I lifted my head and propped my chin on his chest so I could look at him. “It’s not enough. It’s not the same.”
His eyes closed. “What else did they take from you that night?”
I pressed my lips together as I sorted through what I wanted to say. “Ivy and Ren don’t think I’m capable enough to be out there hunting. Like, at all. Not even run-of-the-mill fae. They just want me to be the Brighton I was before, one who was content to be on call doing research. I was happy that way.”
Caden’s hand started to move again. “And that changed?”
“Yeah.” I returned my cheek to his chest, staring at the dark wall. “They took that. My contentment. My happiness with the way things were. I saw value in my purpose before, and they took that, too.” I closed my eyes. “And they stole what I thought I knew about myself.”
“Were you happy before?” he asked. “Truly?”
I opened my mouth, but I found I couldn’t answer that question.
“You were afraid,” he stated, and my eyes opened. “You were afraid of me before. You helped my brother, but you were afraid of him, too. Even Tink. You blended then. Or at least tried to. You didn’t want to be seen. You just wanted to exist in your own corner of your world.”
My breath caught.
“Afterward, you were no longer afraid. You stopped trying to blend in. Now, you’re seen, and you’re heard. You stand up for yourself. You’re living. They did take a lot from you, Brighton. Your mother. Your contentment. But it also seems like you gained a lot. Not from them, but from yourself.”
Chapter 6
Tink didn’t end up leaving Monday night. Supposedly, he’d read on the internet that Tuesday was actually the best and safest day to travel. I had no idea if that was true or not. But it’d worked out because I’d spent Monday evening with him and Fabian marathoning the Avengers until one in the morning. We’d only made it through a handful of the million movies, but at this point, I was just grateful that Tink had moved on from Harry Potter and Twilight. Not that I had anything against them. I loved them with all my heart, but I was confident that I could quote at least half of those movies at this point.
I was just happy to spend a little more time with them and Dixon. It really was going to be weird waking up without a cat sitting on my chest or Tink singing made-up songs about eggs and bacon. I was happy for him, though. This trip would be good not only for him and Fabian, but Ivy was also right. It was far past time for Tink to see something other than the Amazon website.
Having them to help occupy my evening had also stopped me from obsessing over what had happened that afternoon—and what hadn’t.
Luckily, Tink and Fabian had been squirreled away in Tink’s room when I returned from Caden’s. Otherwise, it would’ve been hard to explain why I was wearing an oversized man’s shirt with a skirt.
Caden had never answered what came next for us, and that left me…unsettled. I wasn’t naive enough to think that sex—even great sex—equaled a relationship. But for me, well, it sort of did. I didn’t care what it meant or didn’t mean for other people, but for me, that was how I operated. That was why I was so shocked that I had done it at all. Surprised that there hadn’t been a moment where I’d thought we should pump the brakes. It also stunned me that I had been so comfortable with him afterward. In the few previous relationships I’d had, I didn’t lay around naked to chat. I was always quick to cover up. But with Caden, I never felt like I had anything to hide or any reason to.
After he’d dropped that little truth bomb about how much I’d given back to myself after the attack, he’d received a call from Tanner and had to return to Hotel Good Fae. He’d kissed me goodbye, but there’d been no promises of any sort. The only thing I think he finally accepted was that I wasn’t going to quit looking for Aric.
I’d come this far, and I wasn’t going to stop now.
When I finally did go to bed that night, I’d ended up falling right to sleep. The multiple orgasms probably had a lot to do with that, along with the popcorn-induced food coma. But throughout the day, while I searched my mother’s books for anything about Devil’s Breath and headed into the offices to comb through all the papers filed away there, my thoughts kept drifting back to Caden’s apartment. To what he’d done, what I’d done, and I came to a realization. It…it had to mean something. All of it had to. Why he didn’t want me out there looking for Aric. The reason he felt like he needed to protect me. Caden wanted me, whether he liked it or not, and that had to mean something. Because he had only been with me since he came out of the Queen’s spell, and I hadn’t been stroking his ego by stating that he could have anyone he wanted. He could, and he…he wanted me.
As I thumbed through dusty papers, scanning them, I wondered about the traditions he’d spoken of that he wanted to avoid enough to not want to be the King. Part of me still believed that he didn’t feel worthy enough after what he’d done, and I hated that for him because I knew how it felt.
My mind shifted to Ivy and Ren, who I hadn’t seen yet today.
I knew what it was to not feel good enough.
My research was about as fruitful as stressing over Caden and myself. Nothing came out of either. By the time I returned home, I had a headache from sneezing over the dusty papers that no one had looked at in ages.
I passed a small army of fae outside my place loading up suitcase after suitcase as I walked inside. I stopped counting at six bags.
Dropping my keys and purse on the foyer table, I found Tink in the living room with Fabian. Dixon sat on the couch, staring at the carrier with his ears flat. He wore a little kitty shirt that read WORLD’S WORST BACKSEAT DRIVER.
I grinned at that as I walked over, scratching the little guy’s head. “How many suitcases are you guys taking?”
“The better question would be how many suitcases is Tink taking,” Fabian answered with a smile. He looked so much like his brother, except his hair was much longer, and he wasn’t as big. Then again, most people, fae or human, weren’t as big as Caden.
“I need to make sure that I have everything I could possibly want,” Tink defended himself. “Plus, I had to pack Dixon’s toys—”
“And his cat house and cat tree.” Fabian smiled. “Along with a cat bathing suit.”
My brows lifted. “They make cat bathing suits?”
Tink’s eyes glimmered. “I found it on Amazon, and I cannot wait to see him in his swim trunks.”
I glanced down at the cat, wishing I could be there when Tink attempted to introduce Dixon to swimming. Poor cat.
“My Prince,” a fae said from the doorway. “Sorry to interrupt, but there is a message for you from the King.”
My stomach did a stupid little tumble at the mention of Caden.
Fabian nodded at us as he stepped around the coffee table. “Please excuse me.”
I waited until he was out of earshot. “He’s always so polite.”
“I know.” Tink widened his eyes. “It’s annoying.”
“Shut up,” I laughed. “It’s a breath of fresh air.”
“It is.” Tink scooped up Dixon. “But his politeness makes me feel uncivilized, like I was raised by animals in the wild.”