“Okay, boys.” Josie waves them over from the table. “Let Callie sit and eat. You two need to finish your plates, as well.”
I take a seat next to Lucas’s highchair and ruffle his hair. “Good morning, handsome boy.”
He holds out a mushed piece of waffle, and I pretend to go after it, but he quickly shoves it into his mouth. Serenity giggles, and I shoot her a wink.
“Here. Eat up.”
My eyes widen when I see the full plate Josie’s pushing my way. “Are you expecting company?”
“Just shut up and eat. Breakfast makes everything better.”
I shake my head. “You didn’t have to do all this for me.”
“You know I cook when I’m anxious.”
“Mom’s worried about you,” Brandon says.
Miles hits his arm. “You’re not supposed to talk about it, Mom said!”
Josie buries her face in her hands. “Smooth, boys. Real smooth.”
I smile. “It’s okay. This is your house. We can talk about whatever you want here.”
Brandon’s big brown eyes meet mine from across the table. “Did Paul really hurt you, Callie?”
I nod. “He did.”
“I’m glad Uncle Cole beat his face in.”
“Brandon!” Josie points her index finger at him. “That is not something you can say, and what have I told you about eavesdropping?”
His head drops. “Sorry.”
I slide my hand over the table and wrap my fingers around Brandon’s forearm. “Look at me, B.”
He lifts his tear-filled gaze.
“I understand why you feel that way. Your mom just doesn’t want you to think that hitting someone is a solution to your problems. What Uncle Cole did was wrong, just the same as what Paul did was wrong. Okay?”
A tear slides down his face as he nods. “I’m just so mad at Paul.”
“We all are,” Miles chimes in.
“I think Paul needs help. Sometimes, people have problems that can’t be solved on their own. It’s hard to understand why they do the things they do, and they don’t mean to be the way they are.”
“So, hopefully, Paul gets the help he needs.” Josie claps her hands. “End of story. Now clear your plates and go be kids.”
Brandon hugs me once more before running off with Miles.
Josie heaves a sigh. “They hear everything. There are no secrets in this house, I swear.”
“It’s okay. They have questions, and I’d rather them have correct information than to wonder and come to their own conclusions.”
“You’re right, though. Paul does need help. Do you think he’ll talk to a therapist?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure. We have a lot to talk about, but I’m just not ready to face him yet. I haven’t even turned my phone on.”
“A little break is perfectly fine. You’ll decide when you’re ready. You’re safe here in the meantime.”
I rub small circles on my temples. “I wonder how he’s feeling today. His face was so ... bloody.”
“Dan made sure he was okay before he left last night. He’s going to be bruised for a while.” She brushes an imaginary crumb off her lap as she mutters, “Serves him right.”
I smirk. “Heard that.”
She shrugs.
“I can’t imagine he’ll go to work today with his face looking like that. We might not be able to get into the house.”
She grabs her phone. “I’ll talk to Dan. We’ll figure it out and get you back in there.”
I push my plate away, my stomach too twisted up in knots to eat. “I have therapy today. Do you mind if I use your shower and borrow some clothes?”
Josie’s hand clamps over mine. “You don’t have to ask. Go. Take whatever you need. This house is yours.”
Mine.
What do I have left that’s mine?
“I wish you would’ve told me sooner, but I’m glad you were able to get yourself out of there.”
“I’m sorry, Melissa. I should’ve told you.”
My therapist shakes her head and offers me a soft smile. “I didn’t say that to force an apology out of you, Callie. I just hate that you went through this alone for so long. I could’ve helped you. That’s what I’m here for.”
“I know. I just ...” I shrug. “I don’t know why I didn’t say anything. I think I was scared of what it would mean to say it aloud.”
“It’s okay not to know. You’re not expected to have all the answers. This is still so new. You need time to go through your range of emotions at your own pace.”
“I think I’d feel better if I had a plan. I can’t just sit around and do nothing.”
“That’s the anxiety talking. Sometimes, especially in the beginning, you need to sit around and do nothing. Be one with your thoughts. Listen to what your heart is telling you. Why don’t you start by making a list? Organize your thoughts.”
I nod slowly. “I could write it in my journal.”
“Absolutely. Write everything and anything you’re thinking and feeling. It helps to sort through the noise in your head.”
Melissa stands and pulls a flyer out of a drawer in her desk. “You should also consider going to one of these support group meetings. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but it helps to listen to other people who understand what you’re going through.”
I take the flyer from her and stare down at it.
Women’s Support Group.
Tears flood my vision for the hundredth time today. “Thank you,” is all I can muster.
“The first step is the hardest, and you’ve done it. This is huge, Callie. Take this time to reflect on who you are and who you want to become. Think about what path you want to take moving forward. It’s up to you. You have the power to change your story.”
“Paul’s always had the power.”
“Because you let him have it.”
I huff out a humorless laugh. “Pathetic, huh?”
“You were in survival mode. Relinquishing the power to him was what kept you safe all these years. But now, you broke that pattern. You left, and you took the power with you.”
“I don’t feel powerful at all.”
“Just because you don’t feel it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It’s a gradual process.”
Gradual.
Slow.
All the things I don’t want right now. I wish I could press a giant fast-forward button on my life and get to the part where I’m past all this.
“The most difficult part of this whole thing,” Melissa continues, “is coming to terms with the fact that you allowed someone to hurt you. You’ll question yourself, if you haven’t begun doing that already, which is natural. But I want you to remember what we talked about when you first started your sessions with me. Your father had narcissistic tendencies, which turned you into a people-pleaser. Being the child of a narcissist, you were blamed for things that you didn’t do, things that you had no control over. This, in turn, created a need to fix within you. Hear me when I say you cannot fix anyone but yourself. You can change, and grow, and become a stronger person who doesn’t feel the need to fix everyone around them. Right now, you need to focus on fixing yourself.”