And that was definitely enough, I called the cops and then filed a complaint and because Jordan had shown up at the hospital there was more than enough for a restraining order against him.
“God there was so much blood, Jen.”
Talking about blood, there was also Alaric. He had been so charming and chivalrous, the perfect gentleman. So much so that we did go on a second date.
Maybe the fact that he had insisted on meeting after dark both times should’ve tipped me off? But there are a lot of people who work during the day, right?
The first date was at a Mexican restaurant and then we went to Vee for drinks and had a blast.
The second date was a movie and then we went for a drive. We started making out in his car and things were definitely looking up until he bit me.
I rub my neck at the memory of it and Jen shakes her head.
“Alaric, right? To be honest, I don’t really blame you. He was hot and you had no way of knowing that he was a total wacko looney.”
“Seriously, Jen. I’m starting to think that I’m jinxed and that I’ll end up baking peach cobblers for the nursing home one day and burn the whole damn place down in the process.”
Jen covers my hand with hers in friendly support.
“Look, I’m sorry babe. But we had no way to know that Alaric thought he was a vampire.”
I scoff. “You know, I would’ve even gone for hot sex with a sexy supernatural being. But my dumb luck made it so that I didn’t meet my very own Damon Salvatore or Eric Northman. No. I had to meet the only son of a bee sting who is delusional enough to think that he’s a vampire – he had his flipping teeth filed like fangs. No ma’am, I had to meet the only vampire on this wretched earth who is embarrassed about who he is and wanted to become a vegetarian.”
Jen can’t stifle a laugh. “Yeah but you were too delicious for him to resist you, babe.”
“Or he thought that dating a future nurse would give him access to the town’s blood bank? I even had to comfort him about his failure to stay away from blood. Jen, I seriously think that I’m destined to end up alone. Even my own mother says that I’ll end up like a crazy cat lady or something. She says it’s my punishment for letting Tripp slip away when I decided to come here to Silver Springs.”
Jen disagrees wholeheartedly. “That’s some bullshit right there! So she’d rather have you married to a cheating scumbag with a small dick who could never even make it good for you? Maybe having already popped out two babies while Tripp works at his dad’s car dealership? And the height of the decade would be your high school reunion where people would secretly be sorry for you, for marrying the school QB who peaked in high school?”
When she puts it that way ...
“No, Mags. You did the right thing by dumping his cheating ass and coming here to chase your dreams. Think about it, if you hadn’t, we’d never have met.”
I hug my best friend: some of her attempts to help might be misguided and even backfire a lil’ bit but she means well.
“I’m glad I met you, Jennie.”
She nods. “Damn straight. Now, remember that love is overrated and we aren’t necessarily looking for Mr. Right. Mr. Right Now will be just as good as long as he’s satisfactory in the dick department. In other words, we get you laid and we get you off.”
I go along with it because to be honest I still feel a bit raw from Tripp’s betrayal even if it’s been six months since I surprised him for Christmas and I found him in bed with his next-door neighbor. So maybe she isn’t totally wrong that I should play the field and not jump into anything serious right now.
“Right. So who’s the latest match?” I ask noticing that she hasn’t given me back my phone after swiping right on my behalf.
“Well, since you didn’t like man bun, I found you another one. This looks really promising. I swiped right and sent him a smile and an eggplant emoji.”
“What? Why? Do you even know what the eggplant emoji means? Now he’ll think I’m after his—”
She laughs. “Why, aren’t you? We’ve just said we’re after a hookup.”
Jen shows me the screen: there’s a tall, muscular guy. He has dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. He looks vaguely familiar but I can’t quite place him. I must’ve seen him around town.
“Officer Hunk? What kind of name is that?”
Jen smirks at me. “Does it really matter? Look at those abs, they’re clearly visible under that tight t-shirt. Guy’s got a twelve pack! Seriously drool worthy.”
I smile at her attempt to encourage me. “What would you know about that? You bat for the other team.”
Jen looks totally unconcerned by my remark. “So? I’m gay, not blind. And I don’t know but I have a hunch that Officer Hunk will be tons of fun. And you know what? If all else fails, I swear you won’t become a crazy cat lady, for which by the way you should start by getting a cat. But remember our deal, Mags. If we get to forty and neither of us has found the one, we get married.”
I accept her hug and wish, not for the first time, that I were into girls or that Jen were a guy.
“Yeah there’s no chance you won’t find the one, Jen. You’re too awesome.”
“Damn right, and so are you. And hot, Mags. You’re smoking hot, so I shall be the lucky one to be your wife one day. Even if it were just platonic.”
“I love you Jen,” I say and then giggle at the idea of taking my ‘new wife’ to meet my parents. “I can only imagine what my mom and dad would say if I married a girl.”
She shrugs, grabbing her purse on her way to her first day at a new job. “Yeah well you know what? At the risk of sounding like you, if they don’t like it ... Bless their hearts!”
1.
Glitter, cupcakes and flying dildos
Magnolia
JEN LEAVES TO GO TO work and I decide to go for a run. Running or jogging is what I do to clear my head and I think I’m definitely in need of that.
I’m not mad at Jen for making fun of my southern slang, I got her point. I have to get this dating situation under control and she picked up on the fact I was getting stressed and tried to make light of it. I made a conscious effort to speak like folks do around here when I first moved, uncomfortable with the looks the locals used to give me for my ‘colorful drawl’ like Jen called it.
I mostly got the hang of it but when I’m worried or upset, it comes right back out.
And what do you know, my mom called last night to tell me that Tripp’s gotten engaged. To the same person he cheated with. Well, the one I knew of.
The point is that my mother’s tone was laced with judgement. And no, hold your bloomin’ horses y’all, she was NOT judging him for being a cheating asshole, no ma’am. She was judging me for not being able to keep my man. She’s always been against my career choice and especially the decision to move to Silver Springs to study.
“But then I would’ve never met you, Frankie panky, isn’t it baby boy?” I pick up the puppy Jen and I bought a week ago, stroking his silky hair. Frank is an adorable Yorkshire terrier and I can’t believe that I’d never thought about having a dog before. Jen started teasing me that if all else fails, rather than a crazy cat lady, I could become a crazy dog lady. She started calling me CDL (crazy dog lady) because of the way I fell head over heels in love for this fuzzy little baby. But it’s impossible to resist Frank’s brown beady eyes and his sweet puppy kisses, so I know she’s just as smitten with him as I am.