“Who? Isn’t he, like, forty?”
“Be quiet and watch the movie,” I said. “I’ll make some popcorn.”
Two hours later, I turned it off as we sprawled on the sofa, empty popcorn bowls in front of us. “Okay,” Tess admitted reluctantly. “That was all right.”
“You’re kidding me.” I swiped the tears from my face, because no matter how many times I watched that movie, the ending got me every time. “You’re not even crying.”
She shrugged. “I don’t cry much. Though I’ll admit that guy was really hot before he got old. Look at you.” She grinned. “You’re such a romantic.”
I patted my face dry. “They just loved each other so much. I know it’s a stupid movie and I’m supposed to hate it, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. It’s like knowing you’re supposed to hate cake or Girl Guide cookies. You just can’t.”
Tess shook her head. “You’re hopeless. Do you always watch romantic movies?”
“Sure I do. I read romance novels, too.” Though there was no way I was actually going to show her the actual books. Maybe in ten years.
“So you were boy-crazy when you were my age.”
“Actually, no. I mean, I liked boys. But I liked Ryan Gosling better.” I gestured to the screen. “I’ve always been more comfortable with fictional men than with real ones.”
“Except this Holden guy,” Tess pointed out. “You naked like him. You admitted it. Even though he’s a jerk.”
“He isn’t a jerk. At least, not anymore.” I repeated to her what Holden had told me about what happened on prom night. It was good to tell someone, to talk about it, even if Tess was only fourteen. She was smarter and more fun than most of the adults I knew.
When I had finished, she frowned for a minute, thinking. “First of all, that’s gross,” she said. “I’d punch any guy who got drunk and stood me up on prom night. But what happened to the brother?”
“What?”
“The brother. What happened to him? Holden doesn’t say he’s around, right?”
I thought it over. Holden hadn’t mentioned where Caleb was, and he certainly hadn’t said that Caleb was here in New York. He hadn’t mentioned talking to him on the phone or anything. “Maybe he moved away,” I said. “He’d be over thirty now.”
“Okay, so where has Holden been since high school? What’s he been doing? He could have an ex-wife and a couple of kids for all you know.”
“I don’t know exactly what he’s been doing the entire time, but I really doubt there’s a wife and kids.”
“Hmm.” Tess picked up her phone and started tapping.
I watched her in alarm, a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. “You aren’t Googling, are you? You promised you wouldn’t.”
“I didn’t promise,” she said, still tapping. “Your boyfriend doesn’t have a Facebook account, by the way. Or an Insta.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I said.
“Yes, he is. No Snapchat or Twitter, either. It seems he lives under a rock.”
“I don’t think social media is Holden’s thing.”
“Then you should teach him,” she said, glancing up at me. “Your Insta is awesome.”
“Oh.” I had an Instagram account mostly as something I could send people to when I was auditioning for roles. “Thanks. That’s just singing and acting stuff.”
“Still, it’s good,” Tess said, as if her judgment was final. She went back to her phone.
“I’m not cool with this,” I said. “You shouldn’t snoop on a boy you like, or on anyone. If you have questions, you should just ask them face to face.”
“Too late,” Tess declared. “I think I found something.”
I closed my eyes, wanting and yet not wanting to know. “What?” I asked when Tess didn’t say anything else, because I was human. “What did you find?”
“I’m just looking,” Tess said, and then: “Oh.”
I opened my eyes. “What is it?”
“Oh,” Tess said again, sounding stricken. She handed me her phone. “You should see this.”
It sounded bad, whatever it was. Maybe Holden had an ex-wife and kids after all.
Whatever it was, I had to face it. I took Tess’s phone from her and looked at the screen.
It took me a minute to figure out what I was looking at. When I did, my breath froze. It wasn’t an ex-wife, and it wasn’t kids.
It was an obituary dated four years ago. For Caleb Whittaker.
Holden’s big brother was dead.
Sixteen
Holden
Some night shifts are quiet, and others are a nonstop lineup of the weirdest cases you’ve ever seen. Like cops, a lot of EMT’s believe in the power of the full moon to make people temporarily crazy. I wasn’t sure I believed that myself, but I had definitely seen my share of weird nights on my rotation.
Tonight was one of the quiet ones. Daniela was asleep on one of the bunk beds in the sleeping room at headquarters, and though I’d normally be in there too, catching a nap between calls—I had the talent of power napping like a champion—tonight I couldn’t sleep. I watched TV with the volume low for a little while, but I couldn’t concentrate. I turned it off and leaned back on the battered sofa in the headquarters living room, exhaustedly rubbing my eyes.
I loved my job, but sometimes I wondered what it was like to live a normal life, where you were asleep at two o’clock in the morning. Two hours ago Daniela and I had transported a car accident victim to the ER. The man had been pronounced dead right after we unloaded him. We’d had to clean his blood out of the ambulance afterward.
What was it like to live a life where you didn’t have to face that as a part of your job? I couldn’t remember.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, surprising me. Who was calling me at this hour? I pulled it out and saw that it was Mina.
“Hey,” I said as I answered it, torn between apprehension that something was wrong and happiness at hearing her voice.
“Hi,” she said. “Are you in the middle of something?”
“No, just sitting here waiting for a call. Why are you calling at this crazy hour?”
“Because you’re on night shift, and I want to talk to you,” she said.
She knew what shift I was on because we talked regularly since she’d decided we were friends, though we hadn’t seen each other since we’d met in Central Park. I missed her. I realized that I’d have to turn down hours somewhere and make time for Mina, or she’d never be my girl. I’d miss my chance.
I really, really didn’t want to miss my chance. Again.
“You should be asleep,” I said to her.
“I’m not asleep,” she replied. “Your headquarters is at the corner of Welmer and Slope, right?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Because I’m standing in front of it. I just got out of a cab.”
That made me sit upright. It was two thirty in the morning, and Mina was outside on the street, alone? “I’ll be right out.”