Chapter 8
King
I’d managed to keep it together the whole time I’d been in Florida. Both by Maw Maw’s bedside for the few days she held on for us to all get there before she slipped away, and in the time since. I wasn’t sure if it was about keeping up a front for the family, or supporting my Mom, but I hadn’t shed a tear. Not even in private. But as soon as I saw Quincy get out of the jet and make her way across the tarmac to me in the private airport lounge, I could feel the emotion building, and the tears welling.
“Hey. I’m so, so sorry.” She flung her arms up and around my neck, and I just about lost it. It was as though a dam had burst its banks, and all the shit I’d been holding back and didn’t even know I had been suppressing came flooding out.
Quincy took my hand and led me to some easy chairs. She pushed me gently down into one, but instead of sitting in the one next to me, as I’d expected, she straddled me on my seat so that we were facing each other, and pulled me into a tight embrace.
I cried like a fucking baby, and she let me. “I got you sweetheart. Let it out.” Her voice was low and soothing. She rubbed my upper back with one hand, and with the other, massaged up from my shoulders and into my hair, repeating each motion over and over, as she gently kissed my neck and around my ears.
I snaked my arms around her waist and pulled her close to me, burying my face into her. Just her scent alone was comforting to me, like coming home. I had no idea how long we stayed that way, though I was dimly aware that at some point Rome had joined us, and sat down in the next seat.
When I finally felt a little more in control, I pulled my face away from the crease of Quincy’s neck, and sniffed loudly, wiping my eyes with the heels of my palms.
“Shit. I’m sorry. What a fucking mess.”
“Why the hell would you apologize? You’re burying your grandmother in a couple of hours’ time. Not that you need an excuse, but if you did, I can’t think of a better one.”
I looked down into our laps. Her words made total sense, but that didn’t stop me from feeling embarrassed at the over-the-top display of emotion. I honestly couldn’t remember ever having cried that way since I was a kid.
“Eyes up here and look at me.” I carried on staring downwards. “King. I mean it. Look at me.” This time she moved her hand from my hair, and lifted my chin with the crook of her index finger.
“I’m so here for this.” She motioned between the two of us. “This is life. This is love. If we can’t be there for each other in these moments, when it’s not pretty, but it’s real then, we might as well not pretend to be there for each other at all. I’m your ride or die, you have to know that?” I didn’t answer, I was too lost in the intensity of her gaze. “Well, if you don’t, I’m telling you now. I got you. I love you.”
She moved both hands to my cheeks and smoothed away the few remaining tears with the pads of her thumbs. Then leaned forward to gently kiss the places her thumbs had just been. “Truth? I love this version of you as much as the one who at another time, would bend me over this chair and fuck me raw. And more to the point, I’m there for both. You never have to worry about censoring yourself. I want you for the good, the bad, and the ugly.”
She pressed her mouth to mine, and as she opened up to let me inside, it was like a piece of heaven melting on my tongue. We kissed that way for a while, the heat gradually intensifying as time slipped by. In the end, Quin was the one to pull back, or else I probably would have stayed there all day.
“We should go. We all need to get ready for the service. Especially you, obviously. But before we get going, I just wanted to say thank you.”
“Thank you? What for?” I was a little confused.
“For sharing yourself with me. For showing me all of you, even the parts you don’t necessarily want me to see. I take it as a huge honor that you trust me enough to be this real and honest. And although I didn’t think it was possible, I love you even more for it.”
God damn, she made it easy to love her. So fucking deeply,
We rode back to the hotel in silence, but there was nothing uneasy about it, all three of us were just in our own heads, and we were way past the point in our thing—whatever it could best be described as—where we felt we needed to fill the dead air with inane chatter. Actually, Rome never felt that way. Social niceties and making other people feel comfortable had never been his thing.
When we got to the hotel, I explained that we’d be sharing a suite like we always had.
Rome’s eyebrows shot up. “What, don’t you trust me alone with the mini bar?” He had a point. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him, as such, but I just didn’t want to put him in a difficult position. This was his first time traveling since the Bowed & Dangerous tour ended. In fact, it was the same for all of us, we’d been grounded—mainly only going to the studio to write and record, and, in Rome’s case, to rehab.
Since we’d come back, the house had been an intoxicant-free zone—no drink, no drugs—so I didn’t want to upset the apple cart of Rome’s sobriety by leaving him unattended in a hotel room full of liquor. It was generally pretty simple to request that the mini-bar be alcohol free, which I’d done in the suite, but somehow it seemed weird to book Rome his own room, then ask them to strip the mini bar without seeking his permission. It had just been simpler to do things this way around.
“We always share a suite.”
“We didn’t on tour.”
“What are you talking about? Yes we did. We always have.”
“We did.” He motioned between the two of us. “We didn’t.” This time he motioned between all three.
“But that was before Quin and me were really a thing. Of course the label was booking her a separate suite. Things will be different when we’re out on the road for this next tour, so we won’t need it.”
He frowned. “Really? We’re all just going to crash together like it’s summer camp or some shit?
“We’ve always shared a suite. Now we all live together. What’s the difference? Or are we supposed to suddenly keep our distance because we’re staying in a hotel? What’s the big deal?”
The silence dragged on between us. “That was a question, Row. One I’d really like your perspective on in the form of an answer. Please.”
“Jesus. Nothing. It’s nothing. I’m just twitchy. Forget I even said anything. Just... do me a favor and try to keep the volume down, will you?” It took me a few seconds longer than it should have to catch his meaning.
“Of course.” I hadn’t even thought about the fact that, unlike at home, our rooms in the hotel were fairly close together, and we weren’t exactly quiet, in general. Maybe a shared suite wasn’t such a good idea after all.
“Okay, well I’m not about to start making a fuss about bullshit on the day you bury your grandmother, so which room is mine?”
I mentioned with my chin to the room at the furthest end of the suite.
“Okay, cool. I’m going to go freshen up and change for... later. What time are we heading out?”
“I have to be at the funeral home ahead of time, so I’ve organized a car for you.” I was going to be a pall bearer, and would also be playing Mahler’s Adagietto at the beginning of the service, so wouldn’t get to see either of them for most of it.