something I’ve never felt before. My heart swells with this new and indescribable feeling. The corners of my mouth curve upward as I watch and listen to the life I helped create. “The heartbeat is strong. But there is something I’m a little concerned about.”
My mouth curves downward quickly. “Is something wrong?’ I ask.
She presses a few buttons, and the sound stops. She takes some napkins and wipes away the gel on Morgan’s belly. When she’s done, she places her hands on her hips. “Your cervix should be one hundred percent closed at this point. But it’s not. Seems you’re slightly dilated, and I’m going to have to put you on bed rest.”
“Am I at risk of losing the baby?” Panic crosses Morgan’s face. I go to her side and grab her hand. I don’t know what makes me do it, but I do. I can only imagine how scary this must be for her.
“We’re not panicking yet. But we need to be cautious. I need you off your feet as much as possible. Eat healthy. And no stress.”