I nodded, thinking that water would be lovely. Caden rose from the chair, walking into the adjoining living area. He returned quickly, a small glass in hand. I started to sit up but stopped when pain flared along my ribs. I took a deeper breath as I reached down.
“Your ribs are bandaged. Some of them were broken.” He set the drink aside. “Let me help you.”
Tension poured into me as Caden neared. It’s okay. It’s okay. I kept repeating that as I stared at his chest while he carefully slid an arm under my shoulders, lifting me as he shoved extra pillows behind me. It’s okay. It’s okay.
“This okay?” he asked.
I nodded.
Caden slipped away, picking up the glass. I looked up as he turned to me, offering the drink. I reached for it, and without warning, terror exploded inside my chest. The logical, functioning part of my brain knew that the reaction was unnecessary, but it was a reflex I could no longer control. I jerked back my hand, closing it in a fist against my chest.
“Are you okay?” Concern filled his tone. “Is it your ribs?”
I opened my mouth but couldn’t find the words. A logical part of my brain knew that Caden wasn’t Aric. He wasn’t going to hurt me, but I…
Tremors coursed through me as I stared at the glass, incredibly thirsty, but my throat choked with dread.
“What’s wrong? Tell me, Brighton. I can go find the healer.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him reach for me.
“Don’t!” I jerked sideways, flinching. Understanding dawned, quickly followed by a pained expression that settled into his striking features. I averted my gaze, feeling the swampy heat of embarrassment. “I’m okay. I just… I need a minute.”
Caden fell silent, and I took a minute to calm my racing heart. Then I took more than a minute to reassure myself that no blow was coming.
It’s okay.
Drawing in a deep breath, I held onto it as I lifted my hand and reached for the water. I flinched as my fingers brushed the cool glass and when nothing happened, I curled my fingers around it. Caden immediately pulled back, returning to his chair.
I couldn’t look at him as I stared down at the drink, finally exhaling. Tears pricked the backs of my eyes as I felt heat invade my neck. Lifting the glass, I caught a slight fruity scent. “What…what is in it?”
“A type of elderberry found in the Otherworld,” he answered, his voice rough like sandpaper. “It helps with inflammation and is good for an upset stomach. Many of my kind claim it can help with anxiety, too. It’s perfectly safe for humans.”
Anxiety?
I was going to need some man-made pharmaceuticals for that. “Upset stomach?” I took a tiny sip and almost moaned at the blissful coolness and the light taste of berry that eased the scratchiness of my throat.
“You were sick one of the times you woke up. You were already in the bathroom, and Ivy was with you.”
“Oh,” I murmured, taking a longer drink. When I swallowed again, it was easier. “Sorry, um, about how I freaked out. I’m just… I don’t know.”
“Don’t apologize. There’s absolutely nothing you need to apologize for.”
Peeking over at him, I found him watching me. I took another drink, wishing it would remove the flush staining my skin. When I was finished, I wanted more but figured I should probably see how my stomach handled it.
“How did you all find me?” I kept the glass between my hands because it felt normal to do so.
“I’d been looking for you. All of us were.”
Surprise rose, and then so did guilt.
“You didn’t think we were looking for you? I can’t blame you for that. Not after what happened before…before you disappeared, and with how long Aric had you. But we were. Every day, we were. Every night. I knew in my bones that he had you, but we couldn’t find him or Neal.” Caden’s voice hardened. “We captured and questioned every Winter fae we came across. Either they knew nothing, or they refused to talk. We never gave up. I never gave up hope that we’d find you, but…”
“But you didn’t expect to find me alive,” I finished for him.
Caden tilted his head away from me, his lips pressed into a firm line. “The more time that passed, the more I knew the chances were unlikely or that if you were still alive…” He tipped his head back, his throat working on a swallow. “I feel I need to be honest. After a certain point, I was no longer sure what would be worse. That you were alive and with him, or that you were gone.”
My grip tightened on the glass.
“You being…you being gone would be far worse. It would be like losing the sun.”
Chapter 15
I opened my mouth, but I had no words. That was incredibly—well, it was just an incredible thing to say.
“I haven’t thought of anything else but finding you. I don’t think any of us has,” Caden continued, facing me once more. “But I know that no matter what we felt or feared, it’s nothing compared to what you’ve gone through.”
Yet again, I had no idea how to respond to any of that or what to think. So I pretty much ignored it. “And the Order? Miles? Did they…look for me?”
“They did in the beginning.”
I knew what was left unsaid. “But they stopped? Assumed I was dead and cut their losses.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” I smiled, and it felt weird and wrong. Probably because I hadn’t done so in…well, a long time. “It’s the way it is, and I was not an essential member of the Order.”
Caden’s gaze flew to mine. “That was their mistake. And ours.”
I looked away as conversations from the past resurfaced. Caden. Ivy. Ren. Both of whom I now remembered. All of them telling me that I needed to stay out of it.
“Aric sent a message. He wanted a meeting with me, said he had something that I was looking for. I knew immediately that it was you. He was right.” Caden exhaled heavily, and something stirred on the fringes of my memory. “I had no idea if you were going to be alive or not, but I went. He never showed. Two of his Knights did. Both claimed that they assumed Aric would meet them there.”
Dumb and Dumber, I thought. The ones who’d carried the copper tub.
“One of them didn’t crack. The other did, told us where you were being held. Unfortunately, it took a while to get that information from them.”
I had a feeling I should know this. “How long did it take?”
“Four days,” Caden said.
Flashes of those days danced in front of me. The hunger. The exhaustion. The hallucinations. “Are they dead? The two Knights?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” I murmured.
“How did you kill him?” Caden asked after a moment.
“He left a…dagger behind. I can’t remember why he forgot it.” I frowned. “I think he was surprised by something and left it, but I remembered when I…. When I woke up.” I glanced over at him. “I remembered it, and I knew to wait until it was only him. Those two Knights carried the tub into the chamber so I could bathe. There was also a female fae.”
Caden’s head tilted slightly. “He made you bathe in that chamber?”