Valor was slightly taller than Anna, and Vallie had gotten her eyes and curly hair from her dad. But the color of it was the same fiery red as Anna’s. I was stuck in a doorway of past and present.
Maybe I didn’t want to believe this woman who had raised me was capable of leaving behind a child, and that’s why I never connected the dots. I didn’t want to admit to myself that ugly truth. But now I had to. I had to accept the fact that Annalise was Valor’s mother and that she left her.
It’s the reason they never made it to any of my games. I always assumed it was because Eric was coaching during the same season I played and he never got time to. But now I know it’s because they didn’t want to run into JR or Valor.
“So this is where deadbeat moms hide out?” Valor’s voice is harsh, and I know that mood. She doesn’t care what she says because she is hurting. She’s in attack mode, and that means there is zero filter.
Anna flinches from the gravity of her words, but Vallie doesn’t care.
Valor looks around the house, scoffing, “You know when I was kid I used to think you were trapped somewhere, and that’s why you couldn’t come to see me. Then I got older and I convinced myself you were sick or on drugs. I wanted to blame it on everything, but you. Even after you fucking abandoned me, I still gave you the benefit of the doubt and yet, here you are.”
Mine and Valor’s relationship had this connection because we both lost our moms so young. I had hated Valor’s mom since I found out what she did to her. She left. She wasn’t forced to leave, she chose to leave.
I was torn between my gratitude to Anna and my love for Valor. How was it that a woman I saw as a mother figure could hurt the woman I love so badly? She was the reason Valor couldn't look in the mirror somedays. It was why she was made fun of in school, and the reason she hated her birthday.
I hated Anna for Valor, but I loved her for all she’d done for me.
She tosses her hands in the air waving around, motioning at the house, “Here you fucking are in the suburbs with your perfect fucking family.”
Anna hasn’t moved from her spot in the hall behind me, she’s just standing there like a statue. I’d never seen someone so collected in a state of crisis before. This only enrages Valor more.
“You’re not going to say anything to me? After all these fucking years, all you’re going to do is stand there?”
I step onto the porch, attempting to wrap her in my arms, but she holds her hand up, “Don’t touch me,” she snaps.
Don’t touch me.
Don’t touch her? Is she insane? All I think about is touching her. Why does she think I knew about this? Does she honestly believe I knew after all these years? She thinks I knew about this?
“He didn’t know, Valor. We never told Bishop about you.” I turn to see Anna walking closer to the front door, so I automatically step in front of Valor.
Facing her so that my body acts as a shield in front of Valor. Anna’s face is the textbook definition of misery. I’m hurting her.
I love Anna. She helped raise me when I had no one. But come hell or fucking high water, I’ll defend the girl behind me. Anna had scarred her in a way no one should hurt a child. Every time Valor cried over her mother, over not being enough, over not understanding why she left, it was because of her.
I wasn’t going to let anyone hurt her anymore. I was sick and fucking tired of seeing my girl cry.
“Is that true?” Valor says from behind me. I turn quickly, facing her again. My hands cup her cheeks, lifting her head to face me. My thumbs smooth the skin underneath her eyes.
“I fucking swear to you, Vallie. I didn’t know anything about this. I wouldn’t lie to you. Tell me you know that,” I whisper softly. I’m hoping that the mixture of my touch and my voice will be enough to calm her down. Just enough so that the neighbors don’t call the police. Valor’s temper isn’t something the Alton police are equipped to handle.
Her green eyes search mine, looking for any ounce of deception. When she’s happy with whatever she found, she pulls her face from my grasp and motions to Anna.
“Valor, did you read my letters?”
Letters? Why do I feel like I was sent into war without any weapons? What kind of letters?
Valor chuckles harshly, a bitter voice to match, “Yeah, all three hundred of them. And you know what, Annalise?” she spits her name at her feet like venom.
“I think they were all bullshit. Anyone can hide behind a piece of paper, but you don’t get to do that anymore. I want you to look me in my face and tell me why you fucking left.”
Valor shoulders through me, walking with her head held high towards Anna when I know she is weeping on the inside. That’s what I love about her.
Her strength is unmatched. Valor doesn’t need my protection. She never did. She can handle anything the world throws at her with a smile, she never needed my protection.
She just wants my support. After she’s done having a brave face, and she wants to take off the mask of strength. I’m the person she breaks apart for. I’m the guy lucky enough to catch her when she falls. The one she runs to when the weight of the world gets too heavy.
The world has tried so hard to break her and here she is, standing there like she’s never felt pain and never experienced loss.
My girl is a fucking warrior. She doesn’t need me to be a shield, she just wants me to hand her a sword.
“Valo─” Annalise starts but doesn’t finish.
“Mom, what’s going on? Who’s that?”
As if there wasn’t enough fuel to Valor’s figurative fire. More secrets just kept pouring out of a closet that was long overdue to be cleaned out.
Violet and Lily appear from the kitchen. They both looked like their dad, minus a few things. But you can clearly see that Anna’s their mother. It didn’t take a genius to figure that out.
This was a fucking tornado of bad timing.
“Girls, go to your room.” Eric orders. They stare at Valor curiously as if their brain wants to make the connection but their heart won’t let them. They disappear upstairs moments later and once again this emotional battle is back on.
“Oh this is fucking rich!” Valor announces. She runs a hand through her hair, and I know it’s because she is struggling to mask her sadness with anger. Her shield is cracking.
“I have fucking sisters! How old are they? Seventeen? You waited all of a year after you came to see me to replace me? Am I that fucking disposable to you? Was I that easy to throw away?” Her voice starts to quiver at the end. However the octane of it is only growing. She is getting louder and louder with each discovery.
I walk towards her, dipping my head to meet her ear. I whisper softly,
“Vallie baby, calm down.”
She whips her head around to me, glaring.
“Goddamnit, don’t tell me to calm down!” she yells. Her chest is rising and falling rapidly, her cheeks are tinted a bright red, and her eyes are the brightest shade of green I have ever seen in my life.
Valor takes a deep breath looking back at Anna. They are inches away from each other. Mother and daughter. But in reality, they’re two strangers who happen to share DNA.
“I waited twenty fucking years to hear what it was about me that was so worthless that made it impossible for you to tell me goodbye.” She pauses, gathering herself.