Morgan secures her dangly earrings and then we’re out the door. The music gets shut off and a bunch of us have our soccer bags slung over our shoulders. They’re not filled with cleats and jerseys tonight, though. Instead, it’s how we’re transporting our liquor.
The group of us is loud as we head toward the baseball house. My nerves rattle and something doesn’t feel right inside me tonight, but I can’t place it. I’m sure it’s nothing more than nerves about spending the night with Ben.
We get to the house and considering we brought our own liquor, they don’t make us pay to get in. They even agree to split the funds with us which makes this night a win in my book.
I make my way through the house toward the back where the kitchen is and we set up all the booze we brought. There’s enough vodka, tequila, and rum to inebriate the entire campus and we didn’t take into account the kegs the house has.
I grab the pack of plastic shot glasses out of my bag and open it, pulling out two cups—one for me and one for Morgan. I go straight for the big guns, filling the little shot glasses to the brim with tequila.
I shudder and shake my head at the burn while Morgan lets out a loud “Woo!” and pours another shot.
“To an incredible season and senior year and to making you a lifelong friend.” She raises her cup and I smile at her sweet sentiment.
“Cheers.” We clink and drink.
My best friend takes my hand and pulls me down the hall back toward the living room. I spot Ben by the beer pong table and break away from my friend to go to him. Morgan tosses me a wink and walks toward the center of the room. I see her saunter over to Chris, the first base player for the university’s baseball team. She’s fearless as she grabs his hand, pulling him to the other side of the room to do God knows what with him.
“Hey,” I say to my boyfriend and he pulls me into him. He kisses me on the cheek and offers me the ping pong ball.
“Celebrity shot?” I take it with a smile and take the shot, sinking it into the second to last cup. “That’s my girl.” He plants his mouth on mine and I can taste the beer on his tongue.
I pull away and try to be as sly as possible as I wipe my mouth from the kiss. “You keep playing. I need another drink.” He nods before I walk away.
The shots I had have done nothing for me. I don’t even feel the burn in my veins or the warmth spreading through my blood. I wanted to lower my inhibitions, to not cringe when my boyfriend kisses me, and to celebrate my victory.
So far I’m oh-for-three.
I push past the bodies in the hallway and make my way back to the kitchen. I find Sydney and Lindsay already doing shots, but unfortunately, Sam is with them. I shoot Linds a look, but she’s already too drunk to read the betrayal on my face.
Going around Sam, I grab a red solo cup and fill it to the brim with beer. I take a healthy gulp before turning back to leave. Sam, however, has other plans.
“Where’s your boyfriend?” she asks with a glimmer in her eye.
“Why do you care?” I take another sip.
“I was going to see if he wanted to take a ride. I’m sure he’s bored with you already.” She’s trying to get under my skin and I refuse to let her.
“Jealous because he didn’t sleep with you when he was sleeping around before? You weren’t even good enough for him then.” It pisses me off to remember how he cheated on me, but for the sake of pissing off Sam, it’s almost worth it.
“Who says he didn’t?” She twirls a stand of chestnut hair around her finger as she cocks her head and smirks at me.
I clench my jaw. I stare right into her shit-brown eyes and spot a twinkle that makes me sick. I never noticed it before and suddenly I’m questioning everything again. Would she really do that to me? We were friends once, before all this soccer drama, weren’t we?
“Fuck you, Sam.”
“Don’t bother. I’ll have Ben do it for you.” I down my drink and refill it before leaving the kitchen. Before I go, I rear back and slap the hell out of her face.
“You bitch.”
“Right back at you.”
I storm through the house, bypassing Ben at the beer pong table. He started another game with a new opponent as the reigning champion.
“Bri,” he calls but I ignore him.
I head upstairs to get away from everyone. There’s a bathroom most people don’t know about at the end of the hall. I find it vacant and slip inside to calm down.
I sit on the toilet with the lid closed and sip my drink as I think over everything. Sam was only trying to get under my skin, right? Ben confessed to everything, he promised to be honest with me. I just need to ask him.
I open the door, ready to bolt back downstairs and confront him, but already find him on the other side. I should’ve known he’d come after me here; after all, he’s the one who showed me this secret bathroom in the first place.
“Hey, are you okay?” His face crinkles with concern and I desperately want to believe his act.
“Not really. Can we talk?” He nods and offers me his hand. He takes me to one of the bedrooms and thank God it’s empty.
He pulls me to the bed and we sit down side by side. He opens his mouth to question me, but I beat him to it.
“Did you sleep with Sam?” His face contorts in disgust.
“No, I swear to you I didn’t. Why? What did she tell you?”
I study him. A part of me will always question him thanks to his past indiscretions. I don’t know if I can, or will, ever trust him again.
“She didn’t say it, but she implied it. She’s getting in my head.” I drink my beer, allowing my thoughts to ruminate and my hatred for her to strengthen.
“Forget about her.” He cradles my face in his hand, turning me to look at him.
The buzz from the alcohol is finally settling into my belly, making me hot.
I cast my eyes down before looking at him. I used to feel safe when I was with him. Looking at him used to fill me with nothing but love and happiness. Now when I look at him, all I see is all the other women he slept with when we were together. There’s no trust or love. Sure, he’s handsome, but I’m attracted to him like I’m attracted to kittens. They’re cute, but if I get too close I’ll break out in hives.
He doesn’t read the indecision I’m projecting. In fact, his eyes are red and half closed and I don’t think he’s looking at me at all.
His lips find mine and I try to kiss him back. I hope the heat in my belly will spread and I’ll want to kiss him. I hope to forget everything with this kiss and only focus on the here and now.
But I can’t.
I push him away…but he doesn’t budge. He kisses me harder, rougher. His hands wrap around my upper arms as he forces his tongue into my throat.
I manage to turn my head and a strangled, “Stop,” comes out of my mouth.
He thinks I turned my head to give him access to my neck. He trails wet kisses down the slope toward my collarbone and breasts. His hands are still on my arms and I grip him back, digging my nails into his skin. It doesn’t faze him.
My phone, which is in my back pocket, starts vibrating. With fear lacing my voice, I tell him I have to answer it. I play cool, trying not to act scared. I don’t want him to feel threatened and lash out.