I think it just shows that the people who want to kill themselves don’t tell you about it until it’s too late.
I advert my eyes to the left of her, noticing Nico leaning on the wall, and Prescot, or whatever the hell is name is on the phone next to him.
Nico is pale, staring at the bed like an alien landed in front of him. I think we all lost a piece of ourselves today, and I think Nico lost a slice of his carefree attitude. I’d met Nico’s parents. They were in love and happy. They were good people, and they raised him in a home that never saw any turmoil. Nico has never experienced something like this.
He’s naive to this kind of pain. A pain so deep you feel the need to kill yourself to escape it. Nico’s life was sunshine and rainbows, and this was his first real glimpse of just how cruel life could be to some people.
Flamingo suit is on the phone, mumbling about paperwork and lawsuits. As if Valor’s world isn’t crumbling down around her. He is going on as if nothing has happened, meanwhile his ‘girlfriend’s’ entire life has just stopped.
Nico walks towards me, a solemn look on his face. He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, over and over again. All of his positive energy he carries is now negative, and he doesn’t know how to release it.
“Where’s JR?” I say quietly looking at my friend.
He sighs. “He went to get coffee. Needed some air, said he couldn’t stand seeing both of his kids so broken.”
JR had been there for Riggs since she was six. She stayed with them, traveled back and forth to hockey games, ate dinner with them. He threw her birthday parties. He was the only real father Riggs had ever known. The other one was a piece of shit more concerned with his political agenda and which secretary would be sucking his dick.
“Fuck, man. Fuck! This is so fucked,” he whispers yells. “How does it get this bad for someone? Riggs is loaded, man, she’s a fucking knockout. What is so bad with her life that this is what she wanted? I mean how selfish can you b─”
“Nico, how long have you all been here?” My voice is calm, not raised or angry. I know people like Nico who have only seen the good in the world can’t imagine ever wanting to leave it.
Some will never understand that sometimes the fear of living with your pain is greater than the fear of dying. It’s the lesser of two terrors.
Everyone thinks suicide is selfish until the person you love slits their wrists.
He stops abruptly and shrugs his shoulders. “A couple hours, maybe more, why?”
“Look around.” I pause. “Who are the only people you don’t see here? The two people that still haven’t called to check on their daughter, even after I called them.”
I cut my eyes to him. “Some people have demons, Nico, and sometimes, they overtake you.”
His eyes widen as my words settle in. As he realizes that Aurelia’s parents are alive and healthy, but have yet to check on their daughter. That harsh reality sets in. We all lose our innocence at some point. Mine and Valor’s has been gone a long time, but Nico’s? Nico’s just got up and walked out the door.
“How is Val?” I couldn’t make myself look at her yet. I didn’t think I could handle it after seeing Riggs.
Nico continues to run a hand through his hair. “Physically? She’s fine, just covered in blood because she refused to leave Riggs’ side. Mentally though?” He bites his lip, trying to find the words. “I don’t think there is really a word to use besides broken.”
Broken.
A word that means having been fractured or damaged, and no longer in one piece or in working order.
Valor and I were so broken that our pieces had found a way to mend each other. Our story was a tragically beautiful mosaic created from trauma. It’s why we were so connected. There were pieces of me holding hers together and vice versa.
I want to give her all of my pieces if it could take this sadness away.
“Valor, love, Valor look at me.” I hear Prendal coo loudly to my right. I snap my eyes towards him, seeing him standing above Valor’s frame trying to get her attention.
When my eyes finally land on her, I want nothing more than to take her far, far away from here. Valor was always a strong woman, it was something I admired. The way she carried herself, never afraid to speak her mind, bold, unstoppable. I loved all of it. But right now she isn’t any of those things.
It’s the most fragile I’ve ever seen her. She is a chipped porcelain doll whose owner forgot about her. Not only is she cracked on the inside, but so is her spirit.
Her head lies sideways on the hospital bed, allowing me to see her face. Both hands cling to one of Riggs’. If Valor was any closer she’d be on top of her.
There isn’t a single inch of her body moving. It doesn’t even seem like her chest is rising with her breathing. The look in her eyes will haunt me forever.
I’ve always loved her eyes, the purest green on earth. And now they just seem hollow. I’d realize that it isn’t the color of her eyes that always draws me in, but the spark behind them. And now it is gone.
They are full of hopelessness. Void of any and all emotion. They look just like my dad’s. That thought alone had me spiraling. Drops of blood cover her freckles, while heavy amounts of the dark liquid stain her hands, clothes, and some is even in her hair. She isn’t crying. She just sitting there with her eyes wide open. I don’t even think I see her blink.
I walk towards Valor like she’s a beaten dog. I don’t want to spook her. When I am next to Pretzel, Prescott, whatever, I look at him, and clear my throat.
“You mind?” I say referring to Valor.
He slits his eyes, looking me up and down like I’m gum beneath his Christian Louboutin shoes.
“Yes I mind, but you don’t plan on listening to me, do you?” he quips, and I just give him a sarcastic smile. I didn’t come here to argue with him. I’m here to make sure Riggs and Valor are okay. They are what is important at the moment, not my pissing contest with douche dick.
I move past him, and start to squat slowly so that I’m eye-level with her. My eyes are on hers, but it’s as if she doesn’t even see me. She’s looking through me. Valor isn’t here right now. She’s locked inside the closet of her mind. A place she created for when her emotions became too much.
I swallow the itch in my throat, as I move my hand towards her face. She still doesn’t budge, not even when I drag my thumb across her cheek. My fingers find a loose curl. I run the pads of my fingers up and down it slowly, before tugging it down just enough that she’ll feel it.
I hold my breath, I think we all are. The only sounds that fill the room are the sounds of Riggs’ machines beeping. Everyone is hanging on a thread looking at Valor. I wait patiently for what feels like hours but it’s really just a few seconds. I’m about to call her name when she blinks, and her green eyes move to mine.
It’s such a soft movement like she just woke up and her eyes are adjusting to the sun. Realization sparks behind those gems, which also means tears start to leak from them. She still hasn’t said a word, but I know she knows I’m here now. She sees me.
“I see you, Vallie girl, I see you,” I whisper softly as I rub my thumb across her cheek ignoring the feeling of crusty blood on her skin.