Chapter 1
Losing people sucks.
But losing people and knowing that it’s your fault? That’s the kind of guilt that crawls underneath your skin and makes a hateful home in your heart.
I stared blankly out the glass door of the abandoned department store and tightened my grip on the assault rifle. My eyes darted back and forth, constantly moving, never still. I couldn’t let a single thing slip past me. I wasn’t going to let anyone else I loved die.
I couldn’t. I wouldn’t survive.
My mind was everywhere all at once, Drax, Finn, my mother, the stranger that I’d rescued from the cave— Draydon.
But my mind always paused at Colt.
Scratch that, it froze like a deer in headlights wishing that the car would just put it out of its misery. My heart didn’t just break whenever he came to mind, it shattered into a million jagged pieces.
A useless pile of glass, that’s all I was. Only good for hurting people.
I hated myself for what I’d done, but even more so, Finn did too. He hadn’t uttered a single word to me in the three days since it had happened.
And the image of Colt lying in the shallow grave we dug for him was cemented into my mind. I saw his face every time I closed my eyes. I couldn’t even blink without being haunted, and every time I saw it my heart broke all over again.
I glanced over my shoulder to my mother's sleeping bag on the floor, making sure I could still see the slight rise and fall of her faint breaths as she slept.
My mother hadn't said a word since I’d chosen her life over Colt’s either, but her eyes told a story. There was something different about her, or maybe I was the one who was different. I don’t know. All I knew was when I looked at her, I almost saw a different person. For most of my life I’d seen my mother as someone to care for. Someone frail, to be handled with care. But she had survived so long with the governors. She had beat the odds and made her way back to me, and when I looked in her eyes now, I saw a fire that I didn’t notice before. When I thought about who I really was, and the secrets she had harbored for my entire life, I started to think that maybe I didn’t know my mother as well as I thought I did.
My eyes darted to Max asleep in his sleeping bag beside her, before they returned to their post watching the front door.
It had been three days since the governors used the dagger to cast a nationwide spell throwing the entire country into chaos. Three days since the power went out, the radios stopped working, and it was every man, or creature, for themselves.
Out of the corner my eye I spotted movement outside the building and my rifle sprung up, trigger finger ready. It almost scared me how fast I could do it now— it became a second nature.
Aim first, ask questions later.
I squinted trying to make out the moving figure in the dim morning light. One figure turned into three and my heart raced faster inside of my chest. The figures moved fast making their way through the street and I held my breath.
I didn’t know what supernatural creatures they were, or if they were supernatural at all. All I knew was the spell that the governors had cast had made a lot of people— supernatural and human alike— blood hungry. It had given people an untamable anger, a mysterious need to fight to the death.
They wanted nationwide trials, and that’s what they got.
Only about half of the country’s population was affected, but it was enough to send the other half into defense mode. Everybody was killing everybody, nobody knew who was sane or who was under the influence of the spell.
I held my breath and my ground as I watched, ready to shoot whoever I had to to keep my mother and Max safe, but I breathed a sigh of relief at the familiar blonde locks.
Drax, Finn, and Draydon.
I nudged the door open and stepped outside just enough to be able to cover their backs as they filed inside the store.
“I’m so glad you guys are back.” I whispered, forcing a nervous smile.
Do it. Don’t be a coward. I pushed myself to finally attempt contact with Finn. I opened my arms and wrapped them around him, but he shoved me away and walked off without a word. My stomach dropped and I bit back tears at the rejection.
Draydon turned to me, his brown eyes locking on mine. “No thanks to you.” He said with a hint of anger in his voice.
He barely spoke to me too. The only reason he stayed was to make sure my mother was okay. For some odd reason he felt a connection to her, a protective one. But after the few days that I’d had, it wasn’t the weirdest thing, so I brushed it off. One more body to help us fight through the chaos was fine by me.
Drax stepped forward with a devilish smile, his arms spread wide open. “I’ll take theirs too if you’re offering.” The mischief in his eyes told me he wanted more than just a hug.
I rolled my eyes and turned to walk toward the others.
“Was it something I said?” Drax called out.
“You still have food on your face.” I groaned.
I glanced over my shoulder and caught a glimpse of him wiping the smear of blood beneath his lips.
“A guy’s gotta eat sometime darling.” He mumbled before grudgingly accepting my post as the lookout.
I’d noticed the red tint on Finn’s lips too, but I didn’t dare say a word to him. I was on thin ice already... he probably hated me if I was being honest.
But I didn’t mind because I hated myself too.
My mother was awake, and I watched as Draydon helped her sit up and handed her a bottle of water. He did it with such care that I couldn’t help but wonder who the hell he really was and why he even cared to begin with.
But I didn’t have the energy to push for answers, not anymore. I pushed for answers before and I saw where it got me, exactly where I was. One person down and a whole lot of self-hatred.
Max got up and relieved Drax from the post that I’d abandoned him at, and Drax sat down beside me. An eerie silence filled the air. Too many people were pissed at me, more than normal, and it left an awkward taste in the air.
“So, what’s it like out there?” I forced the words to come, even though I didn’t feel like talking either.
It was a question thrown to anyone willing to pick it up, but it was no surprise when Finn and Draydon didn’t.
“A shit show, obviously.” Drax finally answered when he realized that the others were more committed to their vows of silence than he’d thought. “Honestly it’s one hundred times worse than the trials, hands down.”
I pursed my lips together and shivered at the thought. My stomach churned uneasily.
Had I really defied all odds and made it out of the trials alive, only to die in an even worse version?
The universe had a sick sense of humor. It was starting to look like it hated me too.
“Are there many humans left?” I asked. I had no idea what little farm town we were hunkered down in, somewhere near the old church. It was big enough to have its own small convenience store.
“Not anymore.” Drax smiled devilishly and licked his lips.
I punched him in the arm and scowled at him.
“Nice way to capitalize on the situation by killing innocent people.” I mumbled.
Drax rolled his eyes. “I’m kidding! But I’m truly hurt at how little you think of me, darling.”
Again with the nickname. I was beginning to think that it was his new buzzword. I didn’t want to admit that the sound of it threatened to make my legs quiver and my clit twitched as the word fell from his lips.