"I know, Aurelia,” I cry out, trying to breathe. “I know, okay? Listen, don't give up on me.” Another sob wracks my body. “Please, please don’t leave okay?” I shake my head, not even wanting to think of a world where she wasn’t in it. “You aren’t going to leave, okay? You are going to be all right. It’s you and me, ride or die.” I pause, swallowing as trying to get the words out.
“You remember when we were kids and I scraped my knee riding my bike?” I nod my head up and down. “You told me to let you help me and you carried me home. Let me help you. Please just hold on and let me help you." She tries to smile but she is so weak. It didn’t even look real. Maybe I just imagined it.
I could hear the commotion behind me, people shouting but all I could see, all I was focused on was Aurelia.
She cried with a hopeless sob, “I’m…I’m co-cold.”
I shut my eyes, letting more tears fall. I force my eyes to open. I had to be strong for her. If she dies right here, she is going to leave looking at someone who loves her.
"I know, Aurelia, I know,” I repeat over and over hysterically. Everything around us was moving at the speed of light, but we were moving in slow motion. Our eyes met and I thought of the time we spun in circles in the middle of the road. That’s what It felt like, spinning around and around and around…
"Ma'am, you have to move, we need to get to her!” I hear screamed above me. Voices coming from all directions. Her eyes shut, they flutter closed and her heartbeat slows even more. I feel her pulse stop through my fingertips. I physically feel the moment she dies. I’m screaming; I can feel it. Screaming until my throat is raw. I’m shaking my head violently back and forth, repeating the word ‘no’ over and over again. Everything is a blur. I hear voices screaming, but they all run together.
I see a glimmer of us. All of our memories are unfolding before my eyes, a miniature clip of all our accomplishments together. She won’t ever laugh with me again, argue with me about what TV show to watch. We won’t get to grow old together. She won’t be a mother or see my kids grow up. She won’t ever wake up again…
“Hey! Nice hit out there!” I smack her back as I slide onto the bench next to her. Aurelia was quiet, she never talked to a lot of people, but I always thought her hair looked like Barbie’s. I made it a point to talk to her every day. My dad said she just needed a friend.
“Your hair looks like a lion’s mane.” She doesn’t even look at me, just watches the rest of our team on the ice.
I laugh softly, pulling at one of my curls. “I know I get that a lot. It’s cool though, I like the curls.”
“Why do you keep talking to me?” she snaps as she turns to look at me. I shrug, smiling. I was missing my front tooth but I didn’t care.
“I want to be your friend!”
She scoffs, “Friend?”
“Yes, we can get hot dogs together, play hockey, and I have a really cool pinball machine at my house!”
A small smile breaks onto her small mouth, but she tries to hide it with a shrug.
“That sounds pretty cool, I guess. We have to get ice cream too!”
“Chocolate or strawberry?”
“Valor!”
“One, two, three, say cheeseeee!” my dad says loudly.
I smile closing my eyes, and I can only imagine what Riggs is doing on my back. She is clinging to my neck, her legs wrapped around my waist as we pose for another picture.
She jumps down, taking her cap off her head, and tossing it behind her somewhere on the school grounds.
“Can we please get drunk tonight? Four years in that hell hole, we deserve it.” she asks and I laugh.
Our matching caps and gowns adorn our bodies. High school graduation, one of the best days of my life.
“Wait till we hit college graduation, then I’ll really need a drink,” I joke, and she nods in agreement.
She pulls me forward hugging me tightly to her. “Ride or die, bitch.”
“Ride or die.”
“Ma’am, move!”
“Do you need another tub of ice cream?” she asks me, from her end of the couch. I’m lying on one end and she is on the other, our legs are interwoven in the middle.
I just shake my head, hugging the pillow closer to my chest and sniffling.
“Are you sure you don’t want to kill him? Because I could easily─”
“I’m okay, Riggs. I promise.” It’s a lie, but I don’t need her going to jail.
She stands up, walks towards me, and squats in front of me. She brushes a piece of hair out of my face, smiling.
“No, you aren’t. But that’s okay. I’ll be here to pick up the pieces, little lion.”
“Valor!”
I feel arms wrap around my waist, yanking me off her. I claw and kick, fighting the person’s hold. More screams leave my body, more pain, more everything. Pieces of my soul that I will never get back. I wither back and forth, begging them to let me go. Begging them to let me go to her.
“No, NO, I don’t want to leave her! Please, she needs me. Please, Riggs, Riggs, please answer ME!” It’s a prayer to a dark nothingness, no one answers me.
I remember screaming.
Then everything goes black.
I hated the smell of hospitals. The last time I was willingly inside of one was when my dad passed out in front of a bar when I was fifteen. Before that, it was when my mom killed herself. This place smelled like bad luck and alcohol swabs. It made my mouth water, like when you know you’re going to throw up.
As I swivel through the hallways I realize how erratic my heart is beating. Nico said Valor was fine, but I needed to lay eyes on her. To see that she was okay.
I need to make sure my girl is okay.
Sure, she was with some other guy, but until the day I died, Valor Sullivan was always going to be my girl.
JR had been the one to call me, said that Valor needed me and Riggs was in recovery. He also told me that Aurelia’s parents hadn’t shown up yet. He had called them many times but they never answered. It made me sick to my stomach.
I could hear the sorrow in his voice. He felt as if he’d failed Riggs. Aurelia was JR’s kid more than she was her own parents’. They both knew that.
When I get to the room, and open the door, I’m not sure what to feel first. The first person I notice is Riggs.
The urge to vomit hits me full force. I’ve known her since she was ten. I’ve known her for over half her life. I’ve watched her grow up, and I never thought… I never expected her to be here. Not like this.
This is one of those cruel truths of life. The one that reminds us the brightest of smiles hide mountains of pain.
Machines, cords, and wires connect to her body. Her almost white hair is stained with blood and sweat. She looks dead. Her skin is an ugly shade of blue, and if no one told me, I wouldn’t know it was her.
A selfish piece of me wants to be angry with her. Angry that she wanted to leave Valor, to leave this life she lived. Then I felt understanding. The pain had become so terribly bad for her that she honestly believed dying was easier than taking another breath. Something we all take for granted.
Finally I felt regret. A sickening feeling. I’d seen someone die from suicide before, and I didn’t notice the signs until it was too late. How am I in this situation again? How did I not notice anything? What could I have done to stop this?