Hey, you created this monster.
* * *
“I thought Stu was picking you up at ten tomorrow morning?” Mack says, with a sleepy Fiona in her arms, when I show up on her doorstep with my backpack and carry-on suitcase.
I execute a perfect “kiss and cry” smile. “Change of plans. Can I crash on your couch tonight instead? That way we won’t have to disturb Mom tomorrow morning.”
Mack lets me in, but she gives me a skeptical look.
“C’mon, you know how Mom is. She’s going to micromanage us, and then it will be noon by the time Egg and I finally hit the road. It’s easier this way.”
“Hmm, true.” Mack bounces Fiona as we walk into the cluttered living room. “Stu has already gone to bed. I was giving Fi her last bottle of the day.”
Mack chucks a pile of toys and books into a basket next to the couch. She brushes off the seat cushions and puts down a tartan blanket for me.
“Your room is ready.” Mack gestures with a flourish at the couch. “Only the best for our favorite auntie, right, Fi?”
Fiona lets out an impressive burp before spitting up all over Mack’s shoulder.
“Maaaan.” Mack looks at her shoulder. “This is my favorite GNR shirt too. Help yourself to towels and whatever while I get Fi down. You know where everything is.”
I clear my throat to get rid of the lump in it. “Thanks, Mack. You’re the best.”
I don’t even have my pajamas out of my suitcase before Mack is back, without Fiona. She plops down on the couch.
“Okay, I’m not buying it. What’s going on with you tonight, Olivia? And don’t you dare say ‘nothing.’ You can tell me to mind my own damn business if you want, but don’t lie to me.”
I sit on the couch next to her and tuck my legs up. “Do you think Jonah is that one-in-a-million skater?”
“Yes. I have never seen someone as driven as he is. Yes, Mr. Choi pushes him. And believe me, I’m an expert on pushy parents, but Jonah drives himself harder than anyone I’ve ever met.”
“What about me?”
“What about you?”
“Do you think I’m a one-in-a-million skater too? And be honest with me.”
Every second of Mack’s silence causes my already low self-confidence to plummet even further.
“Maybe,” Mack finally says.
I hug my knees tighter to my chest. Mack puts her hand on my upper arm until I look at her.
“Some people are born with talent and fly to the top. Others have to claw their way to the top, rung by rung. You had the first one when you were younger, just like Choi. Then you went to play with the big kids, and they kicked your ass. Things got hard for the first time ever, and you gave up. You could still have it, though, Olivia, but now you’re going to have to do it the hard way. If you’ve got the guts.”
The pressure in my rib cage increases until I’m afraid I’ll implode. I whisper the truth that has been following me around since last season when everything started going south. “But what if after all that, I’m still not good enough?”
“Good enough for what? The US Olympic figure skating team? The Olympics themselves? A gold medal? Two gold medals? A multimillion-dollar endorsement deal? A commentator gig? Don’t you see? The doubt is going to be never-ending. The only thing you can control, Liv, is yourself. Keep showing up. Keep doing the work. Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s still not enough to win. See how far you can go. No regrets.”
I wipe my eyes. “Are you talking to me or yourself?”
Mack punches me in the arm. “Both of us. Also, I know Midori probably forgot, but I haven’t—you have two midterm exams tomorrow. You can’t blow those off, you know.”
“Really? If you were in my shoes, you’d pick a geometry and a Japanese exam over an Olympians on Ice audition?”
Mack makes a noncommittal noise. “Go to bed. I’m getting you up at six thirty so we can go for a training run before you leave for California.”
“Who are you?” I whack Mack with a throw pillow and she whacks me back.
Chapter 32
On a good day, it takes about six hours to go across the desert to Los Angeles. Today is not that day. Between traffic jams, Egg’s nervous stomach, and a flat tire in Cabazon, it feels like the universe is conspiring against us. And just when I think things can’t possibly get worse, Mom calls Egg.
“I’m sorry, Midori. What can I say? Teenagers are a pain in the ass,” Egg yells back at her as we sit underneath the giant T. rex waiting for AAA to arrive. “Look, we’re almost to Los Angeles. Let us focus on our audition. When we get back to Phoenix, you can ground Olivia until she’s forty, okay? I gotta go. I’m running out of battery.”
I can still hear Mom yelling when Egg hangs up on her. The vein in Egg’s temple looks ready to burst.
Egg growls. “You are in so much trouble. We are in so much trouble. Like, beyond normal teenage shenanigans trouble.”
“I don’t care,” I lie.
“Fine, but I do. You know your mom could have me arrested? Remember.” Egg points at himself. “I’m the adult here. My whole career could be over before it even begins because of this.” Egg bangs his fists on the ground a few times before he takes a cleansing breath. “Why didn’t you tell me your parents weren’t on board with this?”
“Because I didn’t want to let you down.”
“Missing the audition would suck. Going to jail would suck a thousand times worse, though.”
“You are not going to jail, Egg. We’re not runaways. We’re partners going to an audition. Any cop would understand that.”
“No, they wouldn’t. This is the real world, Olivia. Not the Skater Bubble you’ve always lived in. Do you know what this looks like? Human trafficking. My God, I have just used Sociology 101 in a real-life setting. Too bad my life is over.”
I grab Egg’s bicep and shake him. “Get a grip, Stuart Trout. We are not going to blow this audition because of a few, okay, a lot of setbacks. I need this job and am not going down without a fight. So, you better man up and do your part.”
Egg groans. “What if it’s not enough?”
“Then let’s see how far we can go.”
“You gotta give me a hundred and ten percent tomorrow. There is no room for error now.”
“Only if you do the same.”
“No regrets?”
“No regrets.”
Chapter 33
I don’t turn my phone on Friday morning either. I need to focus. I need to stay in my Skater Bubble. I can’t let Egg down. I can’t let myself down either. Unfortunately, Egg’s crappy driving is letting me down. I know normal teens go on road trips. It seems so much more fun in the movies. Surely, normal teen road trips don’t involve the amount of swearing ours has. I do my hair and makeup as we make confused loops around LA, and that’s with the GPS on Egg’s phone.
Our ninety minutes of scheduled stretch and prep time is cut down to all of five minutes by the time we finally arrive. We run full-out across the parking lot and down the street. We skid into the Olympians on Ice building one minute after nine.