“Is that an offer?” I raised an eyebrow, and licked my lips salaciously. I was being an asshole. I knew it would make her squirm, but I did it anyway. Sure enough, she looked embarrassed, but didn’t shy away from my gaze.
“Not the kind you’re no doubt talking about, but it’s pretty early—I’m not exactly tired, and I’m sure you’re not either. I’m happy to hang out. I just don’t want—”
“I’m not going to drink, or use, or off myself, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m fine.” She still looked hesitant. “Seriously, it’s all good. I’m just going to go down to my cave and jack off until my dick is raw, or my hand cramps into a claw, whichever happens first. I mean it, you’re off the hook.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“What exactly are you confused about? I’m saying you don’t have to worry about hanging out with me. Go get some sleep, and I’ll see you in the morning.”
“No. I’m not just leaving it like that. I’m glad you’re fine, and not feeling like you’re going to relapse”—God, I hated that word—“but I also want to clarify something right now. I don’t just hang out with you in my capacity as some kind of minder, or babysitter, or some shit. I hang out with you because I like you, and I enjoy your company. You get that, right?” I didn’t answer.
“Rome.”
“What?” I looked down at my Converse-clad feet.
“Would you look at me a moment, please?” I slowly and grudgingly brought my gaze back to meet hers.
“I enjoy your company. I don’t endure it because I have to. I genuinely want to spend time with you. I like you. Period. You get that, right?”
I shrugged, aware that I was coming across like a sulky teenager.
“Right?” I could tell by the determined look in her eyes that I wasn’t getting out of this without giving her an answer. I could read her better with each passing day, and if it was one thing I’d learned about her was that she had a stubborn streak a mile wide, and once she got an idea in her head, there was pretty much no persuading her to deviate from it.
“Sure. Okay. Whatever.”
“Don’t give me that crap. You know I value your friendship. I value you.”
“Yeah, I know. Like I said before, just ignore me. I realize I’m being emo and extra right now. My therapist warned me that this might happen as part of the rehab process. Must be all that sitting around hugging trees and getting all up in our feelings and shit.”
“Hahahahaha! That is an image I’m really struggling with, but they say what happens in rehab stays in rehab. You know what else I’m struggling with?”
“What?”
“These shoes. They’re fucking killing me.”
I did not see that coming. “Why do you still have them on then?”
“Well because we haven’t made it past the hall, so I haven’t really had the chance to take them off. Do you think we could carry on this conversation somewhere more comfortable? We skipped coffee at the awards, and even though it’s late, I’m craving one. Care to join me?”
“Okay. In the meantime, allow me to make up for my totally ungallant behavior earlier.” I grabbed her hands, and lifted them high in the air, before maneuvering so that she was behind me.
“Jesus! What the hell are you doing?”
“Piggy back. I’ll carry you to the kitchen and make you a coffee. It’s the least I can do after I was so rude getting out of the car.”
“Oh that’s okay, no need—”
“Neigh! Neigh! Saddle up.” I made a clip-clop sound and mimed the movement to match. One more second of hesitation, and I saw the moment she decided to play ball.
Neither of us had thought the logistics through until it was too late, but after some fumbling, she managed to hitch her sparkly gown up far enough to climb aboard. I faux galloped down the hall, while we both screamed with laughter, and it was only when we reached the threshold of the kitchen that I remembered she’d told King that she wasn’t wearing any panties.
I pushed the thought to the back of my mind, and concentrated on not dropping her, as we were both laughing so hard, it was a distinct possibility. I managed to deposit her at the dining table safely, but by that point, we were literally crying with laughter as she smoothed her dress back down again.
A few minutes later I handed her the coffee I’d made her. “Thanks.”
She looked confused. “Shouldn’t I be the one thanking you? You did give me a horsey ride here, then make me coffee.”
“All in a day’s work. I’m thanking you for helping me snap the fuck out of my funk. I haven’t laughed like that in I can’t remember how long, but it reminded me that fun has been sadly lacking in my life lately. I guess I just don’t really know what that looks like sober, but I’m going to have to learn if I’m not going to lose my ever-loving mind.” She was looking down at her stockinged feet, having removed her shoes shortly after sitting down at the table.
“Hmm... I won’t pretend to know what that’s like, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you in any way I possibly can be.”
“I know. And I should let you know that I appreciate it, even when it seems otherwise.”
“Yeah, I know that, too, and I’ve learned to just ignore most of the assholery.”
“Okay, well that’s good to know. And on that note, I have an appointment with some lotion and a whole stack of socks.”
“Ugh. And speaking of being a douche, you just had to go there, huh?”
“I did. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t. Besides, you guys ‘secretly’ like that I’m the dickish one. It makes you both look and feel better.”
“That’s not how it is at all.”
“That’s totally how it is, but don’t worry, I don’t mind. I’m happy to be people’s ‘at least I’m not as bad as that guy’ friend.”
“You’re not. Not for me, anyway.”
“Well I am for King, but it’s all right, that’s our schtick.” I’d been leaning with one foot rested against the kitchen island, with my ass on the edge of the countertop, so I pushed off, stood up straight, and skulled my double espresso in one gulp.
“Speaking of schtick, I have to tell you, I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard, either. I think I peed a little.
“Well that’s a nice image. I hope it was after I put you down?”
“Oh sorry, was that TMI? Didn’t you realize that women could be gross like guys, too?
“Ha! Remember the whole traveling performance troupe thing? I’ve seen and heard it all, trust me.”
“Oh, I don’t but that’s okay. And to answer your question, no I didn’t pee on you.” She grinned.
“Good to know.” I grinned right back. “Goodnight. See you in the morning.”
“Okay. Have fun.”
“I will.” But not as much as if I was going to be buried deep inside you, instead of fucking my own hand, while watching porn with the sound down.