I couldn’t, and wouldn’t, blindly follow my heart again. It had proven that it only saw what it wanted to see. I knew that Jace was not Ian, but my emotional scars ran deep, and I’d sworn that I would never again mistake pretty words spoken in the heat of the moment for truth. That was a promise that I intended to keep, no matter how much I wanted to believe him.
“Well,” I said, opting to deflect with a bit of self-effacing humor, “I’m none the worse for wear, though I think it’s safe to say that I won’t be straddling a motorcycle or a horse for the next few days.”
He gave me a pained look.
“Relax. I’m kidding.” I stood on my tiptoes to kiss the underside of his jaw.
I needed to keep things light from here on out; I’d already provided enough drama. I decided then and there that I would live in the moment. I’d enjoy what he was offering and take things day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment, while I could. Jace would be moving on again soon, and I’d be back to being alone with nothing but memories to keep me warm at night.
“Now, are you going to shower with me or not?”
Chapter 10
Dear Ida,
My nest is empty. I miss my kids terribly, but for the first time in decades, I’m doing things for me. Is it wrong that I don’t feel guiltier about that than I do? – Selfish Mom
* * *
Dear Selfish,
Not at all! As women, we often put everyone else’s needs and wants above our own, often to our own detriment. Take this time for you and live it up. You deserve it!
~ * ~
Eva
“You look good,” Ross said, standing in a gentlemanly gesture when I joined him at the table.
I sat down, allowing him to tuck in my chair, and offered a genuine smile over the white-and-red-checkered tablecloth. Frucci’s was one of my favorite Italian restaurants. The food was excellent, they had no issue with substituting spaghetti squash instead of pasta, and the atmosphere was casual. That was a good thing since my shower with Jace had left little time for me to assemble a presentable outfit and do anything more than the bare minimum in terms of hair and makeup.
“You sound surprised.”
“Yes,” he admitted, studying me. “As I am that you agreed to meet me here. I was on my way to your place, thinking you’d prefer to order in.”
“You expected me to hide in the dark all day and refuse to come out, is that it?”
“Eva—”
I held up my hand, halting what I knew would be a gentle but not-so-subtle analysis of my preferred method of dealing with personal crises. “It’s all right, Ross. I get it. It is kind of what I do after all.”
And it was—usually. It was how I coped. Despite how it looked, I wasn’t trying to avoid my problems, but rather, to find and summon the strength to deal with them myself. I was a private person, and while I’d learned the importance of swallowing my pride and accepting a helping hand every now and then, I was not okay with wearing my heart on my sleeve. What had happened with Jace was an anomaly, one I did not wish to analyze too closely.
“So, what’s changed?” Ross asked.
I shrugged. There was no way I was going to get into that with him. I already felt as if I were carrying a big banner across my chest that proclaimed I’m glowing because I’ve been fucked senseless in flashing neon lights. I thought it was a testament to how abysmal my social life was that Ross didn’t recognize the signs for what they were.
“I tried to remember what it was like when I was their age and how my parents had forced me to make a choice,” I said finally, opting for partial truth. I paused, sipping at the sparkling white wine. “I didn’t want to put my boys in that position. I want them to try new things. To follow their hearts and know that I love them and will be there for them, no matter what.”
“They do know that. You’ve done a phenomenal job raising them. I think this will be a good experience for them. They’re excited about the tour now, but I think they’ll realize it’s not all roses soon enough.”
“Is it bad?”
I rarely asked Ross about Ian or Black Raven, and he didn’t volunteer much, but with Tommy and Brian involved now, I had to know.
The dark shadow that ghosted over Ross’s face was telling; he was usually in complete control of his expressions. Several moments passed before he blew out a breath and answered, “Maybe. I honestly don’t know. Ian is ... Ian.” When he saw the concern on my face, he was quick to add, “But don’t worry about the boys. They’ve already proven they’ve got their heads on straight.”
My motherly senses started tolling alarm bells, as I wondered exactly how they’d proven that and why they’d had to in the less than forty-eight hours they’d been gone. I tried to get Ross to elaborate, but he flatly refused to say any more.
“That being said,” Ross continued, “I’ll be overseeing the first leg of this tour personally.”
I bit my lip. For him to even suggest such a thing meant the situation was worse than I’d thought. I knew from experience that Ross would not divulge any details unless it was absolutely imperative. I had to continue to trust him, and drawing on the nearly twenty years we’d been looking out for each other, I would. He loved Brian and Tommy as if they were his own. But it was hard.
“I admit, I would feel better if you were there. I know we have good people handling things, but they’re not family.”
Ross nodded, and I knew it was a done deal. “I can do business from the road; that’s no problem. Can you continue to personally oversee Dark Wing until I get back? I know you don’t like the hands-on PR part of it, but they’re pretty low maintenance, comparatively speaking. I’ll make sure everyone else is taken care of.”
“Of course,” I answered quickly. Maybe too quickly.
Thankfully, Ross attributed my uncharacteristic eagerness to the fact that I would be willing to do just about anything to have him on the tour, looking out for Brian and Tommy. That was true, of course, but it also provided a valid excuse for me to spend more time with Jace. Plus, I was better acquainted with the Dark Wing account than anyone else since I handled all the behind-the-scenes magic.
And, I thought to myself, the face-to-face is going pretty well too.
“Thanks, Eva. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. How does two weeks off sound?”
I waved him off. “Unnecessary. You’re giving me peace of mind. It’s the least I can do.”
“I’m not asking,” he said firmly. “Two weeks off, effective the day after I return.”
I knew better than to argue with Ross when he got that tone, so I smiled and thanked him and sipped my wine. Chances were that when Ross returned, there would be half a dozen new fires to fight, and he would either forget or postpone my “mandatory” time off. That suited me just fine. I’d probably spend the whole two weeks at home, cleaning and doing minor DIY fix-it projects anyway.
“I’ll fly out first thing tomorrow,” he said, giving me another critical once-over. “You sure you’re okay?”
“I am,” I assured him, realizing just how true my words were. “I really am.”