“Thank you,” I croak out, and Zoe just shrugs.
“It’s been a good few years, but I’m pretty well trained in scraping you off the floor post-Andy.” She looks at me with big brown eyes full of worry. “I’m right outside if you need me.”
Washing up and brushing my teeth makes me feel more humanoid, though my knees are still wobbly.
A little while later, Zoe is waiting in the bedroom, helping me into my favorite fluffy sweats and Offspring t-shirt, braiding my hair, and tucking me in.
“It’s going to be okay, babe,” Zoe promises and kisses my forehead, and I let the fog take over.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sleeping, but I wake up all sweaty with a blistering headache, scrumptious scents wafting in through the closed door, making my stomach growl, and reminding me I haven’t had anything to eat since this morning.
And then went on a hard liquor bender. I grimace, jumping in the shower for a second round of wash and brush and putting on some fresh clothes.
When I walk toward the kitchen, I hear Mac and Zoe and an extra female voice I immediately recognize.
“Leanne.” I groan at the bright light in the kitchen, and she eyes me with worry.
Leanne is one of the few people I trust in New York. She’s a true southern bell, light brown hair, and clever moss-green eyes, who grew up with a solid code of honor. She’s proven to be a good shoulder to lean on when I needed one, and the fact she confides in me just as much makes me trust her.
“You okay?” she asks, and I start nodding, but on second thought, I wiggle my palm from side to side in a so-so gesture.
“Damn, sugar, I’ve never seen you anything other than pure steel. One look at this guy and you’re a puddle of bourbon on the floor.” Leanne narrows her eyes. “Do I need to have him taken care of?”
“Brian would resent you if you took away his chance to defend Phoebe’s honor.” Mac grins that sexy grin of his and winks as he serves up a homemade pizza with asparagus, spinach, and bacon.
“Nobody is taking care of Andy or defending my honor.” I take a slice and bite into it, groaning. “Except for Mac, as long as he keeps this food coming.”
“I’m smarter than your genius brother, Phoebs,” Mac declares with a full mouth. “I have no intention of taking a swing at an ex-SEAL.”
“Good.” I take a second slice.
“Why did you guys break up?” Leanne is picking all the green off her pizza before taking a bite, her satisfied moan matching mine.
“About a year after Andy enlisted, he decided he couldn’t force me to live the military wife kind of life. I tried telling him I was in for the long haul, whatever it takes, but he was adamant not to put me through what his dad put his mom through.” I down the Advil Zoe brought me with half a glass of water. “That was five years ago.”
“You must have really loved him if he still has this kind of impact on you five years later,” Leanne observes in her tactless Leanne fashion. Most of the time, I love that about her, but other times it makes me want to smack her. Like now. Right now, I really want to smack the southern straight out of her.
“Tread carefully, Mississippi,” Mac warns Leanne in an almost mocking fashion, and I shoot him a glare, which makes him cringe and look away before I turn back to Leanne.
“He was my first love,” I state and keep chomping on the pizza, feeling better with each bite, and ignoring Leanne’s expectant glare in return.
“Do tell.” Leanne finally gets fed up with waiting for me to tell her more.
“Nothing more to tell.” I shrug.
“If there was nothing more to tell, Zoe here wouldn’t have had to scrape you off the floor, now would she?”
“Dear God, you’re like a pit bull.” I take a sip of coffee before starting. “We met senior year of high school, at seventeen, and we moved in together when we went off to college in Dartmouth. We had this entire future planned out, then Andy’s dad got killed overseas, and Andy felt it was his duty to uphold the army family tradition by enlisting. Everything was fine until he came back from his first tour,” I relay, pausing to take a deep breath. “The next thing I know, all his life plans have changed. He doesn’t want kids, he doesn’t want to get married, and he doesn’t want to tie himself down to a family that will worry about him when he’s deployed.”
“And that was that?” Leanne wonders.
“Pretty much. He’s a stubborn ass, once he gets an idea in his head, there’s no swaying him.”
“Sounds like someone I know.” Mac raises an eyebrow in my direction.
“It’s what made them so good together,” Zoe muses. “They used to be unstoppable.”
“Used to be being the proper tense,” I point out.
“Now, sugar.” Leanne waggles her finger in my face. “If Torrance were to walk into the office tomorrow, I would punch the living daylights out of that lying cheating SOB and curse the heavens that he wasn’t hit by a damn freight train.”
“I’m allowed to be relieved he made it back, Leanne.”
“You are, but relief doesn’t send a girl on a bender, Phoebe.” I purse my lips at Leanne’s retort, but then decide it warrants an answer.
“I spent five years with a nagging voice in my head wondering if Andy’s okay. He was the first boy I ever kissed, the first one I ever loved.” Tears spring to my eyes as I continue. “I hoped he’d felt all those things as strongly as I had, that he’d be back and care enough to look me up. I was waiting for him to find me so I could finally move forward with my life.”
“Phoebe?” Zoe suddenly chimes in, and I lift my eyes from my plate to look at her. “What’ll happen once you’re done with the case?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I guess we’ll go our separate ways again. The way Andy acted today, I can’t see it going any other way, and I shouldn’t want it to.”
“You shouldn’t, but we both know it isn’t that simple.” Zoe’s nervous fingers tuck her hair behind her ear. “Andy being back, that’s big, Pheobs. Especially after Miles.”
“Miles?” Leanne looks at me in question, and I feel a blush creeping up.
“My ex-fiancé,” I explain, and Leanne gawks at me.
“You were engaged?” she half-yells, and I nod.
“It’s a long story,” I excuse, and she wags her finger at me again.
“Bodie is with the sitter, I got nothing but time, sugar.” She leans back and places her palms in her lap. “So, you better start talking.”
“I think I love you, Miss Leanne,” Mac fawns, and Zoe can’t contain her laughter, which earns them both another glare.
“What?” Zoe shrugs. “It’s rare to meet an outsider who doesn’t buy your ice-queen bullshit.”
“Oh, fuck you!” I flip her off, and everyone erupts into laughter, which I gladly join in on. “I love you guys.”
“We love you too, babe.” Zoe wraps her fingers around my hand, and I squeeze hers back.
“Now, tell me everything.” Leanne takes hold of my other hand, and I take a deep, bracing breath as I revisit the past.