His eyes, those blue eyes hold everything I’ve ever wanted in life. Everything but what I need. What I need right now isn’t something Bishop can give me.
Tears sting my eyes, and I don’t bother trying to hide them. I embrace this emotion, this feeling. I lift my hand moving a piece of hair out of his eye, trying to smile, but I know it looks awful. I shake my head back and forth, biting my lip.
“I feel like I’m holding you back from an opportunity. What if New York is better than here?”
His pretty blue eyes darken, storm clouds hover over them. He swallows, and I watch his Adam’s apple bob up and down. Bishop looks down, shaking his head.
“When I did that interview, I was being a selfish piece of shit. I didn’t want to be around you if I couldn’t have you. Seeing you, being near you, not being able to touch you? It kills me. I wanted the opportunity to get away from you, but I realized something.”
My heart hears the hope in his voice and it’s like that was all she needed. His voice is the magic that scatters along with my cracked heart and makes flowers sprout from their crevices. He is the only person I know capable of taking something broken and making it beautiful.
He places his hands on either side of my face, making my eyes meet his. A few tears fall down my face.
“You’re my home, Vallie. I can’t run away from you. You’re in me, you always have been. Leaving you is worse than not having you as mine. I want to be here for you. Whenever you decide you need me, I’ll be right here. I’m not leaving you. I’m never leaving you again.”
His thumbs wipe the tears from my face, and his fingers tickle the back of my neck as he plays with the hair that grows there. This undeniable warmth spreading across my stomach, and I lean into his touch. This feeling of lightness attempts to lift the burden off my shoulders, Jesus fuck.
I love him. I’m so fucking in love with him.
“I’m,” I pause, “I’m not ready yet. I ca─”
“I know you’re not ready. One night of being there for you isn’t going to heal four years of me being gone. I’ll wait, because you and me?” He motions between us.
“We’re connected, Vallie baby. You are in me like a fucking drug. Whether it be twenty years or ten decades. I know you’ll find your way back to me. Until then, I’ll wait.”
I lean my head on the wall with a thud, sighing, the tears still falling. I give him a sad smile.
“I’m just trying to find my way back to me, B. I can’t ask you to wait for me to do that.”
He gives me that crooked grin that I fell so hard for, his fingers move to the pendant dangling on my neck. “You’re a little lost right now, Vallie girl. That’s okay. I know that you’ll find your way back home. And I’ll be there when you do.”
My entire life Bishop has been this armor that protected me from the world. He’s not as shiny as he used to be, and there are a few dents but he’s still there. He’s always strong for me when I need him to be. Whenever I need to fall apart, he’s always there.
I’d been wearing this pendant for nearly ten years. I never took it off. Not once. It was a constant reminder that Bishop was always there for me. That he was always there no matter the circumstance.
I’ve lost my way but the road back home doesn’t look as dark anymore.
The sun is lighting the way.
Do you think people know when their life is going to change forever? Like did Princess Diana know she was going to get in that car accident? Did Abraham Lincoln think he would die the day he was shot?
I wonder if they ever got these feelings, an overwhelming sensation that screamed trouble. I wish I would have gotten some kind of warning, if I had, I wouldn’t have even gotten out of bed today.
“You’re telling me you haven’t fucked him once? Sucked his dick? Bishop hasn’t eaten the cat in five months?”
I whip my head around to face Riggs, “Can you be any louder? Jesus, my dad is going to hear you!” I exclaim as we make our way towards my dad’s door.
“And no, we haven’t had sex. We are just friends right now, I’m going slow.”
She scoffs, “Bullshit.”
I roll my eyes, I wasn’t lying. Even though I had been the most sexually frustrated I had ever been in my life I hadn’t touched Bishop, and same for him. He meant what he said, that he would wait for when I was ready.
The past five months had been about recovery for everyone, not just me. I focused most of my time on hockey and Riggs. I didn’t want my game to be affected any more than it already had. Hockey was my escape from everything, out on the ice is where I healed myself.
I poured myself into every practice, every game. I was playing the best I ever had. My rookie season was one for the record books. The harder I pushed the more respect I earned in the league. I was no longer ‘JR Sullivan’s daughter,’ I was just Valor, a girl who loved hockey more than anything. Jane was still a bitch, but we’d learned how to work together to ensure our team won games. I think she secretly liked me, but she’s afraid to admit it to herself.
The season was nearly over, which meant playoffs were upon us. I always loved this time of year for hockey. The pressure was on for everyone. The games were more intense because everyone was battling for a spot. We were sitting at number three in the league which meant if we kept winning, we’d be guaranteed a spot.
The boys were doing equally as well. Kai was at an all-time high with saves, and shutouts. Bishop was still Bishop, one of the best defensemen in the league. There wasn’t anything that man couldn’t do. The rest of the team followed him, if he was playing good, they were too. He kept the momentum up at all times.
Nico was the only player a little off. Bishop mentioned something about his family having a hard time, but he didn’t go into details. Nico was still scoring goals, but you could see, even on the ice, he had lost some of his spunk. That happy-go-lucky attitude had slowly faded away and no one could seem to figure out why.
I open the front door, calling into the home, “Dad, we are here!”
Walking into my dad's house was like taking off your bra after a long day. You could relax, breathe, be yourself. I didn’t have to be anyone but Valor in this home. The place he raised me, where all our memories were held. This house was a time capsule of his love for me, and I'd cherish it for a lifetime.
My eyes scan the home, My fingers graze the entry way into the kitchen where my growth chart is marked with black sharpie. The place we made breakfast every Sunday. The time I forgot to put the lid on the blender when I was making a smoothie for Father's Day when I was eight. Nights my dad spent slaving in here to make cupcakes for my class because he never wanted me to feel like I was different because I didn't have a mom.
My entire life he busted his ass to make sure I always felt loved.
A wave of nostalgia washes over me when I see the pictures on the fridge. I picked up one of me on Bishop’s back when I was sixteen. My fingers run across his face. These were some of my favorite memories of us. Before all the bad shit, when we were just Bishop and Vallie.
A smile builds on my face at the thought of him. Bishop and I were taking things day by day.
I think we were just enjoying the fact we were in each other's lives again. He wasn’t rushing me to be with him. We just took it step by step. I couldn’t be more grateful for that. It felt like we were friends again. Hell, he and Riggs were getting along. As much as oil and water can get along.